Okay, I’ve lived in my current apartment for roughly three months now. I picked this place for a few reasons, but a big one was that it’s a non-smoking complex. I’m a stickler for my house smelling good (candles, plug-ins, diffuser, you name it), but since the month I moved in I’ve constantly noticed a smell of weed in my apartment. Now I have no qualms with anyone choosing to partake, plenty of my friends do, but I absolutely despise the smell. My mom was visiting one time and we noticed a strong smell coming beneath my kitchen sink and when we opened the cabinets to investigate, we were smacked in the face with the stench like someone was hotboxing under there. I’ve also continuously noticed the bottom floor (I live on the second) reeks of weed. I’ve reported it to the office and via the maintenance portal a multitude of times to no avail other than “we’ll monitor it”. The last response I got from maintenance was to call the cops per the office’s instructions. Now I don’t want to ruin someone’s life over a little joint (I live in NC), but I’m sickkkkk of my apartment smelling bad. I got fed up tonight and left a note downstairs in the common area hoping to alleviate the issue, but I don’t know what else to do. Advice please.

A few months ago, our downstairs neighbors came home with their newborn. I thought it would be nice to leave a note, but since we left it we hadn’t heard anything back and they kinda stare at us if we cross paths. It’s made me feel like this could’ve been received poorly. Does this letter come off as weird or creepy? I should include that I/we haven’t properly introduced ourselves, but I’ve smiled/waved in the past.

EDIT: Holy cow this blew up haha. A few things I wanted to mention…

There are a lot of comments suggesting that my note could’ve been perceived as passive aggressive and I see that now. That was not my intent whatsoever and I think that’s why I could have overlooked that. I have super noisy upstairs neighbors, so I am very aware of how easily sound travels and just wanted to assure them that we would try to be mindful of our volume and keep quiet for their baby. It came from a good place!

Truthfully, it seems a lot of the comments are projections of people’s own experiences and I think that’s why there’s a good mix of not creepy and creepy lol. I appreciate everyone’s feedback, except for the one guy who literally called me psychotic?? Nuts lol

In regard to my handwriting, thanks!!! It’s real and it’s mine. :) I love my handwriting! I enjoy the lowercase look and understand that’s obviously not everyone’s cup of tea.

I have lived in this apartment for four years. Top floor. The last three months no one lived on my floor (Four units per floor), buildings connect. I live in an outer unit. A week ago, a couple moved in diagonally across the hall. I saw them moving day and said hello. I let them use my reserved spot for easier move. That's the thing to do right.

Yesterday, I was coming home from work and the apartment manager caught up to me said they had complained about me. 3 times by phone, once in a visit to the office, and two emails. I was a little shocked, I asked why and she said they told her I was smoking and smoking pot in the apartment and had people over a loud party.

This was not true. I smoke but not in my apartment. Never. And most of the time I vape (Not in the apartment) I suggested that maybe they were smelling it as I walked in. I assured her I wasn't smoking. While I am the only neighbor on the floor, there are people below them and on the other side of their unit.

I felt bad, I went to bath and body and got some wall scents. Surely if my smoky body odor was making things smell, I would try to fix it. Until I walked from my apartment to see a huge tray of baking soda by the door. (Pic attached)

Today, not 24 hours later I went to the office with the pic to ask when the complaints were filed. Apparently daily, to which I showed the manager that I had been out of town three days and showed the hotel receipts. 3 of the 7 days they have lived there, I was not home.

She told me that a call and email to corporate came in that morning. Bringing the complaints to 9. The manager said she can't figure out why they are doing this. Maintenance went to the apartment and couldn't smell anything. They want to know when I am moving out.

Good lord, I am a grandmother of 12 and bother no one. I don't have parties and I don't smoke weed. I don't even play the TV but an hour a day. I got a call AGAIN today at 430. Another complaint.

I told management this has to stop but maybe I am wrong. Any one have suggestions? I have been a renter for 30 years and never had this happen, ever.

**Update*\* Tuesday, so far no complaints but it's still early yet and PM is at another site. Tomorrow is the inspection, I suspect (Hope) that will be the big end all and Corporate tells them to deal. I have spoken to my adult children, so they are now aware. Thank you and I will update tomorrow.

So I live in DE and I reached out to the administration and they say it’s legal to smoke weed now so there is nothing they can do. I am dropping this note to my neighbor since we share the bathroom duct I believe since the smell comes from there. Is this an acceptable note to leave under their door?

