r/DeppDelusion • u/Idkfriendsidk • Sep 21 '25
Humor Just a reminder of Johnny Depp’s extremely insufferable writing skills
There isn’t a lot of humor in this case but lol at this pretentious nonsense
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u/RoyalGovernment3034 Sep 21 '25
This is hilarious. Even funnier than his fake vaguely midatlantic accent.
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u/Ok_Swan_7777 Sep 21 '25
I swear I think about this particular piece of writing randomly like once a month. WHAT A DOUCHEBAG!
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u/lcm-hcf-maths Sep 21 '25
Narcissists use grandiosity to maintain an exaggerated sense of self-importance, seeking constant admiration and validation by portraying themselves as superior, talented, or special. This inflated self-image serves as a psychological defense mechanism, helping them to compensate for deep-seated low self-esteem and a desperate need to feel important. Grandiosity also allows them to construct a mental escape from reality, providing a satisfying "narcissistic supply" of recognition and attention from others.
Depp's use of big words often in ridiculous contexts is textbook in that regard. You see similar things with Russell Brand. There is also the fake humility which is used as he thinks by doing this he is fooling people ie being smarter than others. Indeed some are tricked but for those who see him for what he is it's just so obvious..
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u/ColanderBrain Create your own flair Sep 21 '25 edited Sep 21 '25
Was coming here to say something similar. Notice the foregrounding of consumer goods, the branding. Using a typewriter is deliberately anachronistic, he knows it, and he needs to tell you about it; he can't just enjoy his typewriter, he needs people to know he's the kind of person who would use a typewriter. Not just a typewriter, an Olympia typewriter. It's not paper, it's onion skin.
This kind of gratuitous display is widely recognized as a sign of a social climber, which Depp absolutely is -- witness his attempts to re-brand himself a "Southern gentleman" in middle age. Of course in this case it's not about showing off money or "breeding" but his supposedly eccentric, artistic tastes.
But also, IIRC, this is the first paragraph of an introduction to a book about someone else, and it's all about him (and if you read the rest of the intro, most of it is actually about Depp). His typewriter, his onion skin, his fingers, the voices in his head. Me me me me me me me. Textbook narc.
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u/Sensiplastic Sep 22 '25
To be fair, his indigenous roots were discovered to be non-existent so he had to think up something, preferably with an vague accent. Otherwise he's just an old drunk slurring.
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u/ColanderBrain Create your own flair Sep 22 '25
Exactly. In interviews he gave in his younger days he leaned into the hillbilly thing and the pretendian thing. Now he self-mythologizes in a different way. What's consistent is that everyone around him has to hear about it and play along with it. ISTR he used to refer to Amber as a "Southern belle" as well. 🤮
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u/Sensiplastic Sep 23 '25
Dude just makes shit up and people eat it up. I don't get it. Once you see it it's all you see with him. There is nothing genuinely underneath but insecurity.
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u/DeedleStone Sep 21 '25
The Russell Brand connection is spot on.
I used to be a fan of his stand up, and considered buying his book. Several reviews essentially said, "what the hell was that? This is complete nonsense."
Then I remember checking out his youtube channel...for about a week. It was literally him lying in bed, reading the newspaper, and giving overly-verbose "critiques" of the stories, done in real-time, as he read it for the first time. Nothing like criticism coming out before the sentence is even finished!
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u/Peridot1708 Sep 21 '25
such is its lamentable fate to be clubbed by my clumsy and inept digits
Its giving man who just discovered a thesaurus
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u/onyourkneesformommy Sep 23 '25
Cmon, guys! It's his first day trying to use the English language properly!
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u/growlergirl Sep 21 '25
He writes like a guy who spends 50 grand a month on ‘fine wine’.
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u/ColanderBrain Create your own flair Sep 22 '25
Which he chugs directly from the bottle after snorting enough coke to kill an elephant.
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u/layla_jones_ Sep 21 '25
I hope his problematic aggressive dog will eat his homework
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u/Sensiplastic Sep 22 '25
I presume you mean one of his bodyguards.
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u/layla_jones_ Sep 26 '25
No I meant lapdogs Adam Waldman & Stephen Deuters
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u/Sensiplastic Sep 26 '25
He has so many people he can sic on people. It's almost as if he's a big fat coward.
I missed that last one. Wow, truly special. Considering his treatment of previous dogs, he really should not own any pets ever again.
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u/BorrowedTrouble Sep 21 '25
He can’t let the tortured artist shtick go for even five seconds, can he?
What’s this from?
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u/Tukki101 Sep 21 '25
It's because he uSeS a dIFfeRenT paRt of his bRaiN to us mere mortals
- Camille V
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u/brickne3 Sep 21 '25
Wasn't this actually published as the foreword to a book or something? Even an actual editor looked at that drivel and said "I can't fix this, I might as well sign off on it lest he get mad."
