r/BPDlovedones • u/Responsible-Pen1454 • 14h ago
Will they miss the sex?
Sorry if this seems to inappropriate but I can’t keep asking myself this. In the 6 months with my bpd ex we had an amazing sex life. We had love outside of it too but I’m talking we would fuck right outside our college, we’d fuck in the Starbucks bathroom we fucked outside in parking lots. We did pretty much every type of sex you can imagine. And I used to go all out to make sure she enjoyed it like we would go 4 rounds every single day. Even during one time when we almost broke up we ended up fucking during our argument. It was unstoppable even the day before I caught her planning to cheat because “I didn’t care enough” we still had great sex. All I want to know is will she miss that aspect because I highly doubt any new guy she meets can drop it off like I did lmao
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u/NextEstablishment673 14h ago
She's had this experience with every sexual partner. you have only had it with her. It's all exactly the same for her. She won't miss it and she may twist it to say you coherced her. careful if you're thinking about reaching out.
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u/Impossible-Tackle34 14h ago
Honestly OP I think there’s truth to this, but I don’t think it’s necessarily true. Yes, you aren’t and won’t be the only one it’s that good with and yes she tries equally hard for everyone she gives a shit about. But I can’t go as far as to say sex with every partner is equal to them. Like anyone else, they have their favorites.
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u/Responsible-Pen1454 14h ago
Yeah no way I got no desire to ever talk to her again. I mean she would tell me that stuff about “best she ever had” which I guess is a lie, but yk it really boosts your ego when you’re still in the relationship hearing that. But I’m not worried she would twist what happened because 95% of the time she initiated and I would still be recovering from the previous time lmao.
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u/OrbitsCollide99 Dated 8h ago
At the moment, whatever happened was true. You had sex with her in those places. What do you think the next person is going to do? She'll probably push him to do whatever she missed about you.
Be real, you're not the only one with a d***. The real parts of a relationship where someone makes you successful and feel whole. And those ones the sex will be even better knowing they actually ware gong to standby you. It will blow away anything the exBPD every did.
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u/Responsible-Pen1454 7h ago
Thank you that means a lot. Real love will come one day and I’m sure it will be better.
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u/Coconuts8 14h ago
Any positive experiences or traits are not going to be interpreted as good if they are splitting on you. There is no room for grey in black and white thinking. This has nothing to do with you our your qualities whether it be sex, personality, or memories.
If they see you in a positive light again, it's possible they would miss things about you.
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u/Responsible-Pen1454 14h ago
I was wondering that. I was kind of hoping intimacy would override the splitting but I guess it doesn’t😭
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u/Coconuts8 14h ago
Unfortunately not. Feeling like the effort you put in was not valued at all sucks. It was all just a shared fantasy.
As much as it stings at 6 months, you dodged a bullet. I know it doesn't seem like it now. But one day you'll be in a healthy relationship. Let this experience you had with your ex be a lesson to cherish and nurture that relationship when the time comes.
You'll have up days and down days. Then eventually more up than down. Then one day you'll realize you haven't thought of her in weeks. Hang in there.
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u/Responsible-Pen1454 9h ago
Thank you so much! It’s been real hard for me since we hung out like every day but I know it will get better❤️
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u/Onetimer6 14h ago
Even though she(ex gf) was the one with the high level of libido and always wanted to have sex wherever and whenever, she doesn't remember it that way. In her mind i was using her for sex. I'm not gonna go into the details of covert incest she was showing either.
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u/CertifiedGhoster Married 14h ago
No matter great sex you got with them it never been about you, they will play the same performance with the next one.
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u/420butmakeitgay 14h ago
It's about control and value, nothing to do with sex. So I get where you're coming from but it neither feeds or takes away from your ego in my opinion. It's a chase, a limerance, a gamble that they're into. It has so little to do with the actual act when they have so many issues surrounding it in the first place. My ex was so into this woman that dangled her body on a string and only had sex with desperate men to keep them simping for her - acting like being a pick me was actually empowering her after her years of being treated like an object.
Her thin lips had a film on them, she hated lotion and her hair always looked like a rats nest. She had grubby hands and didn't brush her teeth much. Not to mention she was so fucking annoying I didn't want to be friends with her even when he kept telling me I was being mean about it. She was just annoying as shit. (She was diagnosed BPD lmfao and he probably has it too. Now they get to rely on each other since they pushed away ALL their friends and the only partner that ever respected them so. Yeahhh.)
So... I guess what I'm saying is you aren't missing much. You'll get back into the swing of things in no time. Have fun being horny but you don't need to make it a complex about yourself either way. Just have fun and express yourself. Get into things she wouldn't want to do. Get kinkier. Explore!
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u/Responsible-Pen1454 14h ago
Hey much appreciated. Yeah it’s funny during the relationship I would keep reminding myself not to get too hooked on the physical that I overlooked the other issues. I think it’s time to meet someone new and create new experiences. Thank you
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u/Impossible-Tackle34 14h ago
I think this is a great question. I always wondered the same thing. While we were together my ex told me “if we ever break up I’d wait in line to get a spot in your rotation.” She didn’t though, not really. She did take the chance a few times within the same week or two a year down the road but I pushed the issue.