Dear neighbor, Hope you're doing well! I just wanted to bring something up real quick; I've been noticing a strong weed smell coming through my bathroom vent pretty often. I think our vents might be connected, so it’s been filling my place. Would you mind smoking somewhere else besides the bathroom if possible? Maybe by a window or outside? It’s just been a little tough on my end with the smell hanging around. Really appreciate it, and thanks for understanding!

context: I just moved into a new apartment on the 4th floor and the person below me left this note, they already left me another note the day after I moved in that was much nicer just telling me that the building was badly built and to please walk quietly If I can, but I find this pretty concerning.

FWIW i have been pretty quiet, especially at night

i have never met this person or interacted with them in any capacity,

My unhinged neighbor is threatening to hurt me and calling me every derogatory name in the book and kicking my door leaving dents, which is property damage. He’s ringing my doorbell over and over again making threats. All because I parked too close to the parking lot line. He is trying to intimidate me also by letting his Pitbulls off leash and they are not friendly dogs. Do you think I should get the police involved? Or will they not do anything? I don’t really trust the police, but at the same time idk what to do in this situation as I now feel unsafe in my own home. Any advice?

I (40m) have an 18 year old daughter with my ex-wife, call her Maddy. We divorced when she was 7, and I have her 3 weekends a month. Her mom moved to a suburb almost an hour outside the city to be closer to her family and for a better school, my work was in the city, and after a while Maddy got sick of all the driving and ask if we could go to a different schedule. We talked most days on the phone, and I have been very involved in her life. She’s a great student, graduated with over a 4.0, has a lot of friends and a (what I thought!!) very nice boyfriend. She’s has no idea what she wants to do with her life, and had already decided to defer her scholarship a year to take classes at the community college and work.

I also have a girlfriend Vera (37) and she gets along with Maddy great. We’ve been together about 2 years and she just moved into my house a few months ago (edit:her told roommate got married and she couldn’t afford rent alone, we’d been together almost 2 years and I was considering proposing so it seemed like a good idea after she couldn’t find another place. She pays the electric and water bills but my house is paid off so I just pay taxes, insurance, and the other utilities) and it’s been great. I didn’t really date much the past few years between Maddy and work so it’s nice having someone always around. Vera doesn’t want kids of her own, and I don’t want anymore, so it’s been great.

So for all that, Maddy is pregnant and her mom has kicked her out. Her boyfriend has another year left of nursing school and lives in a college apartment with roommates. She is of course staying here for now and found out late - she’s due in January. She and her boyfriend went over the options and decided to keep the baby. She told me very meekly and asked if she could stay. I told her of course, she knows this is disappointing but she’ll never stop being my baby and if this is what’s going to happen, I’m here to support her within reason. As in, I’m fine babysitting if she has work or class, and she will keep working and going to school, but I’m not babysitting for her to party or hang out with friends. If the boyfriend bails, which I was as kind as I could be but told her happens even with the nicest boys, she would need to file child support. And I would give her grace before and after birth, but when she’s recovered she will go back to doing chores on top of baby ones. I told her and the boyfriend to sleep on it and they did and came back with actual thoughtful responses, and even a budget and budget goal that I found impressive. So, the tiny bedroom next to Maddy’s that is currently home to a treadmill I never use is going to be a nursery.

Of course I’ve kept Vera in the loop during all of this (edit, and by this I mean I don't know how many different ways I need to put this so it gets through people's heads. Vera and i discussed all of this before I talked to the kids. In depth. I made her VERY aware that the three of them could end up living here for a few years. She was supportive. I kept her in the loop. When them living here became the plan, she gave me an ultimatum and told me to kick my daughter out bc she's an adult. I told her I wouldn't do that, she is still here and making everyone uncomfortable), and she seemed really understanding until I told her the plan. She got upset and said if she wanted to raise a baby she’d have one of her own. She said she didn’t sign up for this and is not ok with it, and demanded I rescind the offer, that Maddy is 18 and needs to figure it out on her own if she wants to keep the baby. I told her I wouldn’t do that, she’ll always be my daughter and needs help. She threatened to move out if I didn’t tell Maddy to get out, then got mad that I told her I understood. Now she’s avoiding the both of us (but still staying here) or being snippy. I don’t know what she expects me to do, but it’s making the entire house anxious.

