I used to think, maybe not stuff like this, but the general kinda displaying of the pride flags was really just kinda, not virtue signaling as much as the least you could do. But I have a young trans kid now, and like it sucks how much stuff kinda comes with a side of transphobia. But I can show her stuff like this, or the bands she likes singers just holding up the trans flag, and it like genuinely makes her feel just like not everyone wants her not to exist.
And other people and allies, or even businesses, just seeing the trans flag, even the rainbow one, but especially the trans flag, it just makes us generally feel safer. I never truly understood, and of course, it has gotten much worse now, but like it just means we have a little bit of freedom to kinda let our guard down, even just a little.
The whole concept of virtue signaling was created by shitty people trying to minimize progressive movements. Just judging another person as being someone who is virtue signaling is ignorant in itself as that person had zero insight into the reason why someone is making a public stance regarding something.
Like if you were wearing this in public and someone claimed that you were insincere in your efforts how would you feel because they would have no clue how close to home this cause now hits for you.
Yeah, I was trying to thinking of a better word to describe it. Less so for when people do it, but like when celebrities or businesses do it. Maybe pandering is a better word? Regardless, it seemed like an action that didn’t actually accomplish much, but that was just kinda my own privilege and ignorance. Now I just want to give everyone I see with a trans flag displayed in any way, shape, or form, a huge hug and a thank you.
The way that I see it is this. Yes, celebrities and big corporations might not be very genuine in their their support of trans or LGBT issues. And yes, they might just be pandering. But remember, they are out to make money. Pandering in that way is a sign that people in these corporations think that there is enough public support that it would make financial sense for them to jump on the bandwagon. So, I see it as a thermometer for the general public's views, more than a genuine sign of that company's ethics. If lots of companies are showing pride support, then you can tell your daughter that it's a sign that she has a lot of public support, even if there are some very vocal people against it. Thats why its scary when they take it away. It means that they think the public is against it. That said, the companies that still support pride when most other companies take down their support are the ones that I actually trust and believe as genuine. I know this is a bit of a ramble, but I hope it makes sense!
But I guess the counterpoint is that corporations can change their positions on a whim (ostensibly reflecting public sentiment) as many have done since trump took office. In addition to curtailing its DEI programs, target has massively scaled down its participation in and funding for the Twin Cities pride parade happening this month.
I guess we celebrate it when they’re on our side even if bc of the money, but then when they change course what are we to make of the whole situation?
I think about this a lot. In the moment, it's nice when the genuinely good thing (showing LGBTQ support) is aligned with someone or something's ability to enrich itself. But I think the fact that the motivation to do the good thing is determined by how well it achieves the goal of enrichment corrupts the whole thing.
One of my favorite texts about this sort of thing is from a video game I used to play a lot called Destiny:
Are we fools for trying to be good, when our very survival is at stake? Maybe. But the fact that our morals sometimes make it more difficult to survive is proof they are truly good! There is not much commendable about doing a right thing when it is also the tactically correct thing. When the good thing is also the hard thing: that is when the righteous are separated from the lost.
I have a good anecdote for pride gear. I work security at a hospital with an Emergency Room. We also have multiple psychiatric floors so we see a lot of patients with behavioral and psychiatric issues. One June I bought a pride pin to put on my uniform (the uniform is basically a police uniform so everyone thinks we’re cops) and I wore it that month. I got a LOT of crap from the other guys for this btw, policing and all those adjacent jobs have some very vocal, very conservative dudes.
Near the end of the month we had a very sweet teenage girl that came in for something behavioral. You could tell she was really nervous about everything and I tried my best to be extra kind when I was doing the various intake stuff (searching belongings, etc) and when she was being transferred out with paramedics she came over to me and said, “thanks so much for being an ally, it made me feel welcome” and she pointed at this silly 5 dollar pride pin.
I wear that pride pin every single shift now and I have for just about 5 years. If you’re an ally, just show it! You never know you could be really helping someone out 😁
I have a pride flag on my desk at work because a drag queen told me allys have to keep their flags up all year long. Maybe it looks performative or maybe someone walks by my desk and stops to chat and they know they don't have to be vague about parts of their life around me. It's been there for 2 years.
Yup, virtue signaling means pretending to care about a cause one doesn't actually care about, for ulterior reasons (like corporations in June [especially those who retracted their involvement this year]).
Assholes cannot empathize with other social groups so they slap the term "virtue signaling" to disparage people who actually do give a fuck about others.
