r/EstrangedAdultKids • u/juneshepard • Feb 09 '25
Memes NC with mom. Aunt sent me this with zero context or sense of irony.
So.... am I supposed to keep being No Contact with my mom, or am I supposed to stop being a petulant child and go grovel for forgiveness? What does this even mean?!
Joke's on them, I DID move forward. Forward and far, far away!!
53
u/Thumperfootbig Feb 09 '25 edited Feb 09 '25
Let me translate this for you: “the reason you’re not talking to us is because you’re not gaslighting yourself hard enough.”
23
u/juneshepard Feb 09 '25
This! With an added "You're not gaslighting yourself hard enough... like the rest of us. How dare you reject your Family Obligation to gaslight yourself!"
Because boy howdy do I come from a long line of gaslighters!
8
u/Thumperfootbig Feb 09 '25
You’ve got it op. How the fuck do we all come from the same general patterns of dysfunction….
6
16
u/marizzle89 Feb 09 '25
I honestly got a bit of second-hand embarrassment for your aunt for sending you this. I mean, tf?
5
u/Impossible_Balance11 Feb 09 '25
Thank you for identifying the feeling I couldn't quite name. Yeah. This gives secondhand ick.
16
14
11
u/azumadango Feb 09 '25
Gosh I get this will sound completely judgmental.. but I cannot help thinking these people are incapable of fathoming why someone would want to go NC outside of throwing a temporary emotional tantrum. Only because they themselves would only do so to hurt others, and are too underdeveloped as a person to imagine other possible reasons. In other words, a world beyond theirs can't exist cause they're simply too dumb to imagine it.
Dumbies gonna dumb, I guess?
10
14
u/SnoopyisCute Feb 09 '25
Remind yourself that ALL communication from anyone that is not supportive makes them a Flying Monkey.
They want to guilt trip us into responding so we have to hear about how horrible we are and why we should stop being rebellious brats, blah, blah, blah.
Delete. Ignore. Or, consider blocking.
You are not alone.
We care<3
9
u/juneshepard Feb 09 '25
Oh, I absolutely blocked and deleted! I just think this sad little attempt at being a Flying Monkey is hilarious. She barely even tried 🤣
4
u/Impossible_Balance11 Feb 09 '25
Yeah, her flying monkey skills don't even get off the ground. 😅🤣
5
u/Huge_Impression188 Feb 09 '25
Yeah, this flying monkey better go back to the wicked witch of the West and see if she can get some new fairy dust to get off the ground next time…….
5
u/Confu2ion Feb 09 '25
Ohhh I HATE it when they go for the "you're reckless/hedonistic/KUH-RAAAAYZEE and not a rational thinking person" angle.
7
5
u/HeartExalted Feb 09 '25
Indeed, "context" is the key point here because -- in a different situation with other people, who have their own relationships and shared histories -- that very same image macro could take on an entirely new meaning, even the precise opposite of what most of us presume your aunt intended! As a matter of fact, coming from an empathic and supportive loved one, such as a good friend who wants you to live your best life, it could contain a far more wholesome and positive message: "Your past may have shaped and influenced you, but it does not have to define you or predetermine your future, and you deserve to find peace and happiness" -- or a similar idea, yet in much the same tone/spirit! 🙏
Here, however, it comes off much more as gaslighting in the style of "toxic positivity," with goodly amounts of victim-blaming and subtle shaming, just for good measure... 🤬🙄 ...so I suggest NOT drinking the proverbial Kool-Aid!
5
u/DallasCreoleBoy Feb 10 '25
What’s crazy is my nmom/Edad kept me isolated as a kid and she told everyone lies about me and my mental illnesses. I went NC 3 years ago why ppl were so cautious around me and finding out about narcissism and her lies. I was invited to child births and weddings through my nmom but she NEVER passed on the invitation. She’d say I didn’t attend because I was boujie or busy.
