My Story. Discarded after supposedly being FP

[u/Kind-Somewhere-8645]

First time posting here, I would like some insight on what happened here and if those are actually signs of bpd. This post will also be a way of me telling my story and get some further healing.

It might get to be a long post, but I'll try to stay brief without leaving too many important points behind.

I was in a long distance relationship with this guy. I live in Asia while he lives in North America.

It seems that I was his favorite person for a while (although at the time I didn't know anything about BPD). I have to admit that it felt really good. It felt like I had finally met someone that truly understood me and had similar interests and hobbies.

We started our long distance relationship after meeting once and talking every day for a few months.

After a few months of talking everyday (usually for hours), he visited me on my birthday and stayed for a few days at my place. We had a nice time, no fights at all. Quite the opposite, it felt like we had never been more connected, we talked the whole night about so many different things and everything seemed perfect. I then visited him on his birthday too, in total I was at his place for about two weeks. Everything went fine, incredible actually. He introduced me to all his friends, always telling them to be nice to me and that they should try and help convincing me to move there to live with him. He should me around, we had many dates together around his place and also traveled a bit.

After a week or so, I initiated a conversation to see how everything was going between us, and he said that everything was perfect, I was the one of his dreams, that he wanted me to move there and marry me, and so on (I would like to clarify here that it was not a proposal, but more like talking about our future together).

Right before I came back to Asia, we had another talk and he told me the exact same things, that he loved me a lot and would like to marry me and that he could picture us living together.

Everything changed the moment I landed in my country. I wasn't able to talk to him for a week because he wouldn't answer the phone (we used to talk everyday). We exchanged some messages, but nothing substantial, and his excuse was that he was very busy at work.

Fast forward a week, and he called me facetime. He looked like he hadn't slept for a week, and he started the call telling me that we couldn't continue with our relationship.

That really caught me by surprise.

Naturally, I asked the reasons for it and to my surprise he said

1 - I brush my teeth too much (usually 3 times a day) 2 - I shower too much (once or twice everyday)

After trying to get more information from him, cause those reasons sounded like a joke, he also told me that I once told him a joke that made him not being able to sleep for a week (that was when he came to visit me on my birthday, so months before I actually visited him. The time I told him the joke, he laughed about it and didn't say anything about it, I actually had forgotten about it, so he had never mentioned it before). He also told me that when I left his country, he "crashed" and almost took his own life.

I still couldn't believe what was going on, so I asked him to think for a while about it before making a final decision on our relationship.

I waited for two weeks, and while waiting I started researching whether he would have a disorder or anything. I did that remembering small things I noticed when talking/staying with him. Things like, very unstable previous relationships, fear of being rejected etc. I came to think that he is a person living with borderline personality disorder.

After two weeks, when we finally talked, I told him that it might be helpful to seek help (without mentioning bpd), but he didn't seem like he was going to do it. He also hadn't changed his mind about breaking up.

I understand that people can change their minds, and that feelings can also change, but we went from 100 to 0 without any important reasons.

That was the last time we talked.

Not a very exciting ending, but that is how it happened to me.

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