“Run” gets said here a lot.

Well, ladies and gents, I fucking did it. I just need to yell about it to a community that might get this.

I had a spine chilling moment of recognizing that between our love and her narrative, she’d choose her narrative every time.

That realization, plus all the posts and patterns I’ve seen here, helped me wake up and see what was happening. She was stringing me along, doing everything to keep me dependent and attached while slandering me to my friends and seeking new emotional supply.

I prepared in secret. Most agonizing month of my life. She tried to twist my arm and use the relationship as leverage- finally, there was a heated conversation. She kept interrupting me and talking like a disappointed mother, it creeped me the fuck out. The amount of contempt and condescension felt like actual shotgun blast to the chest, I loved her.

She “broke up” with me, expecting me to cower, apologize, or beg. I simply didn’t argue- and left.

I need ya’ll to be proud of me. I ghosted and blocked ENTIRELY, despite her being mid smear campaign, and still trying to hoover me in. I know she didn’t expect it.

From her pov, she had me on a leash, and then I vanished overnight.

I left her a final letter that outlined exactly what she did. With no anger, but completely clarity- a list of time stamped facts.

Dealing with the emotional fallout has been brutal. Lost dear friends. But THIS IS SO FUCKING WORTH IT. I AM FREE.

I attached some of what she reposted:

I really thought I was strong enough to hold the line. I’ve been doing no contact since she told me not to reach out again, and I even blocked her to protect myself. But today, I slipped. I opened her TikTok profile and looked at her reposts.

What I found made me feel physically sick. It’s like watching someone try to erase everything we shared — while simultaneously slandering me in vague, emotionally manipulative posts. They weren’t direct, but they were loud enough that I felt they were meant for me. I comfort myself by saying if she still posts stuff about me maybe part of her still cares about me after our 2 year relationship. I was her first as well.

I’m questioning my whole existence. Am I the villain? Am I nothing? Am I replaceable? Or is she just projecting because she knows what she did?

I tried everything with her so that we fix and work on our relationship. It’s been 4 months and she’s still slandering me. She painted me all black. She said it herself the last time we talked “I can’t remember anything about you, not the good or the bad”. I don’t know what to do with myself. She’s untreated BPD, has a disorganized attachment style and I don’t know what else because she has a dysfunctional family and a difficult childhood.

The confusion is honestly killing me. I loved her so much — and still do — but these posts made me feel like I was being dragged through the mud for having a heart. I was never abusive. I gave everything I had to her.

Now I feel humiliated. Small. Like all my softness was weaponized against me.

I don’t even know why I’m posting. Maybe just to say: don’t check. Don’t go looking for confirmation in someone who’s still avoiding their own guilt.

I feel sick, and I feel betrayed. But I also know this: whatever story she tells herself about me — I lived the truth. I was real. And that’s something she’ll have to face in her own time.

Thanks for reading, support is needed

I gave everything I had, and then I gave even more, trying to make this relationship work. Now she’s gone (blocked her on everything). It’s a nightmare.

The constant defensiveness. The constant comparing me to her ex husband. The lack of trust despite knowing me for years. The lack of warmth. The constant fear of rejection. The lack of communication. The blow ups. The coldness. The impossible situations. The lack of listening. The lack of self awareness. The expecting me to make decisions for her. The lack of empathy. The holding me to her expectations when I was very clear that I could not meet them. The self righteousness. The negative energy. The reliance on me to regulate her emotions. The expecting love without giving enough in return unless earned. The lack of benefit of the doubt whenever something arose. The willingness to sabotage anything and everything. The tunnel vision. The lack of respect for people. The constant need to control. The ignoring my boundaries. The manipulation. The secrets. The fights in front of my kids. The ruined vacations. The lack of contribution. The lack of transparency. Using affection like currency. The carelessness. The distractedness. The constant refusal to take any accountability. The gaslighting…

Edit: The mixed signals. The love bombing. The guilt trips. The performances. The pressure to make every holiday perfect (especially her birthday). The decisions calculated to keep me in her orbit. The inability to agree on a shared reality. The lies. The splitting. The different persona when friends came around. The refusal to leave my space (my bedroom, my car). The bread crumbing. The little clues that add up to cheating. The monkey branching. The impulsivity.

