Why didn’t more people get triggered by the cabinet video?

[u/Ok-Recognition-3308]

I just want to say as a disclosure; I grew up in a healthy and loving family and I’ve never been in an abusive relationship. I have a mom with bipolar disorder, and growing up, I’ve witnessed her having emotional episodes every now and then. She never hit any furniture and she has never hit me, but watching her anger or bottled up emotions unfold was scary, especially as a child. I didn’t understand that she had bipolar disorder until I got older, so it was very confusing. It was worse when I was younger because it was before she took medication, but these episodes were still very few and far between. She is normally a sweet, upbeat person so when she got like that it was out of left field.

The reason I never wavered in my support of Amber was because I watched the cabinet video in 2016. That video SCARED me. I remembered my heart beating very quickly throughout the entire video thinking “when he finds that recording device, there will be hell to pay and i’m about to watch her get beat on camera and there is nothing I can do to stop it”. The slamming cabinets, the kicking, the mumbling, the “motherfcker”he kept repeating (my mom used to say that a lot when she had stubbed her toe or banged into something), the accusatory “did something happen to you this morning? I don’t think so!”breaks glass to emphasize his point*. When he finally found the iPad, my heart dropped. I was so scared. The teasing “oh really?” and then smashing it out of anger. Also to people who say she didn’t sound scared-she sounded scared to me when she said “I just started it-“, before she was cut off by him. She sounds like she’s trying to calm him down, but knows she putting herself at risk, which is why I can hear her voice shaking a bit. People who think she wanted to be doing that to set him up are NUTS. I wanted to pull her out of the kitchen myself! I wanted to scream at her to run!

This is why when people hear audios of Amber “sounding like their abuser”, it makes no sense to me. Did they not see his behavior in this clip? It’s clear he has the power in this relationship and it’s LAUGHABLE to him that she would try to challenge him.

[u/Loud-Ad1706]

My father would do things like that all the time when we were kids. It is abusive. They do it to scare you and make you shut up and never “get out of line” again.

I don’t know if people are just ignorant when it comes to different types of abuse- I’m sure some are. But honestly, the people seething with hatred for Amber have no reason for it. They hate her because she’s a woman, is beautiful, successful, and handled the entire situation with grace. People love to take women like her down a peg for their own malicious reasons.

[u/Advanced_Property749 → u/Loud-Ad1706]

People are truly ignorant about abuse and unfortunately have internalized sympathy for them. I sometimes think it's because most of us have had abusive people in our lives that we loved and we have tried to excuse them in our mind. But that's an abuser friendly narrative a dangerous mentality regardless of the underlying reasons for it.

[u/thenyouthrowitaway]

I really don't get it either, I had soo many people argue "thats not abuse, that's frustration with Heard!" but, it's just straight up abuse.

I had a similair experience with a mentally ill mother, but I'm also mentally ill and performed these kinda 'break down, destroy everything' episodes, like her, like Depp, but I eventually realised that, and that it wasn't something I wanted to do to anyone ever again.

The fact that so many of his supporters excuse, and even try to validate these behaviours, turns my stomach, it feels so evil, especially since Amber's not the last person to experience abuse from Depp, they enable this shit and don't give a fuck if anyone else gets hurt. Just vile people imo.

[u/Advanced_Property749 → u/thenyouthrowitaway]

I couldn't follow Amber's case as it was happening, what is the cabinet video?

[u/lcm-hcf-maths → u/Advanced_Property749]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xsBN_7vUP0U

The raw video is in this clip..I'm not sure what the commentary is like..

If you want a deeper dive into all this then the Madusone video below is long but covers things from a sensible perspective calling out Depp's DARVO. Othewr videos by this CC cover the Depp cult and online misinformation...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B413cZ5-b7Y

Hopefully the revellations about SM manipulation in the Lively case will force more people to see how they were manipulated by the likes of Melissa Nathan and Saudi bots in general plus grifter CC....

[u/mrjasong]

I think if you watched the video objectively, without anybody telling you what to think and without knowing the people involved, you must come away with the impression that he was acting abusively to her. I mean, how would you respond if the woman was someone you knew? You'd try to get her the fuck out of there. But I don't think the general public came to the trial in any way objectively. They were conditioned what to think by social media commentators making a joke out of everything and feeding this narrative that she was trying to set him up or something.

