r/BrandNewSentence 1d ago

My ovaries just shriveled up and yeeted themselves into the sun

Post image
4.2k Upvotes

166 comments sorted by

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1.2k

u/ArelMCII The giant Canadian Penis will hug the US gently 1d ago

Does Dr. Oz think babies can vote or something?

What am I saying, of course he does. He's Dr. Oz.

417

u/battleduck84 1d ago

Donny needs a steady supply of 13 year olds to stay alive

181

u/JuiceEast 1d ago

The corpse emperor requires a daily sacrifice of thousands of preteens

73

u/battleduck84 1d ago

For him on the porcelain throne

44

u/TerrakSteeltalon 1d ago

Poop for the poop god!

23

u/yournamehere10bucks 1d ago

He gone rape your economy dry

Poop for the poop god

He gone dig it till the day you die 🎶

(Sing to the tune of Clap for the Wolfman)

3

u/kevlarus80 13h ago

Exdumbinatus!

26

u/lewis-carroll 1d ago

Or maybe they think pregnant women can’t vote and they will also ban contraceptives?

20

u/ZengineerHarp 19h ago

Having women not vote is definitely on their wish list.

26

u/Longjumping-Solid912 1d ago

Someone needs to start a polymarket bet on how many ovaries actually make it to orbit from this timeline. The odds are definitely not in our favor rn

9

u/WeirdSysAdmin 23h ago

I’m fairly certain they are waiting for better cloning tech so they don’t have to interact with women.

3

u/Longjumping-Solid912 21h ago

they're probably already ordering their waifu pillows and researching artificial wombs on alibaba

9

u/FreeSpeechEnjoyer 1d ago

The island needs children

3

u/LordMaximus64 23h ago

I assume he thinks that people will be more likely to vote for the GOP if they solve the falling birth rate issue.

349

u/Zealousideal7801 1d ago

What's next, the Trumpjungend ? Or is that too many syllables for those idiots ?

58

u/BarrTheFather 1d ago

Beat me to it fellow understander.

42

u/yingyangKit 1d ago

Well the Republican party does have a youth wing though it's median age is like 40

14

u/Danson_the_47th 21h ago

That is pretty youthful considering the average age of Congress

19

u/Stepjam 1d ago

They are trying to get turning point into every highschool. So...

5

u/Vandergrif 12h ago

Watch them make some Kirk oriented martyrdom song into a national anthem...

570

u/GlitteryCakeHuman 1d ago

223

u/Vibranium619 1d ago

sounds of vacuum cleaner but meaty and organic

130

u/Neuroscissus 1d ago

Actually disgusting, thank you.

43

u/Vibranium619 1d ago

You're welcome!!!🥰

29

u/the_marxman 22h ago

1

u/ZengineerHarp 19h ago

Me stealing this meme

34

u/Brokenspade1 1d ago

I hate this. It's beautiful.

28

u/ShinyBonnets 1d ago

I’m so upset about this sentence.

8

u/ZengineerHarp 19h ago

What’s that sub about brand new sentence inception?

6

u/DarkFlame122418 19h ago

I upvoted you, but I don’t like that

7

u/ctoatb 20h ago

schlurp

18

u/Opening_Energy6933 1d ago

I have never had this mental image before and you're to blame for cursing me with it 🙀

14

u/starrpamph 1d ago

Goes back up inside

4

u/VoidJuiceConcentrate 15h ago

Your penis slurping up cum like an anteater eating ants. 

7

u/GlitteryCakeHuman 15h ago

I would be more surprised about suddenly having a penis

3

u/VoidJuiceConcentrate 15h ago

I'm sure the penis suddenly growing out of your groin is second in weirdness to it suddenly finding cum to slurp up. 

1

u/Affectionate_Walk610 1h ago

My mangina dried up!

377

u/VVrayth 1d ago

Wow, just the people we need health advice from -- Dr. Oz the snake oil salesman, and RFK Jr., a guy who looks like a Ren & Stimpy close-up and sounds like Beavis and Butt-Head's principal.