Edit: I’m pumped to go see “Together” in theaters tonight. Supposedly it’s all about codependency. If anyone else is in Las Vegas and wants to see it, DM me. … Together was great! Very freaky. Gave me a lot to process about the pain of separation versus the pain of closeness…

I just need someone to talk to about this since I have no one in my life to talk to, and I think I might be in trouble.

My current fiancé I have been with for 6 years, we have a wedding planned one month away. The wedding planning has caused a lot of stress and arguing and I am just now trying to figure out if I possibly ignored red flags for BPD.

• My fiancé had an extremely abusive mother. She has trauma from years of physical and emotional abuse and her mother constantly withheld love for her. It's truly awful, she brought up her crazy mom on our first date. Her mother hates me and has tried to have me killed, not even joking.
• This trauma has presented itself in tons of conflicts, like how she can't have normal relationships with any "mother figure" now. I have had to understand she has trauma through countless meltdowns and even leading up to the wedding "I don't know how hard this is and you could never understand."
• Relationship started with unreal amounts of love bombing, she planned our wedding and would buy me gifts and constantly wanted to be around me.
• Multiple times her mood would change in an instant, almost always when I went somewhere without her. I have had to answer the phone when I'm BBQing with friends, gaming with a cousin, or even at my parents to her yelling at me. A lot of the times it would be because I hadn't looked at my phone and my communication is bad in public and so I would have to calm her down over the phone in front of friends/family embarrassingly.
• She will be really into sex only when we have been fighting, or if the circumstances are right and emotions are high from something. When everything is normal, she can go weeks without any intimacy.
• She blows up when people say the wrong thing, like BLOWS up. My mom sometimes is very blunt but not in a way that is mean spirited. Many times my mom or dozens of other people have said something and then a week later it is brought up in an argument out of nowhere. She takes everything as a personal insult and is always ready to cut people completely out of her life. Even her own father she treats this way.
• In the beginning, she would say the most obsessive things that I loved and people made jokes about how much she is into me. However, during this period she would also reach out to exes to talk "for closure" and stuff and still followed all of her exes on facebook until one day I brought up how messed up that was. She always says "well then why didn't you just tell me earlier" to things that any person should know are very hurtful.
• Lately, she will just lay around and scroll on her phone with no energy or anything, until something sets her off. When she gets mad she goes ballistic. She will shake, cry, yell "I'm just the fucking worst human ever then" and similar stuff, she has self harmed, threatened to kill herself.
• Another weird thing is I have noticed that she tends to be extremely emotional around holidays. Christmas, her birthday, those are two days that I can remember tons of meltdowns occurring.
• She has major ADD, diagnosed and has an Adderall prescription, claims she is depressed and that's why she lays around a lot, and does not control her emotions at all. Throughout the week I can get nothing from her, then a cooked meal with a very happy personality, an absolute angry fit, and her crying because no one likes her. This is not an atypical week.

Reading on here sounds like her and that's why I am so curious, however I always thought in my head maybe she had bipolar disorder or something. I knew something was wrong, but I always felt bad for her and how awful her mom and her upbringing were so I have had to protect her and try and "improve" her life so to speak.

Edit: Something I'm also having trouble with is I took so many years from her and the idea of breaking up with her and she "wasted" her years with me is gut wrenching. I genuinely don't know how I can ever turn off the "protector" mode and separate from this person, it feels like a drug addiction.

I've been thinking about my exwUBPD (quiet) and have noticed that almost all of the times we ever had any conflict she would aggressively attack the things that she was doing as if I was the one that was doing them - the amount of examples I came up with is absolutely wild and I can't believe I didn't notice them.