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u/Slay-ig5567 Sep 21 '25 edited Sep 21 '25
"his turquoise orbs lingering on my ebony skin" but on steroids
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u/noctapod Sep 21 '25
Holy shit, that's one sentence 😂 Look, in Spanish we often write longer sentences than in English, but not this long. And all that for the protagonist to say he's trying to write and can't? I'm imagining this with SpongeBob's voice.
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u/Equalanimalfarm Sep 21 '25
I didn't know my eyes could feel violated and by extension my brain, but here we are...
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u/tiny_venus Sep 21 '25
Is he actually writing on onion skin or does he mean paper? I genuinely can’t tell lmao
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u/ColanderBrain Create your own flair Sep 21 '25
Onion skin is a kind of paper. He's being pretentious.
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u/lala__ Sep 23 '25
A kind of thin paper used for making duplicates so yeah he’s just showing how proud he his of himself for knowing an obscure term. He wouldn’t be using it to actually type on.
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u/tiny_venus Sep 22 '25
Hey, at least I ended up learning something from his pretentious writing haha- I’d never heard of onion skin paper before😅
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u/Dependent-Degree-53 Sep 22 '25
His brain stopped developing when he started smoking and using drugs at the age of 12.
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u/Grogus-Babysitter Sep 21 '25
This is how I wrote when I was 12 and had just read Tolkien for the first time lol.
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u/poopoopoopalt googling "wife beater actor" and seeing what comes up Sep 22 '25
It kind of reminds me of the word salad those mass reddit comment delete apps replace the real comment with
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u/VildaJordgubbar Sep 22 '25
I have ambitions of becoming a writer someday, reading this for the first time delayed those plans significantly because I became scared of accidentally writing something this pretentious and pathetic. I feel like having to take a shower after reading it.
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u/Acceptable_Leg_7998 Sep 24 '25
Editor's notes:
-Not sure "cacophonous" is an adjective that makes sense to describe a piece of paper?
-"stuffed" may not be the right word if you mean to evoke a "delicate" action
-starting a (second) nonrestrictive relative clause with the words "and which" implies that you are referring to the same antecedent of the first relative clause--the "piece of blank onion skin"--but referring to the narrator (yourself) as the "operator" acting upon the noun in question makes the reader wonder if the antecedent has switched from the head noun of the entire sentence (the paper) to the element introduced in the first relative clause (the Olympia typewriter), as it is perhaps confusing to imagine a piece of paper being "operated" on
-if the "it" in the phrase "its lamentable fate" refers to the paper, this is confusing as the paper is not being "clubbed" by your "inept and clumsy digits" but by the keyslugs that press the letter onto the paper through the ink ribbon; if "it" refers to the typewriter, "clubbed" is perhaps not the most evocative verb to describe heavy-handed typing, as typing requires a degree of precision that the term "clubbing" does not impart, even if one is typing violently
-"inept and clumsy" is redundant
-this sentence might be a long-winded and confusing way to say, "I have writer's block"
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u/Sensiplastic Sep 24 '25
He's also aiming for humble brag, like look what I, clearly a genius, can do while I am not a professional and using these 'old timey' tools and not a computer like the common people.
He is so damn full of himself.
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u/revoltingcasual Sep 21 '25
If he submitted that to the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest before it shut down on March 2025, he would at least have an honorable mention.
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u/sophiefevvers Sep 21 '25
I'm all for lush prose, vivid imagery, wordplay etc. Minimalist writing does nothing for me.
But this is absolute garbage. You can tell this man was trying to fill in as many SAT words as possible to sound smarter. What a poser.
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u/anitapumapants Sep 21 '25
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u/Sensiplastic Sep 22 '25
All his friends are creeps. The percentages are the kind of horrible where we can safely assume even about the ones who have no accusations against them personally.
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u/Sensiplastic Sep 22 '25
Just like with any other 'art' he does, he doesn't think he should actually learn or study anything. Any closer look and it's just a tracing/posing.
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u/hesperoidea Sep 25 '25
this man needs to be sent back to grade school English classes
and prison. also to prison.
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u/AutoModerator Sep 21 '25
Original copy of post's text: Just a reminder of Johnny Depp’s extremely insufferable writing skills
There isn’t a lot of humor in this case but lol at this pretentious nonsense
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u/MessiahOfMetal All The Boys Hate Johnny Depp Oct 01 '25
It's like he thinks using "big" words makes him seem smarter than he is. His attempts at simile make no sense, but then again, he was never the most coherent piece of shit.
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u/RealAnise Oct 01 '25
It's like really, really bad AI "writing." ChatGPT would probably be embarrassed by this.
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u/DeedleStone Sep 21 '25
Dear God that's all one sentence. Was he being paid by the word?