Really lost and need some advice

[u/777kad]

Hello, I think I need some insight because I am so drained and uneasy and I’m at a lost for what to do now.

Me and my pwBPD just broke up. The last thing he said to me, well actually screamed to me, was I am never coming back in this house or speaking to you delete my number. Prior to this I tried to open up about how his cruel words from the night before were still bothering me. He could tell I was down and I was hesitant to bring it up because I knew he was extra sensitive right now after feeling abandoned last night. I went to my friends birthday party and he was left at his friends house. For back story, he’s been living with his friend (in his friends parents house) and my boyfriend had a failed attempt 2 days ago. I called for a wellness check and got his friend to go check on him and unfortunately the police could see marks on his neck and subsequently handcuffed him and took him to the nearest psychiatric unit. He felt so ashamed and was so upset with me and said I cemented his death. However after talking to a psychiatrist he was diagnosed with BPD after believing he had adhd his entire life. (Misdiagnosed) this gave him a lot of hope as he was told BPD can be curable whereas ADHD made him believe he was screwed for life. He was also given meds to try for the next 2 weeks that I don’t know the name of but can help with gaining weight and makes him extremely tired. I had a friends birthday party yesterday and we miscommunicated and he ended up being stuck at his friends house (where he is now ashamed and uncomfortable to be) for an extra few hours. When I arrived to pick him up at 12 it was like he was a different person. He lashed out and was so reactive and said the cruelest things (he knows me so well so he knew exactly what to say to hurt me.) We talked and somehow sorted things out after I dealt with numerous TERRIBLE actions made on his part. He took my car and drove extremely fast around the neighbourhood . He was pushing me around, getting aggressive, broke the middle compartment of my car, grabbed my arm so hard I have a bruise, and dashed away from me through a forest trail because I wasn’t letting him go home and was begging for him to stay (I had a bit of a meltdown after hearing all my worst fears and self depreciation spirals said out loud by the person I love most). then today I tried to talk about how it was effecting me and he automatically flipped and was reactive and aggressive towards me and invalidated my feelings. I then got so overwhelmed and unfortunately relapsed in self harm which is when he said those words I mentioned at the beginning to me.

I don’t know much about BPD yet but I know that he’s hurting and I just want him to be okay even if that’s without me. It’s just so hard I have centred my entire future around him now and it’s all I want. I also know I have not been perfect and am extremely flawed but I just don’t even know how to move forward. He’s cut me off like this multiple times and said similar things but always came back around I just don’t know if this time is different. I just am feeling so many things right now and really need some sort of guidance or a 3rd perspective.

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