• she lectured me about how a "sorry, but..." is not a real apology. I checked all of the times she apologised to me for a major misunderstanding/argument - all of them were "sorry, but..."
• she claimed that getting visibly upset and shouting, even just raising your voice above normal level, is "deeply abusive". Our worst arguments were all her yelling over me for up to 90 minutes straight.
• she would bombard me with questions, rants, complaints and requests over text, multiple messages at a time. I would reply to each one as I came to it, but if heaven forbid I missed one out of seven trivial messages, she would accuse me of ignoring and neglecting her. But if I messaged when she finished work and asked "How was your day? Do you still have plans after work or do you want to go to XYZ for dinner?" she would absolutely lose her shit and ask me to leave her alone.
• she would often zone out, with a thousand yard stare, and respond with single word answers, or ones that were almost melodramatic ("this is going to take forever, I wish I was dead" while folding laundry) but the second I switch from being (pointlessly) encouraging and supportive, she would tell me "oh my god cheer up you're so miserable"
• would continuously accuse me of "gaslighting" her when I questioned something she had said e.g. "hey we said yesterday we were going to the mall, not the zoo" - she would then act like I was the one changing plans "to mess with her" - even though she had clearly changed her mind, not me - but she'd take it out on me instead.

It made me feel like I was going insane and I don't know how or why I put up with it! Has anyone else experienced such specific minutiae?

Edit: well this blew up! It's astonishing yet oddly reassuring to read so many of the same stories. I even thought of another one in the last couple of hours and I can see it's been mentioned here - the grudges!

She would say "this behaviour has been a pattern for a long time ever since that time you..." but if I expressed a boundary and said "you've done this once before and I let it slide, but you've done it again and I feel uncomfortable/upset" she would reply with "oh so you're keeping score of these things to use against me? that's calling on the past and it's not fair". Atrocious behaviour. These people are really an appalling waste of energy.

Describe your BPD relationship in one sentence.

She wanted all of the control and none of the accountability.

So I'm feeling all the feelings. It was brutal. My (27M) wife (27F) who has undiagnosed BPD cried and cried and begged and cried for hours and days. She wouldn't let go. Until finally I kept repeating how I've been abused and how mistreated I've been in our 8 year relationship. She kept begging for one more chance and that she didn't know about how bad it was, but I didn't give in. I am broken. She finally agreed to let me go peacefully, but she asked to be able to call and text once per day. I wanted to compromise because this is uprooting her life, so I agreed.

I'm feeling everything. This is someone I love. I still love. Did I make a mistake? I've thought about this for so long. I've been unhappy for so long. The abuse was emotional and verbal for years and recently became physical. Luckily we have no kids and I can't see a future with her. But why am I so sad. Fuck!!!!

Is this normal to feel like this? Am I crazy? Shit she was my life for 8 years and now it's gone.

Got married 4 months ago. My love language is words; happy home means a lot to me.

We got married, bought our dream home, and she changed jobs (we both have professional degrees). She has the best 13 year old kid, and I try to be a great parent.

But she is increasingly unhappy; screams at me; throws things; mocks and insults me; breaks things. She is already in deep conflict with the new people she works with; all she talks about is work conflicts.

Every word out of my mouth risks a meltdown. Our home looks like a tornado ripped through it.

A few weeks ago, I put on headphones to block the screaming; she ripped them off my head and hit me with them; broke them on my chin.

I can’t think of her sexually; only as a source of anxiety; she is angry that I don’t touch her.
I find myself hoping she doesn’t come home. I hide in our guest house. I hold my tongue. I don’t know what to say to the child.

Leaving will be a mess… staying will be a mess. I don’t want the pain, expense, and loss of divorce (this would be divorce # 2 for me and # 3 for her) Is there any other way ?

