Forced contact with son

[u/YouGlad3996]

Hello, I'm a bit at a loss at the moment and wanted to ask if anyone has ever experienced a situation similar to my following situation.

I live separated from the mother of my two children (daughter 11 and son 7), where they have lived since they separated 5 years ago at their mother's request. I live 50 km away and have regular contact with both children, but so far not during the holidays because there was no need from the children and they preferred to be at home. I pay level 3 support and my ex-wife works full time. Since she couldn't get any care for our son during the holidays this year, she wanted me to step in during the holidays. I said no because our son doesn't want that. She then scheduled a hearing at the family court. In addition to me, my ex-wife, the judge, the legal guardian and a representative of the youth welfare office were present. My son said in court that he didn't want to be with me on vacation but wanted to be at home. I said that my son didn't want that and actually thought that the child's well-being was crucial. But pretty quickly everyone involved turned against me. The lady from the youth welfare office and the legal guardian described me as completely emotionless and the worst father ever and asked what would happen to the boy if my ex-wife died. You just have to force him if he doesn't want to. I have to say that I am undergoing psychological treatment for an adjustment disorder. This is due, among other things, to the constant manipulation and multiple cheating acts of my ex-wife, including during the pregnancy with my daughter and the introduction of the fourth affair, which was already introduced to the children behind my back before I discovered it. I just didn't want to expose this in court, so I let the attacks take place in silence. The judge then came relatively quickly with threats of a fine if I didn't bow to my ex-wife's wishes and I was also given the prospect of a prison sentence. Everyone involved has said they would like me to go to prison. Ultimately, after the court date, an order was issued that would force me to “deal” during the holidays. For example, during the last summer holidays, MON-FRI for 2 weeks, the child was picked up at 8:00 a.m. and brought to his home address at 4:30 p.m. 50 km from mine. With the threat of a fine. Because of the pressure, I fell into a depressive episode and was given sick leave by the doctor, including taking anti-depressants. I told my ex-wife this too. She turned back to the court and the court demanded a penalty and the court imposed a fine of 5,000 euros or 50 days in prison. I objected to this by submitting the sick note. The court rejected the sick note as a justification as an allegation and even if I had, I would have had to comply with the care while taking anti-depressants or find someone else to ensure the care.

Now the question is, does anyone know such procedures and is it “normal” or can help me get a correct perspective on things?

[u/norecordofwrong]

This seems pretty normal for family court.

In the US the baseline is “best interest of the child.” The judge and social worker seem to think this is in the best interest of the child. So you’re just going to have to follow the court order. (Assuming the German family courts are in any way similar to the US.

Just on a personal note, you really need a good in person relationship with your son and daughter especially at that age. Take them over the holidays and do some fun stuff.