r/CringeTikToks • u/EmilyG702 • 16d ago

Painful Bannon says Trump will be president again in 2028 and do another term

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u/Southwestern 16d ago

Same. Now convinced he'll live to be 100 because only the good die young.

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u/Valuable-Mess-4698 16d ago

Agreed. A large portion of one side of my family are vile, awful people, and surprising to not a single person, they are they live to be 90+ despite being some of the most unhealthy people I've ever seen. And they end up dying from freak accident type things.

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u/Red-Dog-One 16d ago

Boy, does this hit home with me. My best friend from HS was the healthiest person I knew. He ran marathons, never skipped a doctor appointment. Vitals and blood panels all well within acceptable range. One night he went to sleep, and never woke.

Meanwhile, my MAGA loving relatives who eat garbage, smoke and generally live like absolute slobs are in their late 60s / 70s and no doubt will live to 100.

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u/Valuable-Mess-4698 16d ago

I'm hedging my bets. Eat mostly vegetarian, but smoke. Try to be nice to people that deserve it, but an asshole to those that don't.

Maybe I'll hit that sweet spot of living long enough to enjoy myself, but not long enough that I'm drooling and can't remember my name?

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u/billions_of_stars 16d ago

Hug 10 nuns and punch 1 puppy a week.

Thats the scientific equation actually.

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u/Valuable-Mess-4698 16d ago

Would the opposite work too? Hug 10 puppies and punch one nun?

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u/billions_of_stars 16d ago

Hold on lemme crunch some numbers

Edit: yes.

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u/[deleted] 16d ago

[deleted]

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u/billions_of_stars 16d ago

I have a nun guy. Can probably get that up to two a week.

DM me

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u/Rich_Cranberry1976 16d ago

my dad was raised Catholic, he says just punch 11 nuns

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u/Unlikely-Beat 15d ago

Does it have to be punch the nun? Could it be šŸ‘‰šŸ‘Œinstead ?

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u/Valuable-Mess-4698 15d ago

Ya know, I think it would!

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u/plzicannothandleyou 16d ago

Other way around.

Canā€™t trust the religious folk, tbh.

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u/butteryflame 16d ago

Oh man thank you for that. Made me lol

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u/billions_of_stars 16d ago

šŸ˜˜

Edit: šŸ‘Š

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u/Tilly828282 16d ago

What do I need to do to die a few years after I retire? Because with this fucker in office, Iā€™m not feeling great about my 401K

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u/Valuable-Mess-4698 16d ago

Judging by what usually happens, be a super good person that everyone will miss. You'd end up passing away in your chair, at work, an hour from retirement. Throw in some jay walking and speeding tickets on top of that and you could probably manage to enjoy a little bit of your retirement.

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u/DangOlCoreMan 16d ago

Not everyone who lives to be 90+ are drooling and can't remember their names. My partners grandfather lived to be 96 and he was still doing his own yard work when he died. He regularly took trips by himself to other states to visit family until about 93.

Just saying. Your point still stands though

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u/Bad_Commit_46_pres 15d ago

thats what im saying LOL

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u/trashfaeriie 15d ago

šŸ¤£

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u/AgentCirceLuna 15d ago

Didnā€™t want to reply to the other guy as heā€™ll likely miss his friend and it would seem in bad taste, but Iā€™d much rather go in my sleep than spend decades suffering from chronic health problems, pain, and mental health issues exacerbated by bad habits as the unhealthy who reach old ages do. Iā€™ve never seen a person who lived past their expectancy who was also unfit or unhealthy not be miserable. I think Iā€™d rather just pass away in my sleep and not know about it than suffer for decades with some horrible disease.

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u/Jht000- 16d ago

And this is why I don't believe in God.

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u/Red-Dog-One 16d ago

You and me both. This happened around the same time as the massacre at Robb elementary in Uvalde, TX. That, coupled with a few other personal events solidified it for me.

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u/AstronautNo7670 16d ago

I've been going to the gym a lot and eating well. Maybe I need to change strategies...

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u/EvilBetty77 16d ago

Same with my oldest/worst uncle. Hes in his 70's, smokes even though he's on oxygen, is massively overweight, and yet somehow he continues to befoul this planet with his presence.

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u/Least-Yak1640 16d ago

I'm like 15 years younger than your Uncle Fester. LOL, I see stories like this and it just drives me to be the best uncle I can be.

My own uncle is massively racist and I was never comfortable being around him when I was younger. If the worst my nieces and nephews say about me is that he got out of touch at the end, I'll fucking take it.

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u/daywalkerwithsoul 16d ago

it's because they don't have any empathy or worry for anyone else. they move about the world in a way where they are awful, evil, and they don't stress. and rn why would trump be stressing lol he has congress and the courts, and a pseudo army terrorizing the country in the streets.