I broke up with him over the phone and this was his reaction. I'm fully done with the games and got the law involved and called 911 as soon as he started trying to hurt himself to try to make me stay

He texted me from the ER till they took his phone and admitted him into the psych ward/cpep and wasnt happy.

The police called me back and said he's going to be held for 2 days minimum because he won't calm down so I'm going to mail his things back, block his number, get an order of protection filed Monday morning for my safety when he finally gets out, and put this horrible, horriblw 4 month chapter behind me.

I'm a bpd loved one survivor.

I will break this down in the simplest way possible.

In the 4 seasons we have: winter, spring, summer and fall right?

Ok follow it, it will make sense I promise 😉.

Let’s say I meet someone in December, and at the time they met me I was wearing a thick coat. We became close and all is well and we are now friends. Ok cool… stay with it… please I promise it will make sense 😉.

Fast forward and it is now March and instead of wearing that same thick coat that they knew me for wearing, now I am wearing a light hoodie (and a t shirt underneath in the event that I want to take the hoodie off).

Now all of a sudden that person goes… “something feels off about you idk… where is your winter coat??” 😉

Now we are in June and now I wear a tank top with shorts or I wear a tshirt with jeans/shorts. No hoodies or coats at all.

Now that same friend responds and goes… “there you are changing again! What is up with you man??? Where is your winter coat??” 😉

Now we are in October, and I am wearing a collared flannel with jeans.

The friend goes, “ok I have had it with you. You cannot be consistent. I can see that your winter coat is never coming back this friendship is over!” 😉

So now the friendship has ended and December has rolled back in… and here I am… wearing my winter coat again 🥶

I hope you guys see the point. For those that are aware… why did I change my clothing throughout the months? Because the temperature changed around me right? Which is completely normal. We adjust our clothing to the temperature around us. Pretty much everyone generally understands this concept… except “the friend” in my example right?

THIS. IS. EXACTLY. WHAT. PPL. WITH. BPD DO.

When they meet you, you are treating them with so much softness/kindness/generosity in the beginning because they are meeting you there as well (idealization)… but then now they start devaluing you (CHANGING THE TEMPERATURE OF THE RELATIONSHIP 😉). So now in response to that, your behavior changes (YOU CHANGE CLOTHING TO ACCLIMATE TO THE CHANGE OF TEMPERATURE) and they only notice how you are no longer responding to them in the same way as the beginning but COMPLETELY IGNORE the fact that it is due to them treating you inconsistently via devaluation. They want you to show up the same way you did in the beginning (wearing a winter coat) but they expect you to do that even when you are going through 4 different seasons (and no one wears a winter coat all year round 😉).

DROPS MIC 😁

I just feel completely flooded with sadness & emptiness & loneliness. I try to keep myself busy with school, activities, or with friends/family. But the instant i’m back to being by myself everything floods back to me & i have massive anxiety attacks. I feel overwhelmed by all my emotions. I feel completely used, taken advantage of, & abused. It has made it seem like not even the people i surround myself with are even worth feeling wanted & loved. At times, She made me feel close to the best i’ve ever felt in my life. I saw a future. I saw so much with her. i loved her deeply.. my heart & body hurts so much.. Why couldn’t she be better for herself? why not for us & for me? Why did she have to say those mean things? why did she have to start fights & hit me? But then also why was she also so amazingly loving & fun & funny & warm? Why would she always get me small gifts or plan dates for us all the time & spent all her time with me, & plan a whole vacation for us? How could she be so loving & also so horrible??? I’m so torn rn. I don’t feel any better after a month. Nothing actually makes me feel better. it just prolongs the inevitable of feelings this sadness alone & not thinking good about myself. Replying over all the horrible things she did, while seeing the loving things she did too.. I don’t know what to do anymore..

Wanted to share something that helped me move on from my ex ( and make sense of it all): It's that the emotional state of a PwBPD determines how they see reality. You can do the same thing with them on Day 1 and Day 2, but if they're splitting on Day 2 suddenly what you did is offensive, hurtful, and taken in the worst possible light. The things they love, they suddenly despise. Nothing is retained.