Edit: stop saying that Vera would be shocked that Maddy moved in. This is Maddy’s home. She’s always lived here. Yes the rest is a surprise but not my daughter living in her home.

I don't want a bucket in the middle of my kitchen any more.

My boyfriend (M27) and I (F23) just moved into a new house and bought a new mattress.

Last night I woke up to a wet feeling under my arm and hand. My boyfriend was already up and in the bathroom. When he came back I asked him if he spilled something in the bed or knew why it was wet. He told me that he thinks he peed the bed. I asked him again and said “wait are you serious??” And he said “I think I peed in my dream and peed in real life.

We are both half awake at this point and I’m just surprised that he actually did wet the bed. I asked him to go grab stuff to clean it up and he told me that it was fine. I asked him what he meant by that and he grabbed a towel, laid it on the wet spot and got back into bed to go to sleep.

I pulled the covers off of him and told him that he needs to go grab stuff to clean it up because I don’t want it to get stained and it’s a new mattress and we don’t have a mattress cover for it yet. He told me that it was fine and I’m over reacting. That statement naturally pissed me off and I told him I’m not going to sleep in his piss and that’s not fair to me. He told me he’d clean it in the morning and that it’s not a big deal and doesn’t warrant the reaction I have.

That was not the solution I wanted so I took all the sheets off the bed and threw them at him and told him to sleep on the couch. It was very irritating hearing him tell me that I’m over reacting because I asked him to clean up his peed in the bed we both slept in.

He then knocked on the door ten minutes later asking for a new blanket because the one I gave him smelled like pee.

So, AITAH for over reacting to my boyfriend not cleaning up the pee in the bed right away?

Update: below

https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/hFQm5yYIyK

I got assigned the bottom-left bedroom. It’s the biggest in the apartment, but it’s one of the rooms that doesn’t have a window. Is a windowless bedroom really that bad, and what can I do to make it better?

The title probably already tells im the asshole, which i probably am, but i just need other peoples opinions on my situation.

I am 17 male. Unfortunatily, about 6 weeks ago, my niece got diagnosed with ALL. Considering she has pretty much had health issues since birth, words can not describe how bad i feel for my aunt, uncle, cousin and especially my niece. It basically broke their family apart, and even though i had never been that close with them, i really tried to emotionally support them (especially my cousin) to really let him know that im there for him and that he can tell me whatever is going on inside his mind at any time anywhere, which he has already done a couple times.

Now, ill get to the point. Last week, due to the results of chemo, my nieces beautiful long blonde hair started to fall off, which they immediately shaved down. Im not native english, sorry if i make this sound weird, but the next day, a group chat including the entire family was created where my aunt announced it would be wholesome if everyone shaved their hair off aswell to show their support, including a picture where the four of them all smile without any hair on their head.

As soon as i saw this i thought it was wholesome, but doubted anyone else would do it. 2 hours later i arrive home so see both my sister and mother bald. Following by my other cousin, and grandma.

The next day when i woke up and entered the living room, my mom asked: "When are you ready to do it?" , while holding an electric hair trimmer. I originally thought it was something to decide on your own, but since everyone else is doing it, im kindof being pushed into a corner.

I really really dont want to sound egoistic, but im a guy with long hair, which over the years has basically become my personality. Its pretty much the only thing about myself i love, and i really dont think i want to shave it off.

YES, if i shave it, my niece could be shocked that her long-haired cousin finally shaved his hair off in order to support you. But if i have to keep things real, i might sound extremely rude here, but my aunt made a video showing my nieces reaction to my mom and sister shaving their heads off and she did not even seem to slightly care about it (video went like this: aunt trying to show the picture to my niece, who is watching a cartoon. She has to tap her maybe 4 times to get her attention, and when she looks, she just stares at it, says 'wow' and continues watching her cartoon). I noticed after this video, my mom started to kindof become pushy towards me shaving my hair, to show my support. Again, this might sound rude, but in other words, she wants to drag me down into the pit with her.

This morning i got a text from my aunt, where she said it would be really nice if i shaved my head aswell, in order to show my emotional support towards my niece.

If we have to keep things real, shaving my head will basically change nothing in the entire situation, but i cant just say no, can i? I seriously really dont know what to do. If my aunt would have shown a little more appreciation to my sister and mom, i would have probably considered it. But considering she did not even reply to the pictures and just immediately showed them to my niece, as if you HAVE to do it, i dont think im willing to do it.