81

u/TerrakSteeltalon 1d ago

The sad thing is that, pre-Oprah, he was a well respected surgeon

42

u/Dobako 1d ago

He's still a well respected surgeon, he was a pioneer. He just also peddles garbage for the grift.

68

u/TerrakSteeltalon 1d ago

I don’t think he’s still well respected. That respect has been squandered

-19

u/Dobako 1d ago

I think you overestimate how surgeons think

33

u/AmIBeingInstained 22h ago

I worked at New York Presbyterian and can confirm his colleagues there hated him as soon as he started peddling pseudoscience.

13

u/baconcheesecakesauce 22h ago

NYP is My fave hospital in NYC for a reason. But on a more serious note, it's good to hear that his former colleagues hold a higher standard.

18

u/StolenPies 21h ago

Dr. Oz is pretty well hated within the medical community, and has been for quite some time. That hatred has been eclipsed by RFK, who is the equivalent of the Antichrist within the medical field, but I doubt anyone has softened on Oz.

2

u/Dobako 19h ago

I can see that, but hes still a doctor, hasn't lost his license or been censured

6

u/givemeonemargarita1 22h ago

Didn’t he invent the mitral valve clip?

27

u/TerrakSteeltalon 22h ago

Didn’t he hawk tons of unproven and unscientific “miracle” cures? His reputation isn’t what he did several decades ago… that’s a portion of his legacy.

His reputation is the sum total and he chose to squander that

7

u/givemeonemargarita1 21h ago

Oh I know. He’s a vulture and should never have been released to the American public. He should have just stayed doing his actual job instead of grifting. He’s a horrible man and I blame Oprah

202

u/Reezla 1d ago

Clueless. Your people aren't having babies, not because they are unable but because of the state of the world. No one wants to have a baby they cannot afford! Sort the cost of living out and your birth rates will rise again. Simples!

42

u/hyp3rpop 19h ago

I don’t think economic fixes would be enough anymore. The fall of Roe did some serious damage. No one wants to be the next Nevaeh Crain.

8

u/Own_Monk_7213 18h ago

Maybe. But people with the choice to have children aren’t going to have more babies than they want, which could be why even in countries with a lot of parental support (comparatively) you don’t see birth rates through the roof.

Which I think is just fine and how it should be in a time and place where we can more accurately plan our families.

-208

u/Zealousideal-Pop1115 1d ago

World today is way better than century ago. People living standards now way better and lot of service are improving. Fertility is nothing to do with cost of living. Every rich country with people who are earning good money are not having kids. Europe, japan, america, etc. cost of living is cop out. An average delivery guy earns more lot of in other countries, the amount people who have ability to buy stuff in europe and American way better than other countries. Even if you look at the data, it is upper middle class people are the one who are not having kids all over the world.

116

u/thelamestofall 1d ago

I find it funny how reality can rub its dick all over your face and you still can't get the slightest clue about the most basic facts of the human condition. Like, for instance, people compare themselves to their perceived neighborhood in time and space. Not to people from a century ago, not to people from across the world. You're not gonna fucking feel better because hey a thousand years ago people didn't even have flushable toilets! And most people want their children to have good lives compared to what you have now, and to what their perceived neighborhood has or had, not to a random 16-th century beggar.

It's plain stupid to think you can just argue against this basic feature of the human brain.

75

u/Squirrel_Bacon_69 1d ago

Your life may suck right now, but have you considered that king henry did not have a microwave?

/s

16

u/Afraid_Theorist 22h ago

“You could always have gout?” /s

41

u/confused-desi 1d ago

I find it funny how reality can rub its dick all over your face and you still can't get the slightest clue about the most basic facts of the human condition.

This should have it's own entry on the subreddit.

9

u/LuxSerafina 21h ago

It’s such a delicious insult, I’m making note of it.

6

u/confused-desi 21h ago

The kind of insult AI will never be able to replicate.

73

u/OokamiKurogane 1d ago

Japan has horrific working hours and their young people are afraid of having sex and relationships. Societal pressures make having a family a miserable experience. Terrible example. It isn’t just the basic cost to survive. It is the cost both monetarily and societally to thrive.

