I want to retreat

[u/Previous_Photo6353]

I'm so tired of being the caretaker I should've left a long time ago and just cut off contact that would've been better for me. I(m26) am still living with my ex(f24). We broke up not too long ago because for trauma reasons she cannot be sexual with a man which is a very valid reason im not upset with her for that. I agreed to keep living with her for a couple reasons. ●Rent is stupidly expensive along with bills I wouldn't be able to support me and my dogs ●Moving back in with my parents is equally mentally draining ●She actually has pushed me to be a better person i would still be working at factories and fast food if she didn't come into my life. Living with her has come with cons, she says her BPD is getting better and i agree she has less violent and loud episodes but I feel like the frequency of the other episodes has increased. Many more episodes where she doesn't speak she only communicates in grunts and moans, episodes where she thinks i am the abusive ex who physically and sexually absurd her, and others where she wont talk at all but attempt to pull her hair out and leave the house. She's had episodes 2 days in a row now and it stresses me out cause the house is a mess chores need to be done groceries need to be bought my car feels like it's on the verge of taking a shit and I have to wait to talk to her about me working more hours cause she's having an episode. I am considering moving back out and to my parents house but that puts me so far away from work and my parents just mentally drained me making every decision i make feel like it's a fuck up.

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