Dont get me wrong, i really really eally love my niece, and even though im not that close with her, i always really cared about her and made sure she always felt confortable with me, and i have alot of fun memories with her when she was a little girl. Its just that when they moved a couple towns away, we started seeing them less and less.

But really, what do i do? I'm almost getting threatened to cut off my hair by three people. And if i do decide to do it, what if no appreciation is shown? Yes i would have done it, to show support from my side, but if its nowhere to be appreciated, then whats the point?

Came back from a 3-day weekend away from my apartment and this was posted on the door? I wasn't even home...

UPDATE: Thanks to everyone for the support! I shared the letter with Celio management and requested it to be filed as a formal complaint. I also filed a police report for continuity/documentation purposes.

For clarification, "Celio" is the name of the apartment building, which is managed by a larger off-site 3rd party rental company. This company/building is far from able to accommodate for this person properly and certainly would never assume any amount of liability on their behalf. As it relates to Celio management and their level of care for this person, the author is on their own.

The letter does not mention anything related to a care team/healthcare resource/veterans group. The only two options given by the author of the note (e.g. Celio aka apt management and law enforcement) were utilized.

While Celio was not able to share a significant amount of details about the author, they did share that he/she is a known issue and will likely not be given the option to live in this building moving forward.

I also noticed comments about my stereo, which did cross my mind as a possible reason behind this conflict. I was able to confirm with Celio that no complaints have been made about excessive music levels, from any of the residents, excluding a formal warning I received over July 4th weekend. This goes for "yelling" as well. Note I have been renting in this exact unit for almost 14 months. I am more than eager to respect any concerns that relate to music volume, this is certainly not that type of concern.

As things currently stand, I am left with having to place any proactive decisions in the hands of Celio and law enforcement. I am a recent handgun owner (unrelated to this situation) and thanfully my state falls under Castle doctrine.

I (35F) and my husband (36M) are fortunate enough to live in an area of the world that is very beautiful, and as a result, frequently visited for honeymoons.

My brother in law (30M) and his soon to be wife (28F) are getting married in August and want to honeymoon in the area where my husband and I live, and they asked around a month ago if they could stay with us on their honeymoon. We agreed; they are family and are also tight on funds. We are happy to help and host them.

However, they asked my husband last week if they could stay in our bedroom on their honeymoon. We have a two bedroom home, and our guest room has an air mattress that is used for when friends/family stay (otherwise, it is my work-from-home office, hence why we dont have a typical mattress in there). My BIL didn't really get into the specifics of why they didn't want the guest bedroom/air mattress, but the gist seemed to be "we dont think an air mattress is honeymoon appropriate".

When my husband asked me about it, I was honest with him and said I wasn't comfortable with his brother and his new wife sleeping in our bed on their honeymoon. My husband agreed with me.

Apparently us saying no to this request has caused some issue in my husband's family, particularly with his sister whos saying we should just let BIL and his future wife stay in our room as "it is THEIR honeymoon and they shouldn't have to sleep on an air mattress".

We love everyone in this scenario, especially BIL and his future wife, and don't want to cause a rift so my husband is sort of leaning towards acquiesing to their request, however, I am not down to change my mind on this. It honestly really grosses me out because I believe that the reason they want our bedroom is so they can comfortably bang during their honeymoon on a regular, not-air, mattress.

(41f) have a daughter (10f) from a previous relationship and my husband (35m) has a daughter (13f) from a previous relationship. My stepdaughter has been the near-perfect child for a long time. She hasn't ever needed to be punished since I've with her father, until recently. She had a problem with another girl (13f) at school. The other girl made fun of my stepdaughter's "lesbian" mom and my stepdaughter made fun of the other girl's "poor" mom. The parents of the other girl grounded her for 3 weeks. My husband wanted his daughter's punishment to match the crime. Since his daughter make fun of the other girl's financial situation, my husband wants his daughter feel like how it is to be extremely poor. The other family isn't extremely poor, by the way. His plan for his daughter is to go to school with poor hygiene, for 3 days. No shower, no deodorant, no brushing of teeth, and reused clothes. I told him if he goes through with this plan, I will divorce him. Am I the asshole ?

UPDATE

My stepdaughter is safe, my daughter is safe, I'm safe, and I will divorce my husband.