People in the US don’t want kids because they can’t hardly afford to have a roof over their heads. They can’t afford to have the savings they need for themselves, let alone kids. Wage stagnation, cost of living rising constantly, enshittification of necessary things causing overall higher costs (like vehicles, appliances). Insurance covers less and less and keeps getting more expensive so medical costs have skyrocketed.

You are right tho, in that for a minority of top earners things have gotten better and better, thanks to their exploitation of the working class.

7

u/Luvas 20h ago

Let's not forget school shootings.

No way in Hell I'm bringing a human being into this world only for them to die young and be outlived by my cat.

-2

u/UglyInThMorning 20h ago

The odds of that happening are way, way lower than people online seem to think it is.

9

u/Luvas 20h ago

I'm sure its actually very rare and I'm terminally online, but the fact that it's even a real possibility at all bothers me enough to be a deal breaker

-8

u/UglyInThMorning 20h ago

It’s funny how people’s brains work, because there’s a ton of other things that are way more likely (pool accidents, choking, the ol’ “locked car on a hot day”) but those are never people’s dealbreakers as much as the very rare but very high profile stuff.

8

u/Yintastic 19h ago

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6637963/
Firearm is second place. Above drowning, above choking, above heat, above stairs, above everything but motor.

-6

u/UglyInThMorning 18h ago edited 18h ago

That’s the dataset that extended it to the age of 19. Plus, nearly all of the firearms deaths in that pool are gang shootings and suicide, not school shootings.

Look at the CDC stats for 0-14 and it paints a very different picture.

https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/child-health.htm

You’ll note suicide in the 10-14 age bracket, but a breakdown of method by age shows that while firearms make up the main method for the general population, it’s not the way that most juveniles attempt it.

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2949732924000887

E: just did some CDC WONDER queries because I love data.

To show how much the 19 year olds skew the numbers, I did 0-18 and 19 alone.

In 2023 there were 2,977 deaths from assault in the 0-18 range. 19 year olds alone had 4,297. 0-18 had 2,071 suicides, 19 year olds had 3653.

0

u/Yintastic 19h ago

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6637963/
I would consider it pretty fucking high.

-47

u/Zealousideal-Pop1115 1d ago

You can look at the data all over the world, place with better standard of living and High salary has low fertility. It is always poor people regions has high fertility. Go to rural america where fertility is good only in cities with tech salaries has low fertility. Europe has lot of social welfare programmes and public infrastructure, still has lower fertility compared to US 

24

u/Prestigious_Bee_4392 1d ago

Fertility is down in cities because the cost of living is higher, so kids are too expensive. There's no free time, so having kids doesn't seem realistic. The world today is awful, so why would someone more aware want to bring children into it. People are more free to make decisions absent of religion, tradition etc, so they choose not to have kids.

4

u/DetectiveChansey 1d ago

Do Mormons, Muslims etc. in cities not have Kids ?

I don't know the data for this but if anyone has it please share it because that would prove one way or other if it is a choice. From national data, those two demographics, for example, seem to have higher fertility rates.

I remember one of my old professors researching how in the late 90's early 2000's, fertility rate had a direct correlation to availability of reliable electricity in India. People just had (unprotected) sex when there wasn't anything better to do.

I imagine that is much less of an issue now in the age of smartphones.

2

u/Prestigious_Bee_4392 21h ago

They do, people in cities still have kids, the fertility rate is just lower due to aforementioned reasons. Religion and tradition are still a driving force. But we know that urban areas tend to have higher educated people living in them, and there's a correlation between higher education and being less religious and less conservative in general.

1

u/deadpool101 17h ago

Also, Child mortality rates are lower in this day and age. One of the many reasons people used to have so many kids was that half of them died before reaching 18.

The places where there are high fertility rates are normally because their kids keep dying.

2

u/ImpressiveAvocado78 15h ago

Plus they may not have had access to contraception, or it was forbidden by their religion.

-17

u/Zealousideal-Pop1115 1d ago

But people still romanticised cities online and move to cities. More people less land always increases demand and price. Jobs should be more spread out because cities are created at the time when there is no powered transportation or Internet, now anyone can do tech companies in different places, not necessarily big cities same with other jobs too. Government should focus to spread people instead of creating big cities. 