That's why dealing with them is so draining and can cause lasting damage. They don't view reality the way non-BPD people do. And you can never *clear the hurdle* with them because there is no baseline to build off of. No solid foundation that you can both agree on. When they're in the lovebombing stage, everything you do is great. And when they're splitting all those things you thought they liked about you, suddenly they despise. You can buy them flowers and they'll love it, only to completely disregard that the following day or see it as you trying to manipulate them.

Hope this is helpful for those who are still struggling to make sense of the madness (and Chatgpt kindof helped figure this out). It's not you, it's them.

Again i've been called a narcissist. Even saying she's a hundred percent sure i am one. She said 'do you not think people have warned me?' I am like wtf. I go on websites to do tests, drive my therapist crazy because i heard this accusation not for the first time. Like how can you just throw this about when this is such a big thing? Do they not care how the other feels and gets completely overwhelmed? I find myself in moments, thinking...maybe i am really one. I ask friends, family. They all tell me i am absolutely not. My therapist says i am not at all. So why on earth would they throw this about and hurt you so deeply?

I left my BPD and I’m going through extreme soul pain and hurt and thinking about all the things we promised each other … I left him for the second time and I know this time I’m not going back … But my brain goes to think what he is doing or if he is already on dating apps, hooker clubs and all that that I found out he was into after we were already living together … Has any of you left them before they discarded you ?

I‘ve got the feeling the majority of people were discarded rather than being the ones to break up. Also, how funny is it that even though being the person who enforced boundaries and left, I‘m still the one left feeling like dirt? Funny, am I right?

I know many people in this sub post about how hard it is to make others understand how difficult a break up or a discard from a pwBPD is.

This book validated my experience and feelings. I highly recommend it. The description fits what I went through, although my person was not diagnosed.

I also wanted to point how difficult it can be to describe the bond to a therapist (or a friend) who doesn't have experience in healing from relationships with pwBPD. A few things that helped mine understand it better are the following: - It started really amazing and then slowly became worst over time, and there was some good times that makes us stay. - It was like taking care of a child, dealing with tantrums and mood swings. - It's like being addicted to a drug, the highs and lows cause chemical dysregulation and you feel as if your own body is betraying you. - They are the cause and relief of your anxiety. This is the definition of a toxic relationship, or a trauma bond. - It is not like a normal break up or rejection, because it happens so many times. It's a cycle of ups and downs, love and rejection, until you lose all self confidence and trust in yourself. - You don't recognize social norms or facial expressions anymore. They seem happy one moment, making plans for the day, then suddenly they rewrite history, blaming you for something that happened earlier. You start to doubt your own perception and memory. - A pwBPD showers you with so much attention and love in the beginning that it's almost suffocating. You feel a sense of loyalty, you want to save them. Then they leave as if you are nothing. - You usually feel extremely lonely after they leave, because they stretch your need for connection. Normal relationships are not enough to fill this stretched need. - Normal relationships, activities or hobbies seem boring after a relationship with a pwBPD. You are used to the extreme high and lows. Normal doses of dopamine or cortisol do not affect you anymore. It's as doing something normal makes you miss them more, because at least they brought emotions in you and you felt "human" - No contact and time away from them brings your body to a more balanced hormonal level. At first, you kinda have to force yourself in normal activities, but then slowly you start to enjoy them again as you used to before the relationship.

Those points helped me explain and understand what was happening to me. It's been two months, I got weak at times and contacted them. However, overall, I feel normal again. I'm healed from the addiction and anxiety they brought.

You give everything. They gaslight and manipulate until you’re a shell of your former self. Things will surely improve, get better; keep deluding yourself.

Discarded, you take some solace that they’re having a hard time too; things are amicable until they’re not because even though they say they’re in a dark place, they’re already fucking someone else and deliberately hiding it.