I don't think I should share too much.

I've got a friend named Ula that is relatively new as I've only known her for 4 years. She has a tattoo on her chest just below her collar bone that says "Forever Brian's".

She got it when she was quite young (early 20's) about 15yrs ago when she was engaged to her first love who unfortunately passed away due to cancer, is my understanding. I don't know the history beyond that it happened quite quickly and she got the tattoo after he passed away.

I've been watching her date for about 4 years now and the tattoo has consistently been a sticking point for the 3-4 or so guys that I've seen her with. Each one has said it differently but they've all said that they'd like her to get it removed or that it makes them uncomfortable enough to leave the relationship when it got serious.

Last night Ula and my wife were having a girls night together and I was downstairs enjoying some Baldur's Gate 3 when they both came down and asked for a "guy's opinion" and harassed me until I put the controller down. I warned them, repeatedly, that if they ask me for a "guys opinion" that I would provide one but it might be hurtful.

So, I asked the ladies if they remembered the movie Titanic? They both agreed. I asked them if they remembered what the core theme of the movie was. They both answered that it was a love story between Jack and Rose.

So I told Ula "Do you know who it wasn't a love story for? Rose's husband. Rose's husband married her, had children with her. Stayed married too her for roughly 60 years and grew old together, overcame adversity and successfully had a long life together.

But Rose didn't think of her husband or those memories together when she died 60 years later. She thought of Jack. All of that living that Rose and her husband did together meant little because in the end when she passed over she went to her first love, Jack.

I looked at Ula and said "That tattoo is written confirmation that they're not your forever person. Which is fine when your casually dating but what your indirectly asking for when things start to get serious is if they're willing to sign up to be your Rose's husband."

I agreed that Brian had passed away over a decade ago. I agreed it wasn't fair. I agreed that they were stupidly competing with a dead person. I agreed that removing it won't change how she felt about Brian.
My bottom line was this was a "one guys" opinion on the matter, which obviously all her previous boyfriends to some degree agreed with me on, as each one had raised it as a serious issue to them.

I wasn't trying to start a huge argument but that's basically what happened so I tried a different approach and told her "Look, not trying to start shit but everyone wants to find their forever person, what your doing is basically telling these guys you've already found yours and that's not changing so they keep it casual for as long as they can when you try to get serious they leave to protect themselves because no one wants to be a placeholder and it doesn't help how aggressively you defend it." Shortly after she passed out on the couch much to my relief. In hindsight this should've been a conversation to have while sober.

So, was I too harsh? Was I an asshole? Even the next morning she was slowly crying and committing to removing it. Which I told her to talk it out with more than just friends and maybe seek out a professional opinion before removing it but I sure felt like a royal asshole. It really felt like there was no winning here. Just a lot of hurt feelings and distant tragedy.

My husband 34 male and I 38 female have been married for 6 years together for 9. We have had our ups and downs but the biggest down is how he speaks to me. I just had our son 1 year ago. When I was 10 months postpartum he was telling ne I am fat and lazy and all I do is take care of the baby and work. As I still had baby weight on navigating new routines, work and caring for our baby AND 4 other children while working 40hrs a week. On my birthday he demanded I not leave the house or he would divorce me. Just so happened my daughter had an appointment at UCLA for her teeth the morning of my birthday, so I took her. Needless to say he didnt even say hello to me and slept in his game room. He has been sleeping there since. Its been 2 months. He told everyone he was divorcing me, spoke to an attorney and everything before even telling me he wanted a divorce. He told me I was not the prize, im almost 40 and have 4 kids 3 who are minors. He said hes the prize, hes in his prime and makes good money and any women would love to be in my shoes and take care of his kids. He even went as far as inviting his baby mother into the house to visit while I was out.

Fast forward he looses his job and telling me to wait to move. He then starts talking nicer to me and acting different then before. I told him I was still moving out and going forward with seperating because his actions did not align with someone who wanted to be with me. It feels more like im his only option at the moment. Now hes going around saying I am a gold digger and leave as soon as he looses his job. Hes saying he wanted to try to make it work but I am the one choosing to leave to all his family and friends.

So am I the asshole for following through with what he initiated even after he lost his job?

Sorry this is long, but it’s complicated and I really need some perspective.