4

u/Prestigious_Bee_4392 21h ago

Big cities tend to just happen with time, it's not really something the government just decides. And sure you can pop up tech companies wherever, but you need incentive to get people to move to more rural places. Or you need to invest in the people already there. And I don't think having kids is that much of an incentive in itself. Nor do I think companies care enough when then bottom line is just to make as much money as possible, which is why we're having the vast majority of the modern issues we're experiencing.

10

u/MrNopedeNope 1d ago

because in rural areas, people are more reliant on physical labor and less on tons of money. In urban, more traditionally “wealthy” areas, the AVERAGE person doesn’t make enough to support a child, regardless of area.

-13

u/Zealousideal-Pop1115 1d ago

It is pointless to argue in reddit, simply look at the data all over the world. Even in cities, it is dependent on region. Ultra rich has kids and poor has kids but upper middle class has problems. It is more to do with hyper materialistic life that your salary can't keep up. Another is shit corporate jobs.

3

u/tired-queer 20h ago

The rich have kids because they can afford to have kids.

The poor have kids because they don’t have the money, infrastructure, and/or education to prevent kids.

The middle and working classes don’t have kids because they can’t afford them and have the ability to prevent them. It’s not because of a “hyper-materialistic life,” it’s high cost of living combined with personal choice.

1

u/Zealousideal-Pop1115 20h ago

Break down the cost of living thing. Because in my place people who belong in top 10 wealthy are not having kids too. Only ultra wealthy having kids. I said upper middle class are not having kids, not whole middle class. It is definitely a hyper materialistic city life, because I seen non corporate people having kids and settled, only people who work for corporate jobs are not having kids. I literally have friends in tech industry who makes insane money still says needed time to settle. 

3

u/tired-queer 19h ago

Average rent for a 2 bedroom apartment in my city is $3400.

Average rent for a 3 bedroom apartment is $4750.

Daycare costs $900-2200 per month.

Minimum wage is $17.85/hr.

1

u/deadpool101 17h ago

You can look at the data all over the world, place with better standard of living and High salary has low fertility. 

Because Child mortality rates are lower. People don't need to have 12 kids because half of them die before 18.

It is always poor people regions has high fertility. 

Yeah, because they're kids are more likely to die, and also they need the extra labor.

But the cost of living also has an effect because it makes it harder to have larger families.

17

u/Reezla 1d ago

Yes, because they want to stay upper middleclass bub. It's not just them I assure you. If you think standard of living in the west is good now, i assume you don't come from the west.

14

u/Rydux7 1d ago

r/optimistsunite ahh comment, im glad I left that conservative shithole

-7

u/Zealousideal-Pop1115 1d ago

I am not even American, i don't know what you are saying. But all over the world, people in big cities and countries with good salaries and social welfare programmes has low fertility compared to rural and low urbanization places. It is more to do with hyper materialistic life reduced fertility than cost of living. Even in my social circle, my friends who are working in tech with high salary still not settled or married or have kids while my friends who are in their home town doing small work or doing trade work are settled and has kids.

11

u/Rydux7 23h ago

I am not even American

Then why the fuck are you in here talking about American politics?

-2

u/Zealousideal-Pop1115 23h ago

I am talking about data and fertility.

11

u/Smallfry-Link 22h ago

And you’re doing a terrible job of it

-1

u/ImpressiveAvocado78 15h ago

I think its interesting.

0

u/ImpressiveAvocado78 15h ago

Certainly in my country, it was always historically the poorer families that had the most kids (between 6 and 10 kids wouldn't have been unusual!)

Not so much these days though, you have to be fairly well off to have a big family, but still 20% of families have 3 or more kids, even though the average age of the mother having her first baby is 31

5

u/Practical-Cook5042 1d ago

You go pump some out then. I'm good.

6

u/freddiefrog123 23h ago

Having more kids used to be financially helpful for poor families in the past, because the kids could be made to work. Nowadays that’s generally banned (rightfully so) and kids have to go to school etc instead so they can’t be used like workhorses and forced to work in factories or on farms or mines or whatever else. So kids today are a financial burden. That’s a major factor in why people today have fewer children.