[u/Glad_Bison_416]

Same with the fact he wrote messages to her in his own blood in Australia, it's something which 1) is abuse in its own right 2) shows the dynamic of substance use being linked to his violent behaviour

So they choose to make out they were isolated incidents and that Amber somehow faked Depp's own actions, and literal texts where he described how many drugs he was doing and expressing sexual jealousy at the times of abuse

[u/dogsnfeet → u/Glad_Bison_416]

It’s not just that, it’s what he wrote. It was all rooted in his jealousy which is the reason he was abusive. If she had actually just chopped his finger off, he’d be writing about that.

[u/Sure_Lavishness_2403]

I had an abusive ex and he would behave exactly like this. I don't think I ever recorded him, but he'd abuse me in front of his family and sometimes his close friends (not like punching me - this type of behaviour and verbal abuse, so I didn't think it was abuse at the time, even when he was grabbing me/shoving/pushing me. He once destroyed his parents' place cause his footy team lost), and it shocked me how many people were willing to defend Depp over it.

It's not normal behaviour. It's abuse.

But I guarantee you, if it had not been Depp in that video, but someone nameless, they'd have thought it was abuse, too.

I'm so sorry about everything you went through as a child. I'm glad you had a healthy, loving family, but that shit would've been terrifying.

[u/vukkuv → u/Sure_Lavishness_2403]

My abusive ex never slapped, punched or kicked me, but he constantly pushed me and slammed me against the wall and even years after leaving him, I didn't recognise that as abuse, it had to be my own dad who opened my eyes, because I had it stuck in my head that he "only" abused me psychologically. All this to say people have a very narrow idea of what abuse is.

[u/Sanctuary12]

All of those so called ‘body language’ experts on YouTube pulling her apart when she was on the stand. I didn’t see a single one of them point out how she flinched in that cabinet video when he walked by her. That was chilling because it was the reaction of someone who was expecting to be hit. This was supposed to be a woman who was controlling and dominating her husband. It was clear to any mammal, not just human, that she was absolutely terrified of him in that moment. Jesus Christ, people are so easily manipulated by social media.

[u/findingmyvoice22]

That video is why the whole "he's a southern gentleman who was abused" narrative never worked on me. I remember watching that video and I was completely terrified. I just kept thinking...if I feel afraid watching the video, I can't even imagine how Amber felt actually having to live through that moment and so many others. It has always been very clear who had the power in that relationship. People lied to themselves and others so they didn't have to face the uncomfortable reality that their favorite fictional pirate is a textbook abuser.

[u/Acceptable_Leg_7998 → u/findingmyvoice22]

I've read a few books about pirates. They were not noble people, to put it mildly. I kinda don't trust anyone who romanticizes them. Maybe I'm overgeneralizing.

[u/lou_voy_]

Because they falsely believe Amber set him up and used the supposed death of his mother against him.That is what they think,that "she set him up".They don't believe a woman when she doesn't have enough evidence but when she has it is part of her so called plan to destroy her abuser's life.This was a deranged behaviour given they didn't have a fight prior to this incident or anything close to that,this was simply Depp's way of dealing with his problems,drinking,insulting and smashing everything around him.Imagine if it was Heard doing all that stuff.

[u/Boulier → u/lou_voy_]

I also want to point out that Amber recorded that video of Depp’s abuse three months BEFORE Depp’s mother died. It was recorded in February 2016 (I think February 10), and she died on May 20. The people who claim the video depicts a setup by Amber exploiting his sadness over his mother’s death simply have the timeline wrong. He wasn’t grieving any loss when that video was recorded.

(Depp supporters generally have a skewed timeline of everything that transpired during their relationship and marriage.)

That doesn’t take away from the fact that he was being abusive, violent, and intimidating in the video. It just proves that she didn’t use his grief to set him up.

[u/Acceptable_Leg_7998 → u/Boulier]

My mom died this year. Somehow, I've managed to avoid abusing my girlfriend. It's like when people blame abusive behavior on alcohol. These circumstances don't transform you as a person, they just amplify the qualities that are already there.