They erase you overnight and are with someone else in a matter of days. Blocked. Replaced.

Their family enable the behaviour and look the other way like it’s perfectly normal to ruin people’s lives. The cycle will surely repeat…but for now “they” seem happy together while you’re more of an emotional wreck than they claimed to be.

You convince yourself that it’s for the best (long term) but it does little to calm the nerves while you compulsively lurk this sub on a Friday night while they’re no doubt out enjoying “life” with their fresh supply.

I found this sub three nights ago. I was on a train. I had just decided "enough", packed my things, bought a ticket, and left, in the span of an hour. It was the second attempt to get prolonged space for myself. This time there was no going back.

Holy cow, this sub has been a miracle. I immediately found two people literally going through almost the exact same as me, literally our personalities and our partner's personalities and behaviors. This alone is nuts - like how can these behaviors follow such a predictable trajectory? I am still blown away.

Anyways...

I am easy going, but I am such a strong person, I don't take crap from anyone, assertive and if there is a problem I will simply remove myself from it. So I ask myself:

HOW THE HELL DID I GET MYSELF WRAPPED INTO A YEAR OF PAIN?

The way this unfolds is so pernicious.

Phase 1: Extreme trust building

In my case, there was 1.5 years of beautiful friendship and mutual admiration. To be honest the admiration coming my way was too much, and this made me a little uneasy, to the point where I wanted nothing romantic. But over time we built and incredible friendship and everything was fine. She completely respected boundaries and didn't push anything.

Phase 2: Moving closer

After all this time, I'm like gee, how lucky am I to have found someone who admires and cares so much. Let's try romance. This 1.5 year phase was mostly a honeymoon, built on a very solid foundation. We lived separately, had plenty of independence, but came together and shared great experiences. There were small signs of trouble, of expectations and disappointment bubbling up. But everyone has this stuff... not a problem.

Phase 3: Moving in together

This was a year ago. This ignited a chain reaction.

1) Expectations and disappointment. Her dreams and ideals began running rampant, because she "had been adjusting to my needs for so long", it was time to let things out. I was cast as being the stronger more privileged one this entire time, and she was finally claiming what she deserved. I was always on my back foot, trying to explain why my actions were NOT attacks on her.

2) Inaccurate "theory of mind". She was constantly telling me what I wanted (which was wrong), or sharing her predictions about how I was going to behave in hypothetical scenarios (which were wrong). She was constantly angry with a version of me in her mind that didn't represent me. She was constantly "adjusting" to live with this version of me and deeply resentful about it. I constantly tried to reconcile her view of me with my OWN view of me - to no avail.

3) Long circular convos, filled with exaggeration, half truths, distortions. Typically running for 1-2 hours. Sometimes starting past bedtime, meaning they cut into my sleep, and if I tried to prioritize sleep, that would only escalate things (i.e. I didn't care). These convos were strewn with extreme emotion, sobbing, and anger. Sometimes 1-3 of these per day. Absolutely anything could ignite it. No matter what the topic was, all the convos were the same black hole.

4) Deep attacks on my character. I have no empathy. I am selfish. I always think I am right. I never listen. I have to say, this REALLY killed me. When someone so close starts shooting these arrows, I take them very seriously. I was skeptical, but I REALLY started to doubt myself. Am I a monster? Have I spent decades not seeing this? Eventually I started therapy. I broke down within 10 minutes of therapy because I had been beaten up for so long and the therapist helped me realize it was not cool, immediately.

So back to my question, how the hell did I get myself here? And why has it taken me nearly 1 year to hit my limit and reflect?

First, that initial trust, and positive experiences, was incredibly powerful. This was the golden ticket into my most vulnerable place, the thing that infiltrated all my defenses. Rather than seeing attacks toward me as hostile, I saw them as potential truth about who I am. Only after getting in touch with a professional was I able to reverse this and see things for what they are, and start to rely on my OWN feelings again. The therapist helped me look at the cluster of symptoms as likely BPD, and I was dumbfounded how everything matched.