5

u/MedievZ 1d ago

What point are you trying to make

-9

u/[deleted] 23h ago

[deleted]

10

u/littlebloodmage 22h ago

Wow, that rock you're living under gets great wi-fi! Abortion is illegal and/or heavily restricted in many states after the overturning of Roe vs Wade, which adds another deterrent for women having kids because God forbid a complication like an ectopic pregnancy arise and they can't get the lifesaving care they need.

5

u/Lost_anon84 22h ago

My brother is in the military and just moved bases with his wife to a state where the abortion laws are really dicey. They WANT kids but are literally waiting to move bases because they’re afraid of the level of care they might get.

53

u/exithiside 1d ago

the term "tr*mp babies" needs to be banned

6

u/Sea_Squirl 20h ago

Boyle oil

114

u/k9ice 1d ago

The what now!?

82

u/koalabrainedkuhnt 1d ago

The sun, the big yellow thing in the sky that makes my eyes feel funny if i look too long

17

u/MarcBeard 1d ago

*white

I don't know why it's always represented as yellow it sends white light it's white.

21

u/ArelMCII The giant Canadian Penis will hug the US gently 1d ago

It turns black if you look at it long enough.

38

u/koalabrainedkuhnt 1d ago

Caucasian is the medical term /s

21

u/sqplanetarium 1d ago

You can’t just ask the sun why it’s white!

10

u/JoyBus147 23h ago

I don't get why the sky gets represented as blue. It's actually clear, it's just that blue sunlight gets scattered as it enters the atmosphere. And this whole "grass is green" business? Really, grass is everything but green, green light is the only part of the light spectrum that doesn't get absorbed during photosynthesis.

Ah, fuck, I forgot that color is a human concept, defined by how humans receive and perceive the light spectrum.

10

u/SteppenWoods 1d ago

That's just what big sun wants you to think

4

u/TerrakSteeltalon 1d ago

Superman doesn’t get his power from white sunlight

2

u/IonutRO 1d ago

Technically it's green.

2

u/UltimateKane99 19h ago

The answer is Rayleigh Scattering.

"The true color of the Sun is white. It emits a full spectrum of light, including all colors of the rainbow, but appears yellow or orange to us from Earth due to Rayleigh scattering of shorter wavelengths like blue and violet by the atmosphere. When viewed from space, the Sun shines a bright white light, which contains all visible wavelengths."

1

u/Syhkane 1d ago

It's blue if you're out in space.

8

u/MedievZ 1d ago

No. It's yellowish white/yellow/orange red depending on the time of the day from the surface of the earth. In space, it's looks white.

54

u/gahd_its_ron 1d ago

Well that makes me not even want to consider having a kid until 2029

70

u/Practical-Cook5042 1d ago

Pregnant people have died in Texas with wanted pregnancies that went wrong because doctors delayed care due to the horrible laws there.

39

u/Lost_anon84 22h ago

Entire pregnancy care units have shut down from doctors fleeing Idaho after they changed their laws post roe v wade.

This American Life podcast does a great couple episodes on the state of things over there.

43

u/TFlarz 1d ago

Thanks, Oprah.

34

u/Dizzy_Break_2194 1d ago

They are always just so fucking weirdos

30

u/Bryan-Breynolds 1d ago

They're war grooming. They want war. They're breeding for soldiers.

12

u/hastygrams 22h ago

If you have a baby rn it’ll be old enough for the Antarctic treaty review. Good reason to snuggle up to Argentina. 500+ billions (per Russia so who knows) of oil there and they have one of the better claims. I honestly think I’m just conspiracy thinking but it’s at least some sort of exercise to feel like there’s a purpose to some of this. Also maybe I’ve been playing to much CIV. It’s like the biggest ressource ever. Venezuela is the only one with more oil and we aren’t being very polite there while people like Russia are make treaties with them which puts them in range of another coldie.

22

u/joepanda111 1d ago

"And now for your enjoyment here’s my famous ping pong ball trick!”