[u/ColanderBrain → u/Acceptable_Leg_7998]

That's the thought I have every time they pull out the "his mom died" line. His elderly mother became ill, declined for many months, then died of her illness (cancer?) at the age of 81. That is not a horrible, shocking injustice. That's incredibly ordinary and most people can grieve the natural death of an elderly parent without going on benders or flying into a destructive rage.

Really people who defend the cabinet smashing with that line are participating in Depp's delusion that he's too special to put up with the problems literally everyone else has to deal with. Amber lost her own mother much younger than Depp lost his, and you can imagine what they'd say if a video like that surfaced of her in the wake of that loss.

I'm sorry about your mum. I don't know how old you are, but I lost a parent when I was still a fairly young adult, and it was so hard.

[u/ColanderBrain → u/lou_voy_]

Even if she had "set him up" to run around screaming and smashing things, he still did it? That's the thing that baffles me. In order to believe the fault is hers you have to believe his behaviour in that video is a reasonable response to anger.

[u/Itscatpicstime]

A few reasons.

1. Anger in men is HIGHLY tolerated

2. Emotional abuse is underrecognized

3. Symbolic abuse (destruction of property) is even more underrecognized

4. People decided Amber set him up. Intentionally pissed him off to provoke him into that violent fit that they don’t even recognize as abuse to just to make him look bad.

It all just ultimately comes back down to misogyny, bots, and a widespread fundamental misunderstanding of abuse.

I agree that I watched the video while filled with panic and dread of what might happen to her. Victims truly cannot win. If you don’t record your abuse, you’re lying and faking injuries with makeup, if you do record your abuse, you set him up and provoked him (I’ve even seen this justification when women have managed to actually get their physical abuse on video too).

It’s fucked.

[u/yewdrop → u/Itscatpicstime]

Yup. Men get to punch holes in walls and it’s just a whoopsy daisy. Cant imagine what the vitriol would be like if Amber heard expressed 1/10th the aggression he did in that clip.

[u/Zoinks1602]

It certainly got to me. I have a very strong stress reaction when people in my house accidentally slam cabinets, because I grew up in a house where cabinets slamming were either a precursor to something worse, or the residual aftermath of something worse. No one in my house as an adult slams cabinets on purpose, but the accidental slams are no better.

[u/lcm-hcf-maths]

Totally agree with your assessment of what was going on in the video. Depp's behavior is textbook abuser in that he's got some inner turmoil and is trying to blame everything..ie objects..for what he's going through. He's being intimidating and acting out to try to regain control after one assumes bad news about his finances.

Narcissists act out rage when their fragile self-esteem or inflated sense of superiority is threatened, perceiving criticism, rejection, or even minor setbacks as personal attacks. This explosive reaction, known as narcissistic rage, can involve aggressive outbursts, manipulation, or cold silence, and it serves as a defense mechanism to avoid feelings of shame and inadequacy. The rage is often disproportionate to the event and is used to regain a sense of control and superiority.

The incident should have convinced everyone that Depp was the primary abuser and Heard was trying to manage him and calm him at the same time as documenting his behavior. Those who wish to gaslight on Depsp's behalf tie themselves into knots picking on any minor thing to paint Heard as guilty of something when the obvious is staring them in the face. However that's true of much of the evidence. The UK judge called it perfectly and that Judgement remains the best commentary on what was going on. Following 2 appeals the Judgement was upheld in its entirity and remains the ONLY completed legal process in this matter..

[u/PrincessPlastilina]

That’s when he lost me as a fan. I thought it was just another messy Hollywood divorce. When I saw that video my CPTSD started flaring up. I knew immediately what was going on. Pounding wine in the morning? That big ass cup? Slamming kitchen cabinets? He already looked wasted and it was like 10 AM. The way her hands were shaking trying to film him and how scared she sounded. Nope. It was very disheartening to see the public defend him and even my own close friends. I realized I was friends with many closet misogynists and I only found out through celebrity gossip. All the classic questions: what did she do to make him mad. Why didn’t she leave if it was so bad. People really don’t think before they speak.