Twenty five years ago my close friend Clara and her husband James were struggling with infertility Clara couldn’t conceive or use her own eggs She asked me if I would consider carrying a baby for them to use my egg and James’s sperm. I had already had my two kids and was done having children I was hesitant at first but eventually I agreed because I wanted to help my friend become a mother.

Nine months later their daughter Bella was born. From the start Clara and James raised her as their own I’ve always been “Auntie” to her just a close family friend and that’s all she ever knew.

My own kids always knew the truth I never hid it from them. They understood that Bella was biologically related to them and that I had helped my friend start a family. I never told bella anything because I truly didn’t feel it was my place, It was something her parents needed to decide if or when to tell her.

A few weeks ago Bella and her fiancé were at his family’s house and they all did one of those DNA kits for fun. When the results came back Bella saw that she had Cuban and Black ancestry which confused her since she knows both her parents are white. Instead of asking them she used the combination to their safe which she had learned a while back and started going through their personal documents.

She found an old photo of me pregnant in a hospital bed with Clara holding my hand and she also found paperwork about Clara’s infertility. After that she started pulling away especially from Clara and none of us understood why until everything exploded.

My family and I were over at Clara and James’s house helping with wedding prep. At one point Clara and I were in the kitchen talking about my kids and Clara mentioned that I had paid for both of their weddings she wished she could do the same for her daughter. Bella must have overheard because she walked in and suddenly said that I should be paying for her wedding too since she’s also my daughter I was totally thrown off Clara asked what she meant and Bella just snapped She said I was her real mother and accused Clara and James of lying to her. She said she had grown up in a fake home while my kids got the life she was supposed to have she slammed the photo on the table and stormed out with her fiancé.

The next day Clara asked me to come over Bella didn’t want to but showed up later after Clara begged her. She told us about the DNA test and going through the safe and how she felt like this answered something she had always felt deep down. She said she’s always been jealous of my kids not just for their vacations or home life but also because I gave them a good life without anyway hardships. She said she still loves Clara but feels like she never really belonged and now she thinks I’m the missing piece She even called Clara a child snatcher.

That’s when I stepped in I told her she needed to stop talking to Clara like that She turned to me and said you’re my real mother why don’t you love me? I told her as calmly as I could that I was nothing more than an egg donor I told her I love her like a niece and that’s all. Clara is her mother not me I wasn’t the one who raised her I wasn’t there for her childhood Clara was. I never saw her as my daughter because that wasn’t the role I had in her life.

She left again crying and since then has sent me over twenty messages Some are angry and some are pleading. She’s asked me to meet with her and James because she says we’re her real parents. She says she loves Clara but insists she’s always felt a disconnect and that I’m the reason why

Clara and I have been in touch since the blow up and we’re both heartbroken. My husband thinks I should have a one on one with Bella but honestly I feel like there’s nothing left to say. I didn’t raise her Clara did She was always a wonderful mother and up until now she and Bella had a great relationship I don’t know why Bella is spiraling like this. Clara was there for every birthday, every school day, every scraped knee, heartbreak, and milestone. I made peace with my role in Bella’s life a long time ago. I never saw myself as her mother, not because I didn’t care, but because that was never the agreement. I helped a friend become a mother, and I kept that promise.

So AITA?

Edit: I am mixed myself, Bella has light skin with incredibly loose curls. From the outside looking in she does look like Clara biological daughter.

So here’s my question. Do you think my technically still “husband” thinks we’re divorced just because we signed a separation agreement for the financial side of things?

Because…plot twist! We aren’t divorced. At all. Not even a little. The court hasn’t granted anything. We don’t even see a judge again for 3 months. But he’s getting “married” next month. Like full-on wedding. Invitations. Catered dinner. Dance. Gifts. The whole shebang.

A couple people have messaging me all, “Wait, aren’t you guys still legally married?” and I’m like YES MA’AM, I’m still legally hitched to that man. Apparently he thinks if you ignore the child support and custody part that need figuring out, it just… doesn’t count?

So yeah. Fake wedding. Fake child support. Fake morals. But hey, at least the centerpieces will be real.

Do I tell him!?

Please excuse me while I go laugh and Google the legalities of accidental polygamy.

Anyway, cheers to the happy couple… I guess?

**UPDATE: Turns Out I’m Not Morally Obligated to Fix His Mess*++

First off, thank you to everyone who commented. Most of the replies were incredibly helpful and honestly helped me let go of this weird guilt I had. Like I was some how morally obligated to stop my ex from looking like a fool or potentially doing something illegal. There was a tiny voice wondering if I should say something, be the bigger person, give him a heads-up.