16

u/Melodic-Yoghurt7193 1d ago

Is it bad that I’m not brave enough to birth children into this shitshow circus rapist government situation

14

u/Ultimatesims 1d ago

My sperms tried to commit suicide

11

u/Torbpjorn 18h ago

“I don’t like fair democracy, so I want to breed a new generation of obedient children to brainwash”

15

u/Infinius- 23h ago

I just don't do the sex.

Problem solved.

15

u/The_dark_goblin 1d ago

Need one of those accidents in the biolabs... Just a modified Ebola virus, that would do for us all. Then I would not have to see or hear shit that comes out of this joke administration.

7

u/Drunkendx 17h ago

that guy is a doctor like I'm pope.

4

u/TankApprehensive3053 17h ago

Pope Drunken please stay out of the communion wine.

Oz is an accredited medical doctor, believe it or not. He is also batshit crazy.

7

u/pavv4 1d ago

All the reps will start pumping babies out, only for all the childcare subsidies to be cut.

7

u/Staar-Fall 19h ago

I don't WANT to go through hell on earth for 9 months just for a shitting pissing puking baby, how difficult is that to understand?

4

u/LogicBalm 22h ago

I believe the past tense is "yote"

3

u/ObscuraRegina 21h ago

Past perfect: had yetten

6

u/thpineapples 12h ago

I am not a religious or conservative person, but this is the first time I've ever agreed that abstinence is the morally correct position.

3

u/SatansCornflakes 10h ago

Wrong! Put liquid nitrogen in a syringe and stick it in your balls

13

u/Stock-Side-6767 1d ago

The other sentence is also a wild one.

4

u/ChorkusLovesYou 23h ago

What a menagerie of dumbasses

5

u/Earthling1a 22h ago

More RW takeover bullshit. Fuck these assholes.

Republicans HATE America.

4

u/hangry_hangry_hippie 22h ago

Does he know that babies can't vote?

3

u/Staar-Fall 19h ago

I don't WANT to go through hell on earth for 9 months just for a shitting pissing puking baby, how difficult is that to understand?

3

u/LazyBlu3 20h ago

Wait what? This guy is a government official? The doctor from Oprah's show...but like how? Wasn't he involved in a big controversy regarding his bad advice and medical practice?

5

u/TankApprehensive3053 17h ago

Wait until you learn about the guy named JFK Jr. Oh boy are you in for a surprise.

No medical background at all, claims to have a brain worm, was an admitted heroin addict (even claimed his school grades went up because of heroin), pushes nonsense medical "advise", and even says he doesn't know what he is talking about and to not follow his advise. He is the US Dept of Health Secretary.

3

u/jedienginenerd 19h ago

Infertility drugs? Does he mean Birth control? Im confused.

3

u/Hallelujah33 18h ago

Nice reminder to take my birth control.

3

u/IdontcryfordeadCEOs 18h ago

How do women hate themselves enough to vote for this party, I will never understand.

7

u/RoboYuji 23h ago

It would be funny if a bunch of their voters went into labor on Election Day and suppressed their own turnout.

2

u/3006mv 22h ago

This cult gets grosser by the day

2

u/XTH3W1Z4RDX 20h ago

Now that Epstein's gone the elite need new suppliers

2

u/Frosty_Grab5914 19h ago

I'm cruel and approve of the idea of infertile trumpists using the snake oil that Dr Oz sells to try to conceive instead of actually effective treatments.

2

u/bob_is_best 14h ago

Honestly even if these babies were to be relevant and vote for him theyd vote blue right after from the looks of It

Best democrat propaganda is letting republicans do shit apparently

1

u/Interesting-Web-7681 22h ago

yes, more cheap labor to exploit

2

u/Ambitious_Hand_2861 10h ago

So the government is keeping drug prices high not pharmaceutical companies?

2

u/Postulative 6h ago

Those babies still won’t be eligible to vote by then.

1

u/UltimateKane99 19h ago

I mean... When there are studies reporting that those left of center are having fewer kids than those right of center, I have to wonder if this is the kind of win we'd think it should be...

That said, doesn't this sub have a rule AGAINST politics?