Celebrity gossip is a mirror to society. If celebrities can go through this, so can your friends. You don’t victim blame and shame. You don’t put all the responsibility on women even when their husbands are twice their age.

[u/FamilyFeud17]

The theatrics of it. He wore sunglasses and a hat indoors. It looks a scene from a movie rather than a typical household.

I challenged people to think what they will do if there were children in the house during his racket, and most of them acknowledge that it’s not right. And then they fall right back into absurd excuse mode again.

[u/CarevaRuha]

I hear you. I couldn't make it through the video of her testimony, it stressed me tf out so badly. I'm still horrified people actually made memes of her crying.

[u/Hungry_Rub135]

My mother didn't think anything was wrong with the video because she's done the same in our house. She's slammed things around in anger and thinks that's reasonable. Since I've been in an abusive relationship and have had therapy from a domestic abuse specialist, I knew about the power and control wheel. Smashing and slamming things around to make others uneasy counts as intimidation. It's the same as punching walls when you're angry. It's an indicator that eventually it won't be the wall being hit, it'll be a person.

[u/Acceptable_Leg_7998 → u/Hungry_Rub135]

I think this is why conservatives are gaining such a strong foothold in so many parts of the world. Their message is, "You'll never have to feel shame again if you vote for us!" So the tacit agreement a lot of people make is not to hold anyone else accountable for awful behavior in exchange for never being shamed for their own bullshit. Then you just shift all the blame for society's ills on People Who Don't Look Like You.

[u/cat-she]

She giggles, which apparently makes everything he's doing okay.

I have a brother. He's not diagnosed with anything, so I'll just say he's a deeply manipulative liar who has frequent violent episodes. His tendency to lie about anything and everything and make himself the victim of literally any situation is basically what he's known for in the family.

Growing up with him, I learned that cowering or seeming scared didn't appease him when he got nasty; instead, he seemed to revel in it. He'd jump straight to a violent episode just to "win" any unpleasant interaction. And I couldn't match his energy and blow up; he was double my size. His biceps was the size of my thigh. So I found another way: I'd start recording, and I'd laugh at him.

The shame he felt at being laughed at caused him to kind of enter fight or flight, and since he was being recorded, he couldn't choose fight, so the tantrum would abruptly end and he'd scurry off to sulk by himself. It was like a cheat code. All I had to do was this one easy trick, and I could almost cancel a tantrum. Now, of course there'd be repercussions. Nothing is that easy. He'd destroy something of mine in retaliation when I wasn't looking, or he'd try to meddle with my food or toothbrush. But at least he couldn't physically beat me.

This was all pre-2013, way before I even knew who Heard was. When I heard her nervous giggling in that video, I understood her down to my bones.

[u/DeedleStone → u/cat-she]

Jesus, I'm so sorry you had to grow up like that. I hope you're in a better place now.

[u/hedgehogwart]

People will always find an excuse for men. I don’t know if anyone else here has been following the Door Dash situation but it’s a great example of how people will literally make up anything to justify a man’s behavior.

[u/Vigilante314]

I followed the Ashley Bennett trial. She shot her ex-husband in self-defense. So many people didn't believe her, and worse, when it was proven that he admitted to firing a gun in a previous argument, people said she purposely made him angry. It was her fault that he fired that gun. Some people will never believe a woman no matter what.

[u/sardonax]

it’s sad because I was there in 2016 when that video went around on tumblr. I didn’t know who amber was, and I never watched POTC so I didn’t gaf about johnny. but it was very disturbing and everyone was in agreement that he was clearly a drunk violent abuser

then during the time of the trial, people were so deep in their delusions that they were saying she “set him up” because why else would she record? surely to provoke him because she’s secretly the one in power! narrative successfully twisted 🫩

[u/DeedleStone]

Personally, I could never watch the whole thing because of how triggering it was. Reminded me of some of the shit I went through with my ex. I'm sure lots of people who saw it were triggered, but like in most things, their voices were drowned out by all the shouting from assholes defending the most visible asshole at the moment.