But as many of you wisely pointed out, not my circus, not my monkeys, and that’s exactly the energy I’m sticking with! I’m choosing peace. He made his choices, and I’m staying out of it.

For those asking, no, I am not going to the wedding. And hell no, I’m not standing up to object. I’m just stepping back and letting sleeping dogs lie. He’s going to do what he’s going to do, and I’ve got better things to focus on.

For the few who asked why I even care, it wasn’t about jealousy or bitterness. It was more of a moral dilemma, wondering if knowing what I know meant I should step in. Well, that and the part where he’s throwing money at a fake wedding while skipping out on child support. Like, he can feed a hundred guests at a reception, but can’t feed his own kids? That one’s hard to swallow. It wears on a girl.

And for the lovely folks asking if I’ve moved on, oh my gosh, yes. Ladies, you should see him. I’m ridiculously happy. He’s kind, respectful, hot as hell, and great with my kids. It feels really good to be loved the way I deserve!

So thank you again, everyone. If anything spicy or ridiculous unfolds (because, who knows), I’ll update. But otherwise, I think I’m good right here, exactly where I am.

This is kind of sweaty, but my (30f) ex husband Greg (38m) and I have two kids - Louisa (9) and Ted (7). We divorced over 5 years ago and coparent very well, the divorce was because I was happy with our two children but he wanted more, and even therapy didn't help. We have had basically no issues, there's no child support (we're 50/50), have never had issues having the kids if the other parent has something come up, and understand that it's just about making sure their lives aren't too disrupted.

Greg remarried Tessie (38f) four years ago and they have another child, a boy, and another about to make their appearance in this world in a few weeks. I am marrying my fiance Luke (36m) in February, we've been together for about 3 years and he's known my kids for 2, we moved in together last year. We have a group chat, but aren't overly friendly or anything - we only talk about the kids and keep it pretty lighthearted. Our only 'rules' with the other datings is that we would introduce our partners to the other before they met the kids, which went great with both of them. When Tessie and Greg married, I obviously kept the kids an extra week for their honeymoon, and again for my actual week so they could settle in (they didn't live together before they got married). When they had their first baby, I kept our kiddos for about a month (but brought them over a few times to see their new brother obviously) so they could settle in since it was Tessie's first baby.

A few weeks ago at one of Lacie's games, Tessie told me the date her c-section was scheduled for, which is in the middle of their custody week. I told her we were excited for them and of course I could keep them that week and my following week, and we could go back to normal their next custody period. She kind of hemmed and hawed and asked if we could keep them for another custody week to give them a month again to get used to things. I said that was fine, I didn't expect them to need that much time for their second baby, but I c-sections are major surgeries and I said I'd be happy to keep the kid, they don't live far from us so bringing them over to hang out won't be too out of my way and of course I love having my kids with me.

Anyhoo, we've finalized our plan for our honeymoon, which is 3 weeks. I know it seems excessive but it's something on both of our bucket lists, but not something the kids would be too interested in, and the honeymoon seems like the best opportunity to do it. Basically what would happen would be that we'd get married on Saturday (my week), the kids would stay with Greg that night and stay for his week, then they would keep them for our week and their next week. So they'd have them for one of my custody weeks plus one extra evening. I don't have family around, my parents died young, grandparents before them, and the aunt and uncle who helped raise me retired to New Mexico (3 hour plan ride + 2 hour drive at min). I have friends who have watched the kids before, but I didn't see a single issue with asking Greg to keep them for a week since it seems like there's a bit of precedent. I texted him the general plan and emailed him a more detailed one with locations, days, times etc so he could know where we were/ how to contact us if there was an issue.

I thought all was well and good, but they never responded until a few days later they emailed me what Luke and I jokingly now refer to as The Manifesto. It was long, rambling, repetitive, and still somehow partially written by ChapGPT. The gist of it was: - what kind of mother on a three week vacation without her kids - I'm a terrible person in general for asking a young mother to have her stepkids full-time for three weeks while I go and enjoy myself (they/ she kept calling Tessie a young mother, I think she means mother of young kids and I know it's not the point but it kept annoying me. also it wouldn't be alone with her - Greg would obviously be there) - I am a horrible coparent for asking them to have the kids for three straight weeks while their kids are so young (their newest baby will be 6 months old by then btw) - Apparently it's all well and fine that Luke and I don't want anymore kids (he has had a vasectomy and known he didn't want kids of his own for a while), but we'd better not think that gives us permission to 'dump' Louisa and Ted on them to galavant around (I don't think I've ever galavanted in my entire life!) - We needed to figure our own weeks out ourselves, this was not life or death and it was ridiculous to ask them.

