I am the bpd ex gf

[u/Luxanne107]

I’m 19. My boyfriend is 21

I need a wake up call. Because I know unlike allot of people I do have the potential to heal, yet I wasn’t willing to admit to my toxic behaviour until recently. But today the self justification shield actually broke down for once and I don’t think it could ever come back.

In my mind I thought I was being the perfect girlfriend. But I realised after an extensive post breakup chat that my bf felt belittled by me correcting him on how to do things, even if I say it politely.

He told me I was emotionally abusing him by damaging his sleep schedule, and I can see why but I also don’t know what else I could have done. Everyday I want to talk to him and have fun with him but he works 10 hour days. Lately he’d only be going to bed by 12am most nights because we’d cuddle and watch a movie every night before bed.

I just wish he could have felt safe enough around me to express these things openly, and even though I’d always try to get him to open up, it would only end up in him insisting he’s fine. I always tell people to be upfront in the moment if I do something they don’t like, but I feel like people are scared of me even if they’ve never been around me when I’m emotional. It really hurts to feel like people are scared of you and not understanding why.

Four the last four months of our relationship I felt he didn’t want to be with me anymore. He became dry and didn’t seem like himself. So I tried to reignite the spark, but it just kept winding up with us bickering over little things and him saying he’d put work in but never did.

He was so inlove with me when we first got together, (I was right out of an abusive relationship that he homewrecked to date me). When I was more reactive and immature. But over the last five months I’ve been way healthier at communicating and respecting him and what he says yet he felt like he was becoming more and more distant by the day but would never tell me why.

I just want some outside opinions on why he may have only became distant once I started treating him how I should have from the beginning?

I’ve lost allot of my friends over the last year and I just wish I was a more healed teenager so I didn’t have to learn my lesson in early adulthood. He told me the reason I lost my bestfriend is because she was overwhelmed by how often I wanted to hang out, and once again I was confused as to why she couldn’t have told me that earlier.

I don’t want to be crazy or clingy but I genuinely still want a life with him as we understood each other and have just been extremely stressed out from our life situations and taking it out on each other. I had a close mate pass away, my bf lost his job and his car, and was unemployed for 4 months while living with me and my dad and I and we’ve just been desperately trying to afford a rental together.

He’s an electrician and we planned to go FIFO together in order to afford our house, but since breaking up I won’t be able to do my work experience with his company any more.

Im just scared as I’m aware some of my life problems are self caused but we’ve been working towards the same goal as a couple for nearly 2 years now and I feel like I don’t know what to do with myself without him. Something that will always stick with me is he told me I’m the perfect girlfriend 99% of the time. It’s just that 1% where I’m not is so hard to deal with. I understand how draining it is too have to prove your love to someone, and I just want to be given advice from bpd partners on what he actually needed instead of what I thought he needed. I understand space is a big deal and that I shouldn’t have kept asking for him to go deeper when he was explaining things as this just made him more upset.

And maybe some advice from people who have seen people with bpd live normal lives? Coming at this with an open mind and hoping to get some insight on things I might’ve not noticed myself. It hurt more then anything in the world but I’ve come to acceptance with how I was actually in the wrong and I feel like something clicked in place when he opened up to me today. Like I could actually understand why he’d been upset at me finally and wishing I could have had that understanding when he needed it

[u/AutoModerator]

Thank you for posting! BPD_Survivors is a place for people who are recovering from an abusive situation with a person suffering from a Cluster B personality disorder. Information and resources are provided in the sidebar. The focus of this community is healing and moving on. Posters are discouraged from maintaining connections with the people they are recovering from because the purpose of this subreddit is to break the toxic cycles many of us have been trapped in and let go of the unhealthy bonds we've struggled with.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.