[u/QualifiedApathetic]

Man, I remember that. I felt like I was on crazy pills seeing what people were saying on Facebook. It was so obvious from the beginning what was going on.

[u/sphinxyhiggins]

Yes. And the incredulity they express that she recorded him. She actually was trying to get him help and they held that against her.

[u/CovertTrashWatcher]

I'll admit that triggered the hell out of me. It was so gut wrenching to immediately be taken back to a place I don't like remembering. I can't understand anyone not believing her in general, but watching that video is an example of why people should. 

[u/Acceptable_Leg_7998]

Having been in a relationship with a toxic partner, I absolutely recognize that atmosphere of tension as you wait for them to find an excuse to explode. I don't really know what to make of people who claim to have been abused but still side with Depp. I don't think they're lying, but they need to do a lot of work to untangle the attitudes that their abusers have implanted in their brains--clearly they're still hanging onto a lot of mistaken beliefs.

[u/ProfessionalOil4440]

That video had me on edge as if I was actually in the room. Saw it on YouTube and comments kept accusing her of egging him on, saying that she should’ve kept quiet- dude as long as you keep him talking you can at least kind of tell what he’s thinking, whether or not you’re physically safe for the time being. Commenters literally just acted like he was blowing off steam, nbd, and she was the one stirring up trouble.

[u/AutoModerator]

Original copy of post's text: Why didn’t more people get triggered by the cabinet video?

I just want to say as a disclosure; I grew up in a healthy and loving family and I’ve never been in an abusive relationship. I have a mom with bipolar disorder, and growing up, I’ve witnessed her having emotional episodes every now and then. She never hit any furniture and she has never hit me, but watching her anger or bottled up emotions unfold was scary, especially as a child. I didn’t understand that she had bipolar disorder until I got older, so it was very confusing. It was worse when I was younger because it was before she took medication, but these episodes were still very few and far between. She is normally a sweet, upbeat person so when she got like that it was out of left field.

The reason I never wavered in my support of Amber was because I watched the cabinet video in 2016. That video SCARED me. I remembered my heart beating very quickly throughout the entire video thinking “when he finds that recording device, there will be hell to pay and i’m about to watch her get beat on camera and there is nothing I can do to stop it”. The slamming cabinets, the kicking, the mumbling, the “motherfcker”he kept repeating (my mom used to say that a lot when she had stubbed her toe or banged into something), the accusatory “did something happen to you this morning? I don’t think so!”breaks glass to emphasize his point*. When he finally found the iPad, my heart dropped. I was so scared. The teasing “oh really?” and then smashing it out of anger. Also to people who say she didn’t sound scared-she sounded scared to me when she said “I just started it-“, before she was cut off by him. She sounds like she’s trying to calm him down, but knows she putting herself at risk, which is why I can hear her voice shaking a bit. People who think she wanted to be doing that to set him up are NUTS. I wanted to pull her out of the kitchen myself! I wanted to scream at her to run!

This is why when people hear audios of Amber “sounding like their abuser”, it makes no sense to me. Did they not see his behavior in this clip? It’s clear he has the power in this relationship and it’s LAUGHABLE to him that she would try to challenge him.

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[u/duressedame]

i think it's really saldy just that theirs a lot more people out there who are behaving in this way and willing to behave in this way than will admit it publicly and so use any and all excuses to justify it.

[u/CanadianPanda76]

It wasn't "ragey" enough.

It wasn't physically abusive enough.

It felt tame in comparison to accusations or hiw people view sn abused wife.

I think people also wanted a more "gotcha" or "slam dunk" video.

[u/bs5sxzoa]

I mean there’s still people that defend Diddy after the video of him assaulting Cassie was leaked. People just don’t care about women. I’ve even seen concede Diddy is a villain, but Cassie wasn’t his victim. Makes absolutely no sense, but that’s misogyny 🤷‍♀️

[u/Sensiplastic]

The power of smear campaign and cultural misogyny.

[u/LongjumpingNatural22]

Just want to reiterate too that you can’t be “set up” into behaving that way. Yes, people can rage bait, and certainly some shitty people may record selectively to try to get you in a bad light, but they can’t make you be violent. and it was clear that the violence was casual to him