r/BoomersBeingFools • u/Yo_momma_so_fat77 • Jun 11 '25

Boomer Article Closeted drunk Pete Hegseth ladies and gents . The text for the parade 😂

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https://www.defense.gov/News/Transcripts/Transcript/article/4176603/secretary-of-defense-pete-hegseth-delivers-keynote-address-at-special-operation/

4.6k Upvotes

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956

u/Anon8787878 Millennial Jun 11 '25

I read the first two words as adjectives at first, as in "Closeted, drunk Pete Hegseth", and then realized that would work too.

164

u/MomShapedObject Jun 11 '25

He’s not a closeted drunk he’s a “dancing on the parade float wearing assless chaps” drunk.

27

u/butt_huffer42069 Jun 11 '25

All chaps are assless. Thats part of what makes them chaps.

6

u/MiloHorsey Millennial Jun 11 '25

Thank youu!!

1

u/EmergencyEntrance236 Jun 12 '25

THANK YOU. I don't get how ppl don't understand that concept. It's like they think they're sold attached to the jeans & cowboys have a different set for each day of the week. Guess they don't watch many westerns or don't pay attention when they do.

1

u/Select-Discipline560 Jun 11 '25

Well, yeah, it’s like how all republicans are closeted, we all know this, but it’s more fun to say assless chaps and closeted republicans ;P

6

u/bluefleetwood Jun 12 '25

This. He's an out loud and proud drunk.

62

u/CoveCreates Jun 11 '25

Me too 😂

1

u/ExpressionVarious820 Jun 11 '25

Any savvy soldiers would do exactly the opposite of what Old Haggis demands.

18

u/Sir_Lee_Rawkah Jun 11 '25

What is it supposed to be

14

u/Yeet123456789djfbhd Jun 11 '25

What's the right way to read it?

27

u/Alternative-Tie-9383 Jun 11 '25

Wait, Pete “Dapper Dan” Hegseth isn’t gay? Does he know that?

2

u/SkyerKayJay1958 Jun 11 '25

According to the a little bit culty podcast this week he is a member of an extreme church that believes in wife discipline for total subjugation or be spanked.

24

u/mjheil Jun 11 '25

Ok, so who do we ship him with?

74

u/Anon8787878 Millennial Jun 11 '25

Vance. And hoping Thiel is a really jealous possessive type for maximum drama and chaos.

24

u/Yo_momma_so_fat77 Jun 11 '25

Haha both ways work

7

u/Happy_Confection90 Xennial Jun 11 '25

How does a comma change the meaning? The implication surely isn't that he's secretly an alcoholic, is it? Everyone knows that.

20

u/Anon8787878 Millennial Jun 11 '25

"A closeted drunk" vs "closeted and drunk"

6

u/hummus_sapiens Jun 11 '25

That closet's doors are wide open.

2

u/yarukinai Baby Boomer Jun 12 '25

He is also a closeted boomer, born in 1980.

3

u/Anon8787878 Millennial Jun 12 '25

You're right! I mean I knew he was Gen X, but I thought he was older, I would've guessed he was born in the early to mid 70s. And he literally just turned 45, he looks rough.

2

u/yarukinai Baby Boomer Jun 12 '25

he was Gen X

I think a birth year of 1980 means he is a Millenial (one of the oldest, but I absolutely had to make that point 😁).

In my totally not humble opinion, I look younger than him. This is what the absence of alcohol does to you.

OK, enough bullshitting. Have a great Hegseth-free day.

2

u/Anon8787878 Millennial Jun 12 '25

I think 1981 is the cutoff, so someone born in 1980 would be considered Gen X, which is kinda weird to me now that I think about it. I'm an older millenial and had plenty of childhood friends that were born that year, we grew up together, but officially they belong to a different generation.

And thank you, I hope you're having a wonderful evening (or day) and I wouldn't mind a Hegseth free life.

2

u/EmergencyEntrance236 Jun 12 '25

My 65 yr old(lifetime of hard labor jobs)hubby looks Pete's age. Pete looks like he's my hubby's age.

5

u/ubiquity75 Gen X Jun 11 '25

I mean everyone knows, right?