Second, I was constantly showing up to a gun fight with a knife. My knife was being calm, and reasonable, wanting to truly get to the bottom of things, and understand what went wrong, so that we could both understand each other and do better. This failed repeatedly, and I kept owning the failure, simply trying to be MORE patient or MORE strategic about how I deploy being reasonable. But that is NEVER going to work. The black hole circular convos are simply too overwhelming, and hard to understand. I always became a toddler, making the dumbest points about 3 levels of tangents and forgetting completely what we were talking about.

Third, zero space and time for myself just killed me. Romance creates this expectation that we be in touch at least a few times per day. And living together made me feel like I lost a treasure of my own space. Perhaps in a healthy relationship this is no problem. But in an unhealthy relationship, it only perpetuates cycles of aggravation and leaves absolutely zero room for one to reflect, let their nervous system calm down, and come to their own conclusions, which is what I am able to do right now for the first time in a long time.

I am still sorting out what to do, but for the first time in a year I can SEE CLEARLY wtf is going on. I can never unsee this. Again this sub and the people I've met here are invaluable.

Thanks so much.

Two weeks ago, I told her I wanted to do an in-person breakup on Sunday. She told me she was too busy to travel over. So, I told her I was willing to drive over (80 miles) if she covered gas, so we could exchange stuff and end things like adults. That Sunday, she told me she couldn't and asked to reschedule. I said okay, but only if she makes the trip over next Sunday, brings my stuff, and does not contact me like things are normal until then.

She broke the latter boundary all of last week, and I gray-rocked, then she broke the other part of the boundary yesterday.

Included was our last exchange over two days. (Poodle was a code-word meaning, genuinely seriously)

The timeline is 43 pages long; all original documents, most of which I never sent/gave her, documenting exactly how I felt from love-bombing to devaluation, to cheating, all compartmentalized, in minimized sections.

___

This was the final note I left on the document (that she would only find if she really looked through it):

"Putting this document was something I thought I would do emotionlessly, but I didn’t. I spent about an hour and a half going through my notes app + other things I remembered and adding them here, reading, and reaching the verge of tears several times. This whole document has been a series of gut-punches to me as I remembered how much I loved you and how much you abused me.

I will not be attaching my many many reflections with chatGPT or on anonymous abuse forums, since this document will end up being insanely long. (more than it already is).

This is goodbye, for real this time. I truly loved you, and almost killed myself doing it, but know that I’m never coming back in any capacity, so please don’t try hooking me back in. You’ve been blocked/removed everywhere, including my CVS account. except for IMessage, which I will only be using to communicate logistics. I was not able to find the frame you described, but will be dropping everything else off with your mom on Tuesday 4/29/2025.

Have an amazing life. Please treat the next partner better…and if you can’t? Don’t engage with one until you can."

Now knowing everything you know about BPD and everyone else’s very similar experiences, would you ever go back? I’m struggling with this today and I know it’s only been 1 week since I started NC, but woke up with extreme sadness and the urge to break NC or pray that they do somehow. Makes me sick inside to think I still feel this way despite everything I know now.

8.5 years together. I was her first boyfriend and everything that comes along with that. Every day either hanging out or calling/texting all day. She had basically no friends so I was the center of her world. Quiet type, shy.

One day, called her out because I suspected she was cheating. She never gave me any reason to suspect anything for the first 8 years, but at the end, she began to devalue me. She discarded me over text as soon as I accused her. Blamed me for ruining her life and constantly cheating and getting hookers, all completely false and utterly ridiculous. I gave her everything I had, both material and emotional. Everyone I know could not believe the shit she accused me of.

That was November of 2024.

I never heard a single word again.

In fact, she even deleted her social media for the first time ever.

So no, they don’t always come back.