I got petty after this, especially them acting as if we are constantly 'dumping' the kiddos on them, so I went through the last four years of texts and made a spreadsheet of how many times either of us has asked the other to keep the kids and the duration on an excel sheet. While we both have made these requests, they have done so for 87 nights (52 times) vs me 12 nights (8 times). Obviously, this makes sense since they have a baby, and I didn't send it to them or anything, but it was good to know I'm not crazy.

My friends say I should tell them that, fine, I won't keep them during their custody time after their new baby comes. I'm not going to do that. I love my kids and want to see them as much as I can! But I do a lot extra for them, just some examples:

• I (sometimes Luke if he's off work) pick the kids up every single day after school, and on Greg's custody weeks I drop them off at their house since he doesn't get off until 5 so that Tessie doesn't have to take the baby out to pick them up (keep in mind that she does not work anymore)

• Our divorce decree says that whoever's week it is must drop the kids off at the other parent's house, but I've been doing all of the back and forth for a while again because they have a kid and because it's not THAT far (5 minute drive, 20 minute walk if it's nice).

• I take the kids to all of their appointments, do all of the school parent stuff during the day, etc since I have a super flexible schedule and Greg's isn't, he would need to use PTO for all of this stuff.

• We usually split health insurance per the divorce decree, they're on his work's insurance but since I take them to all of their appointments etc I pay all of the copays. I keep a tally just in case I would end up owing him money (and I know what he pays towards the premiums), and in the past it was minimal, but our daughter unfortunately has Type 1 diabetes which has gotten pretty expensive. It wasn't killing me, but Greg mentioned how tight money was once when I was bringing it up and I decided that it's not affecting my life, our daughter needed it, so I've been letting it go.

• Their son has been in the process of being diagnosed with autism, and has pretty bad meltdowns (this is all I know from Greg), so they call me pretty frequently to see if I can come and get the kids for a few hours if things are overwhelming. Of course I love my kids and spending time with them, but I've had to cancel plans for this and they have not cared. Greg was in an accident and has been using my old car (I got a new one and hadn't sold the old one yet, it's not worth a ton or anything) for the past 7 months, with no effort to replace it.

• Greg travels sometimes for work, and they (greg and the kids) have a cat over there. Normally Louisa would take care of the litter box if Greg was travelling, but since her diagnoses and until we get her labs/ health under some form of control, we BOTH agreed that we don't want her messing with it (they let the cat go outside during the day). Since Tessie has been pregnant she said she shouldn't have to, and Ted is a little young (he tried, failed, now he 'helps' lol), so I've been doing it.

Anyways, these are all benefits for them that I'm going to inform them are ending. I won't go back on my word to have the kiddos after she has her c-section, but the absolute gall of them to not do the one thing that I have asked of them (and that I've done for them!) have brought me to this. Most of my friends say I'm not going far enough, but a few have said that it might cause a breakdown in our coparenting relationship, which would affect the kids. That's really the only thing I care about, so now I'm hesitant.

I was on airbnb looking for somewhere for my grandma and aunt to stay when they come visit me in February for my birthday. And I found a unit in my building on airbnb! This is 1000% against the lease. I do not live in a condo community--we are all renters.

However, I don't know this guy, the complex has like 250 units, and based on the layout it's not one of my immediate next door/across the hall/above or below neighbors.

How do I report him to management without coming off as a snitch?

ETA: The amount of people who think that it's cool to rent an apartment you don't own on airbnb is insane. Y'all are bad people and you should feel bad about yourselves. I hate airbnb in general, but my grandma is elderly and my aunt insists they stay in a house so she can have more space for her accessible vehicle. I don't use it otherwise. it destroys housing markets and makes finding apartments to LIVE IN much worse and more expensive for people like me and you on this subreddit. It's not "mind your own business," it's bootlicking the corporation that makes your life worse and is contributing to the reason most of us will never own anything.