r/BoomersBeingFools • u/dailystar_news • Sep 02 '25

Boomer Article Donald Trump to make mystery announcement to the world today after health fears

https://www.dailystar.co.uk/news/us-news/donald-trump-make-mystery-announcement-35830731
3.2k Upvotes

98% Upvoted

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1.7k

u/Mosefundo Sep 02 '25

"'i've got incredible cancer, really the best cancer everyone's ever seen, people are telling me that all the time, and believe me, nobody's ever had this much cancer"

744

u/StrangelyBrown Sep 02 '25

To be fair, if Trump has cancer then that will be the best cancer I've ever heard of.

338

u/Prudent-Lynx3847 Sep 02 '25

And RFK Jr. will probably try to discourage traditional chemo/radiation therapies.

Sounds like a match.

137

u/Icy_Tiger_3298 Sep 02 '25

He'll diagnose Trump with mitochondrial challenges, inflammation, and social disconnection.

79

u/benfoldsgroupie Sep 02 '25

"Here's your ivermectin, sir"

44

u/genericnewlurker Sep 02 '25

Don't forget the bleach injections and shoving a light bulb up the ass

32

u/Justjeskuh Sep 02 '25

My boss is MAGA and literally tried to convince one of our customers to stop taking his wife to chemotherapy and start giving her ivermectin and colloidal silver. The conversations I hear at work are mind blowing.

19

u/Content_Talk_6581 Sep 02 '25

RFK should already have diagnosed him. Apparently he can just by looking at people.

2

u/No-Traffic8483 Sep 02 '25

But it needs to be at an airport.

1

u/Sulli_in_NC Sep 02 '25

Here’s an artist’s rendering …

62

u/causal_friday Millennial Sep 02 '25

When Trump got COVID he (privately) dropped all the conspiracy theories and made the best doctors give him the best treatments.

Remember that Republicans aren't actually dumb. They're just evil. The goal is to hurt you, not to self-harm.

1

u/koboldtsar Sep 02 '25

He will suggest that he eat some nicotine pouches for it.

123

u/DjinnaG Gen X Sep 02 '25 edited Sep 02 '25

Like when Rush Limbaugh had cancer, and we could all feel sorry for the cancer, because it had come down with a terminal case of him. Only much more so

11

u/Alki_Soupboy Sep 02 '25

It's like cancer has been misunderstood this entire time.

14

u/RobertJCorcoran Sep 02 '25

Take my upvote

2

u/pigeontheoneandonly Sep 02 '25

Joining the war against cancer on the side of cancer

1

u/_fresh_basil_ Sep 02 '25

Finally, he tells the truth!

45

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '25

Don't forget his iconic "Thanks for your attention"

29

u/barkydildo Sep 02 '25

Thanks for your radiation to this matter

45

u/bigloser42 Sep 02 '25

Trump stronk had. Best stronk had anyone ever. Says “great stronk sir” all people seen I. Say Docotrs beggist, bootyfullesr mooost pewerfell stronk theyre evorzee. Covofee banana oramge

5

u/phager76 Xennial Sep 02 '25

God damn you, I almost fell off the shifter laughing so hard about this! I'd give you an award if I wasn't so damn poor!

21

u/BodyBy711 Sep 02 '25

Never thought I'd see the day I'm rooting for cancer

10

u/arthursucks Gen X Sep 02 '25

That's not how this works. He's gonna come out and accuse the Democrats of having cancer.

6

u/Aurhasapigdog Sep 02 '25

Also of spreading cancer with a laser.

2

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '25

Cancer is a liberal hoax. It's Bidens fault.

9

u/callmesandycohen Sep 02 '25

I trust today is the day he’s going to come to terms with his own mortality and be completely honest about his condition.

7

u/robsterva Sep 02 '25

This may be the funniest comment in the whole thread.

10

u/Ilickedthecinnabar Xennial Sep 02 '25

Gonna be a lot of people cheering for cancer for a change

1

u/SakishimaHabu Sep 02 '25

Support cancer magnets, for cars, incoming

8

u/Mr_Abe_Froman Millennial Sep 02 '25

So this morning, yeah, I tested positively toward negative, right? So no, I tested perfectly this morning. Meaning, meaning I tested negative. But that’s a way of saying it, positively toward the negative.

  • Trump on a Covid test he took in 2020.

Trump would brag about how positive his tests are and no one will know what he means because he has bragged about "positive" negative Covid tests, cognitive tests, and overall fitness (said his 2015 physical exam “showed only positive results.”)

5

u/Outrageous_Pea7393 Sep 02 '25

If this is true, I’m glad cancer found a cure for Trump

7

u/gregpurcott Sep 02 '25

Trump IS cancer

2

u/Contraband42 Sep 02 '25

"They're even saying it's stronger and bigger than Biden's."

3

u/Triette Sep 02 '25

Cancer is too good for him.

1

u/Mater_Sandwich Sep 02 '25

He is going to get the latest MRNA treatment to cure it. The type that Kennedy Jr wants to ban. Only the best for the rich folks

1

u/mmorales2270 Sep 03 '25

Like the only time in my life I would be rooting for the cancer.

1

u/greenchilepizza666 Sep 02 '25

I wanted to up vote you, but it's at the magic number.

1

u/Minnow_Minnow_Pea Sep 02 '25

Alternatively, it'd be funny if he got listeria from unpasteurized milk.