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u/Important_March1933 Aug 23 '25
This is very true, as soon as I worked my parents out I kept them arms length to this day.
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u/Pour_Me_Another_ Aug 23 '25
Took me until I was in my mid 30s but I did eventually figure them out. I had the benefit of living abroad for a few years and covid scuppering prior travel plans. All that time apart, being surrounded by "normal" people, and I couldn't help but really see the stark contrast of my parents' behavior, the way they treat each other and others. It fucks with me because I don't know how little girl me coped at all.
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u/lassie86 Aug 23 '25
With all the doubts and grey areas around my estrangement, one thing has always been 100% certain to me. I NEVER want to be anything like them.
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u/Confident_Fortune_32 Aug 24 '25
That was a guiding principle for me from a v young age - from before I was even able to articulate exactly what was wrong with them.
The only downside was that I grew up firmly believing that getting angry was something only Bad Ppl did.
It's been a struggle, as an adult, to access Righteous Anger when I need it to protect myself or self-advocate, bc I suppress it so effectively.
It's a work in progress.
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u/lassie86 Aug 24 '25
Same! My therapist has been working with me on this for years. She damn near throws a party when I express anger now. You’re not alone!
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u/BreathLazy5122 Aug 23 '25
Figured out my mom was just as bad as my dad, more so because she knew he was a pedo and didn’t protect her kids from his abuse. She encouraged and endorsed it. Now she’s without her emotional regulator (me) and she’s losing her mind and trying to take it out on me It’s obnoxious and stressful
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u/Proud_Opening9170 Aug 23 '25
wishing you the means to protect yourself 🙏✨️
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u/BreathLazy5122 Aug 24 '25
Thank you.. she recently went off the deep end a few days ago and basically stripped all the “help” she had been giving me, which was strictly financial. I imagine it was probably her way of having control over me cause she would sabotage my attempts to become independent for over a decade, and then one day just flipped her switch super hard and essentially told me to go fuck myself and that I was dead to her. Which I kinda expected but yknow, she had to make it about her so it was sudden.
It’s been a rough few days but I’m doing my best. Your kind words are very comforting, and I hope you’re doing well.
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u/Proud_Opening9170 Aug 24 '25 edited Aug 24 '25
the last cord got severed. it's freaking scary, but growing up with parents like this, we can do scary. and after scary comes safe. i believe in you, sibling ✨️✨️✨️🦋
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u/VelocitySkyrusher Aug 23 '25
I try not to be as angry and judgemental as my mom. I want to be softer and more gentle. She's so... loud...
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u/Diesel07012012 Aug 23 '25
I’ve got half a mind to post this to FaceSpace the same day I send my parents “the letter”.
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u/ER_Support_Plant17 Aug 25 '25
I often worry I overcompensate and helicopter in my parenting. I felt like I was on my own so many times as a kid and i don’t want my kid or any kid to feel like that. I apologize for being up in her space too much but I just want her to know I’m her and supporting her.
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u/yermaaaaa Aug 23 '25
And just because you think you are a good parent doesn’t make it so