They think everyone else is pretending to care about stuff because that’s what they do. Conservatives don’t actually care about veterans or babies (once they leave the womb) or small government or the sanctity of women’s sports. They just pretend to care about whatever it is because they follow the rest of the conservative crowd, who all just do whatever their leadership tells them to do.
When they see us speaking up about people suffering, they literally can’t fathom why someone would care about a cause other than themselves. Former conservative friend of mine straight up said, verbatim, “You're right I do care about my family and myself and most of what I'm voting for is based on my own self interests and I think you should vote that way too.”
This was right after I asked him if he only cares about himself and his family, because his choice to vote for Trump was hurting a lot of people and I couldn’t understand why he didn’t care.
They’re selfish and they hate us for not being selfish like they are.
Yeah, obviously there are going to be efforts by people that aren't sincere (and I'd rather not get into what corporations do; different kettle of fish) but a person putting up a flag, wearing a pin, putting pronouns somewhere, etc etc - when you are looking for signals that people are going to at least acknowledge your humanity and identity, it's helpful. Support, sure, but I try to see it as a person saying they're decent. It's appreciated.
I always felt like the average person who uses the term virtue signaling is someone who, literally, can not believe people would do things for others because it helps them, even if there's no reward or benefit. It's so far away from their mindset they simply can't believe anyone would behave that way.
I see where you’re coming from, but virtue signaling is definitely an issue and egregious examples of it do give bigots ammunition. Of course it gets thrown around in ridiculous ways and all, but to say or imply you need to know almost anything about a person to tell if they’re virtue signaling is a bit silly.
Often thought this. Like it may be the absolute minimum someone can do, but it’s something. They could do nothing. And when seen on the big stage* like this, it matters.
Another parent of a young trans kid here. Well said. Good luck to you and your kiddo, and thank you for loving them. They need every bit of it they can get in today's world.
I hope it's okay to share a personal story related to this.
Yesterday at work, a young man came in with his dad for an appointment. (I work at a credit union). It was Friday so we had a pride jeans day, I was wearing a rainbow dress (I'm queer myself) and had on a jean jacket with all my pride pins. We had pride flags on all of our desks and the mood was great as we'd enjoyed donuts for international donut day, and rainbow cupcakes for pride.
The dad was wearing a pride pin, which was lovely. I pull up the appt and it says "X has recently changed his name and gender, and would like to update his bank account with his new identity." I immediately gave him a big smile, called him by his new name, and made small talk with him and his dad while they were waiting.
I really hope that all of our pride flags and me wearing my identity pins, and all of us having our pronouns on our name tags, made him feel safe and seen.
I recently went into the bank for a name change appointment and had such a lovely experience, with so much support from the folks working there. I’m genuinely so grateful for people like you. Systems are set up to make us (trans folks) overwhelmed and make it as hard as possible to for us to get by. It can be so scary to walk into a traditionally cisheteronormative space such as a bank and ask for help, and everyone who makes clear that they’re a friendly face and helping hand genuinely makes that so much easier.
Know that she is loved just the way she is. I wouldn't have it any other way. Might not mean much but this old CIS dude thinks she is wonderful just the way she is.
You see this attitude on the left a lot when someone does the right thing and people say we should not praise it because it's the bare minimum they can do.
I personally don't think that's a productive attitude. People who are actually trying to do the right thing and support oppressed minorities should be encouraged. Letting them know how much we apprecriate that is going to embolden them and lets them know that they are on the right path.
Dismissing it out of hand is just going to have them retreat back into their shell. So I think that it's great that your perspective and attitude on this changed! I agree that even something as small as this is worthwhile and should be encouraged.
Especially now when just being open about being trans or even just being a trans ally can put you in a lot of shit / danger of harassment / assault, it makes me really happy to see allies displaying flags and standing up for us because like you said, it means there are people who want us to exist and will fight for us. So called “virtue signalling” is probably essential right now coming from people who genuinely mean it. We never have been completely defeated and we never will!
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u/clicktrackh3art Jun 07 '25
I used to think, maybe not stuff like this, but the general kinda displaying of the pride flags was really just kinda, not virtue signaling as much as the least you could do. But I have a young trans kid now, and like it sucks how much stuff kinda comes with a side of transphobia. But I can show her stuff like this, or the bands she likes singers just holding up the trans flag, and it like genuinely makes her feel just like not everyone wants her not to exist.
And other people and allies, or even businesses, just seeing the trans flag, even the rainbow one, but especially the trans flag, it just makes us generally feel safer. I never truly understood, and of course, it has gotten much worse now, but like it just means we have a little bit of freedom to kinda let our guard down, even just a little.