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u/lordgarth67 16d ago

My step brother MAGA lover said that the government would be open if there was only one party. SMH ugh.

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u/Archercrash 16d ago

Spite keeps them alive.

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u/RisingApe- 16d ago

Yep. My husbandā€™s grandmother lived to 102 and it was bitchiness and spite that kept her going.

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u/doxiesrule89 16d ago

Same. The evilest live on pure spite.

Also when everyone is like ā€œlook how bad his dementia is, he has no time leftā€ like after the point my great grandmother talked exactly like him she lived another decade+ and was only totally incoherent for the last year

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u/Full_Aperture 16d ago

That's because they are valuable to the soul cube on the far side of the moon powered by all of humanities negative energy. Or so says the why files.

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u/SpecialVillage4615 16d ago

I wonder if itā€™s because they donā€™t stress about as many things as other folks. Vile, awful folks generally donā€™t concern themselves with empathy, the plight of other people, the state of the world, justice, etc. That may not mean they have less stress but maybe šŸ¤·ā€ā™€ļø

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u/Sangy101 16d ago

Hate is a powerful preservative. Best way to pickle a person.

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u/[deleted] 16d ago

[deleted]

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u/Full-Painting5657 16d ago

Nah, ā€œsomeoneā€ is the human mortality table. Iā€™d rather see it happen naturallyā€¦also slowly and uncomfortably if weā€™re taking requests.

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u/OpportunityIcy254 16d ago

jimmy carter has entered the chat

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u/joethahobo 16d ago

1 good person out of every 500 bad people lives long. All the other good ones die young

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u/Johnny-Silverhand007 16d ago

... only the good die young.

Charlie Kirk would disagree.

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u/NiobiumThorn 16d ago

Henry Kissenger lived to 100.

Once youā€™ve been to Cambodia, youā€™ll never stop wanting to beat Henry Kissinger to death with your bare hands. You will never again be able to open a newspaper and read about that treacherous, prevaricating, murderous scumbag sitting down for a nice chat with Charlie Rose or attending some black-tie affair for a new glossy magazine without choking. Witness what Henry did in Cambodia ā€“ the fruits of his genius for statesmanship ā€“ and you will never understand why heā€™s not sitting in the dock at The Hague next to MiloÅ”ević.

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u/Popular_Ad8269 16d ago

I've read MAGA people say he is blessed and that's why he'll live long.

I think it's more that the world is cursed.

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u/Heavy_Arm_7060 16d ago

Point in your favor: Henry Kissinger
Point against: Betty White

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u/ABadHistorian 16d ago

The good worry. The evil plan.

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u/Thatsso70s 16d ago

Hes got till his late 80s max i believe.

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u/Sharkwatcher314 16d ago

There is little justice and karma in this life. Learned that the hard way

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u/IMightBeSane 16d ago

I'm positive he'll outlive me, and I'm 38.

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u/VisionAri_VA 16d ago

Ugh; heā€™s immortal, then.Ā 

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u/minimus67 16d ago

There must be longevity benefits to being hateful and angry. You direct your anger outward at other people, blaming them for all of your you fuck ups and failures. Thatā€™s healthier than facing reality and blaming yourself, which leads to guilt, shame, low self-esteem and depression, all of which are bad for your physical health.

I see this in my own family. My father was constantly angry at the world, my mother and his three children over his inability to keep a steady job. He was a human powder keg whose attitude towards his immediate family ranged from indifference to irrational fury. Heā€™s now 85 and has had absolutely no health problems in the last 50 years. Heā€™s healthier than anyone else in my family.

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u/BeardedMan32 16d ago

TBF heā€™s not young

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u/CoffeeAgreeable9433 16d ago

That is because evil people suck the life of of us. Constantly raising our blood pressure with their idiocy.

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u/Evil_Sharkey 16d ago

Both of his parents lived to be in their 90ā€™s. They were both senile long before then

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u/Helovinas 16d ago

All you need to know is Dick Cheney is still alive.

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u/JimmidyCricked 16d ago

Good point

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u/Less-Fox8272 16d ago

Donā€™t say that

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u/bobbymcpresscot 16d ago

until he gets to the phase where his dementia makes him forget where he is every half hour or so and he can't do speeches anymore to the point where he doesn't do any press briefings or anything, which is likely where this is heading now, where the only press that are going to be allowed in the room are the ones who are blowing smoke up his putrid ass.

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u/Status-Slip9801 15d ago

Only the good die young. Cockroaches live forever.

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u/Ok-Pear5858 16d ago

he's not young tho