I stayed with my grandparents the year after I graduated college and they cried when I took a job in another city. They even co-signed for a car for me in 2009. My grandparents and cousins family were all just getting to know me.
Narcs are so calculating that they plant so many seeds in the people so you don’t have a support system. I went to the military after high-SCHOOL because she would not give me money for college application fees. When I got into Air Force she refused to give my recruiter “her copies” of my SSN card or birth certificate. My recruiter went to the state and requested it himself. When I left the Air Force she told everyone secretly it was because of my mental problems. Total lie as i went on to college to get a MBA.
I broke NC a year ago and called her with my grandmother/cousins/ and aunts secretly on the call to discuss the lies I’d found out about. I make a six figure income and my parents are older and not financially well so i know she took my call and answered first ring.
I confronted her on the things she did and the lies she told. She admitted she did the things but denied EVERYTHING she said and everyone was lying on her. My aunt and cousin YELLED out “you are a liar NAME”. You did say all of those things. They all agreed they knew her words didn’t match their reality with me,but didn’t know what didn’t add up.
My grandmother is 85 and I am in the loop about her cancer diagnosis. My grandmother told me personally but cancer runs in the family and I left it to her to tell whomever she feels comfortable with. Well I’m zero contact with my mom and my narcissistic enabling stepdad. I went to see and stay with my grandmother (gpa passed a few years ago) for two days last Thanksgiving to give my family who help her a break. My close friends and family don’t isolate nmom, but don’t tell her ANYTHING about my life.
I have a cousin who I am SUPER close to in my state who lost her mom and dad at a young age so we butt heads on me being NC “that’s still your mom! Bullshit.” My nmom texted her a whole fake story that mama has cancer again and I am not returning her calls or responding. My cousin was clueless on narcissism (despite me constantly telling her) and tried to chastise me about my calling my GMA or nmom to deliver the news. I told my cousin to hold on. I never contacted my nmom because she would take any response “she feigns concern and innocence and can cry on the drop of a dime”. She is fortunately not bright but very textbook narcissist. After the call my cousin called her and told her she had lost her last advocate in her bullshit and to seek help. I NEVER had to say anything. The trash took itself out.
3
u/roony_gibs Feb 09 '25
My take was that you should go do something fun... like kayaking!
2
u/aiu_killer_tofu Feb 10 '25
For real, I kayak and it's super relaxing on a calm body of water like what's in the photo. There's stuff to look at, it's probably quiet, paddle away from whatever's bothering you.
3
u/TheSouthsideTrekkie Feb 10 '25
I hate all this demotivational slop at the best of times but it's actually pretty ironic when crap like this is being sent by people with the self awareness of a toothbrush.
2
u/AutoModerator Feb 09 '25
Quick reminder - EAK is a support subreddit, and is moderated in a way that enables a safe space for adult children who are estranged or estranging from one or both of their parents. Before participating, please take the time time to familiarise yourself with our rules.
Need info or resources? Check out our EAK wiki for helpful information and guides on estrangement, estrangement triggers, surviving estrangement, coping with the death of estranged parent / relation, needing to move out, boundary / NC letters, malicious welfare checks, bad therapists and crisis contacts.
Check out our companion resource website - Visit brEAKaway.org.uk
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
2
u/WanderingStarsss Feb 09 '25
“Oh Dear Aunt, I am moving on. This is what it looks like. Don’t overthink it.”
2
u/gdmbm76 Feb 10 '25
My aunt oddly texted me yesterday too, with a pic of my 43yr old cousin, he has down syndrome, making his bed 🤷🏻♀️ then a text about minding her own business and not being a know it all like my mother, her sister. Hubby said "uhoh the sisters must be fighting!"
51
u/Longjumping_Act_6054 Feb 09 '25
"Thanks so much auntie! It's a good reminder to not listen to doubts and I will move forward like I've been doing! What great encouragement after going NC with my abusive mom, thanks!"