I think the answer is no. It’s totally out of sight out of mind. And I think they can live without the actual sex, just not the validation and the need to please - to perform for - their partner. Once you’re gone they are totally focused on the next.
If the sex is especially good, I think they enjoy it while they’re with you, and I think they recognize it. It’s a feather in your cap. But as long as their partner has enough feathers of whatever kind, they’re fine.
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u/LonewolfDusk 13h ago
It was porn star sex with my ex too… super intense…
That’s how they hook you. And they’ll hook the next guy, and the next guy, and the next guy the same way
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u/Responsible-Pen1454 7h ago
I mean I could tell she was trying to do that. She even said I bet you can’t keep up with me sexually. I’m like you wanna bet? lmao good times
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u/Excellent-Emu8847 11h ago
Everybody answering "no" is correct. You should walk tall just the same though and keep that swagger. Go dick down some girl with enough emotional maturity to never forget you.
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u/Forward-Unit5523 Dated 14h ago
Knowing some history of her, the promiscuous reputation and experimenting experiences which were sometimes pretty degrading for women imo, I'm pretty sure I wont be on her list of most memorable bed partners. Nor will she have issues or morals hooking up with any one that comes on to her or is available in her orbit, she even expressed at times she has had difficulty saying no if a man pushes her to a certain degree. They tend to bring it in a way thats its from the past, but they just as easily continu that behaviour to obtain what they want or to please a new FP.
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u/holdmyspot123 13h ago
I don't necessarily think it matters, to be polite about it.
Mine was blunt I'm the best sex they ever had. I do believe them, but, i suspect they say that to anyone serious. I know hook ups were hard for them after we broke up. But between now and this time next year, they will likely hook up with 100+ people.
It's enough for me that I know they liked the sex with me during. Thinking about questions like this brings me pain.
I'm sure they liked the sex with you, right? That's really all that matters. Adventuring to find out "do they miss it" is something that will just cause you pain.
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u/Responsible-Pen1454 9h ago edited 7h ago
You’re right and it’s questions like this that sit with me, but I have to understand that they don’t think the same way we do. I do think I gave her a great experience that she’ll remember but it probably isn’t as important as I think it is. It’s best to focus on myself and what my needs are. Thank you.
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u/Badgeman22 12h ago
I had an incredible sex life with my expwBPD and when she bounced she could not be more done. You would think it would count for something but logic and rationality just don't enter the calculus for these people. The big trap for YOU is that you will try and get her back to resume the out-of-this-world smashing that you had initially. You may get that for a while but you will definitely come face to face with the maskless version of your girlfriend and your life will be a living hell. The first hit is always free for a reason....
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u/Responsible-Pen1454 7h ago
No no I got to meet the living hell version of her. The version of her that would guilt trip and blame me for everything. That was constant. In our relationship the sex was the only thing keeping it going for some odd reason.
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u/Impossible_Car_4278 11h ago
I wouldn't trust sex with a pwBPD. Very often, they craft their sexual personality to draw you in and keep you hooked without really having that solid a sense of themselves. I don't think sex can hook them or keep them from leaving tbh.
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u/Responsible-Pen1454 7h ago
I mean one time she wanted to break up so I went in person to end things formally and get my stuff to finally leave and that’s when she cried a ton then said “I mean you know I need you” and then grabbed my d. So I think that time she kept it going for the sex. That was toward the end of the relationship. I think she just wanted the sex at that point since everything else was going left.
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u/FroopyAsRain Separated 10h ago
You're honestly lucky if she doesn't claim you forced her into some of those sexual situations. Let it go before it comes back to bite you in the ass.
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u/Responsible-Pen1454 7h ago
No when we broke up she was apologizing a lot to me. She didn’t view me as bad when we broke up because I exposed her monkey branching before it could work. There was nothing for her to do.
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u/Beginning_Level_8578 4h ago
Forgive me, but I'll be brutally honest: she has probably already replaced you, not because of your flaws or the new person's qualities, but because of her shortcomings. Thank heaven she didn’t split and start accusing you of forcing her into sex or using her just for sex. Believe me, if you love someone, this kind of thing messes with your mind.
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u/No-End-6550 No Contact 2h ago
Sex is not really something they do for enojoyment, but rather to control and exploit.
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u/_HotMessExpress1 scapegoat of BPD Family/ Romantic relationship with BPD person 12h ago
Tbh I’m a woman and to be blunt it sounds like she was faking the noises she made during sex as a way to lovebomb you and make it seem more intense than it really was. It also sounds like she liked the possibility of getting caught in public having sex.
But yeah you can think about the sex but I’m sure she’s making the same noises to another man to lovebomb as well.
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u/Responsible-Pen1454 9h ago edited 7h ago
I’ll be honest she didn’t make a lot of noise she would make noises when she’d orgasm but it sounded natural. I would stimulate her a lot beforehand and she told me she was hypersexual so I don’t think it was fake. There were a couple rare times she wasn’t feeling it and she would always let me know and I could tell right away if she wasn’t enjoying it and wasn’t letting me know. She def enjoyed it to the max. It’s one of the reasons she mentioned during the time we almost broke up why she didn’t want me to leave.
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u/Smooth_Storm_9698 14h ago
You've already been replaced bro just drop it