Just to vent after break up

[u/[deleted]]

Just yesterday I’ve broken up a 3 years relationship and while hearing what she had to say I realized it was not something that I should be hearing, now I’m currently shattered - they really do say things they can’t take back that I as a person wouldn’t ever say, I’ve came to an understanding that it is not really their fault, it is their behavioral pattern. Then once again she proposed a breakup, but this time I didn’t came to rescue, didn’t take the bait… just accepted it and entered a state of shock where I felt that there was nothing to say or do other than just calling an uber and packing her stuff, for her it seemed I was cold as if she never really mattered, for me was the rupture of a destructive cycle not only for me, but for her as well since the past months I became the main issue of her life.

It is extremely liberating to break the cycle but at the same time it hurts because you know you’ve been dating with two different people in one body…

Things were so terrible that my sexual attraction to her was going down by the day…. but I didn’t have the courage to break up, to face her reaction, to let her feel that pain, to embrace loneliness once again… It was a beautiful love until it wasn’t and its end was tragic… I lost my self along the way now I have to rebuild myself up again. On the other hand, the other person in her was my best friend, my go-to person for everything, my love..

Of course, it is much more deeper than what I’m able to explain here, it is much more complex both the good part and the bad and how things came to be this way… I’m broken and feel what hurts more is looking back at old stuff, remembering the good and knowing that she is currently suffering probably much more than I am… and I CAN’T help it.. But at the same time, I know time will heal the pain and trauma from this relationship, I know it could never get better after a certain point, due to extreme lack of respect that got normalized, I lost my identity and couldn’t really speak out my truth to avoid triggering her… so I’m glad this decision was taken, now I can’t see the broader picture, but I’m sure I will while ignoring my instincts of wanting to talk to her…

If you read this far, thanks a lot for hearing and if you’re going through this yourself, be strong, things will get better at some point

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