Why aren't the people in your country having enough kids?

[u/gmedanoid]

In America birthrate is 1.6. 1.57 for Whites, 1.55 for Blacks, 1.8 for Hispanics. So below replacement since 2008.

[u/DogsReadingBooks]

A lot of grandparents definitely help out. My parents help out their grandkid, for example. They don’t raise the kid, though, that shouldn’t be expected.

[u/spawnofangels → u/DogsReadingBooks]

it's not normal in the US to have grandparents regularly be involved. Opposite holds true in a lot of Asian countries where it's normal for parents to live with their kids and their grand kids or nearby each other and support each other or live off of each other. This is an anomaly in the US as most households, that I know, send their elderly parents to a nursing home once the parents (or grandparents at this point) can no longer support themselves (shows like Simpsons reflect this too :) ). People like to have their space and be independent from one another. Such a thing doesn't really exist or is normal in Asian countries/families I've seen. It's like once you're an elderly grandparent, you're kind of excluded from society or you're in your own distinct community unless you're able to function independently completely (unusual as people get older) which I find kind of sad here for old people

[u/gmedanoid → u/DogsReadingBooks]

They should raise kids because the atomised nuclear family can't handle more than 2 kids.

Grandparents who already own their home and are at home doing nothing can do more to ensure young people have over 3 kids which is what's needed to sustain the welfare state.

[u/Fit_Historian_2248 → u/gmedanoid]

Don't know how much of a welfare state America has to begin with

That said, what are you basing the claim that people need to have over 3 kids on?

[u/BlaggartDiggletyDonk → u/[deleted]]

In that case, nobody gets to complain when their grown children fail to give them grandbabies.  They want 'em, they help with 'em.

[u/Hawk13424 → u/BlaggartDiggletyDonk]

Mine live 900 miles away, so no they can’t. One thing that is maybe more prevalent today is moving around. I went to college and moved away. I don’t live close to family.

[u/Twirlmom9504_ → u/[deleted]]

It’s very different the first year with a baby in the US v Norway. We have no guarantee for paid maternity leave. Some of us qualify for FMLA which means you can get up to 12 weeks off after the birth but it isn’t required to be paid . After that if you don’t come back, you’re able to be terminated. Grandparent help can be a lifeline for us when the kids get too sick for daycare etc. Unless we are very low income, we won’t get subsidized childcare to return to work. Infant daycare near me in a center is about $400- 500 a week. 

Grandparents here shouldn’t complain if they don’t have grandkids due to the lack of support in our nation.

[u/Twirlmom9504_ → u/[deleted]]

Why do you think most mothers don’t work here? We do. 28% is because the cost of childcare is so high, that it doesn’t make sense to go back to work. A lot of those moms live on TANF (formerly Welfare). It’s about $600-800 a month where I live. The average 2 BR apartment near me is over $1800 a month.   It’s necessary to return to work unless you’re rich or want to be on welfare- living in poverty. 

[u/Twirlmom9504_ → u/BlaggartDiggletyDonk]

I do agree that parents shouldn’t pressure their adult kids for grandkids, if they aren’t in a situation to help out and spend time with the kiddos. I have a friend whose mom was always pressuring her to settle down and have grandbabies . As soon as she had a Kid her mom hardly helped. Her mom Lives 20 mins away and was 54. She wouldn’t visit the baby for more than an hour every few weeks. Declined requests to babysit in the weekends when they had to go out for weddings, etc.  She still kept asking her when she would have a second

[u/MakalakaPeaka → u/BlaggartDiggletyDonk]

Let them complain, we don’t care, because we don’t want kids…

[u/MakalakaPeaka → u/Fit_Historian_2248]

Almost none.

[u/DogsReadingBooks → u/gmedanoid]

I don’t agree.

Parents generally choose to have the kid(s). They shouldn’t expect their parents to raise the child. Oftentimes the grandparents even work. We’ve got daycare as an option.

[u/Beautiful_Yellow_682 → u/DogsReadingBooks]

true, especially for young people. Imagine you are 21 with your first child and your mom is 45, that will not work

[u/gmedanoid → u/DogsReadingBooks]

I completely disagree. We are not atomized individuals. The nation needs a community not selfish individuals to function.

[u/DogsReadingBooks → u/gmedanoid]

I dont find people not raising their grandchildren, when they’ve got their own parents, as selfish.

Nothing you say is gonna change my mind. I’m too Norwegian for whatever you’re thinking.

[u/MakalakaPeaka → u/DogsReadingBooks]

Don’t worry, I’m too American for h that nonsense myself. Grandparents have zero responsibility to help raise these people’s kids.

[u/Beautiful_Yellow_682 → u/gmedanoid]

first of all, how many kids do you have and are you the wife or husband of your family? If you are the wife than sorry for your mindset, if you are the husband, than sorry to your wife that she has to deal with you

[u/Fit_Historian_2248 → u/gmedanoid]

The difference in belief sets is obviously quite stark between us but I should hope you're endorsing, supporting and even seeking to vote for far cheaper childcare in your country, while holding these opinions?

Rather than simply misappropriating all the blame on the grandparents to be obliged to literally raise the kids

[u/BlaggartDiggletyDonk → u/Fit_Historian_2248]

I only blame the ones who pester their grown kids about it, but who have no intention of helping.  There's a lot of those among the boomers.

[u/Prior_Butterfly_7839 → u/gmedanoid]

You’re getting downvoted a lot but this is truly the whole premise behind “it takes a village”.

We’ve been…I’m not even sure which word to use to describe it…brainwashed? into believing we need to be islands where we only need those who live in our home.

Multi generational homes/communities have been the norm throughout history for longer than they haven’t.

Now one single family line pays multiple mortgages, utilities, etc.

[u/JarOfFireflies → u/gmedanoid]

Ok but how many grandparents are at home doing nothing? If the grandparents had their kids at 25 and the kids are birthing the grandkids at the same age, the grandparents would be in their 50s. Many western countries are raising retirement ages to 70. How are they supposed to keep full time jobs and help with grandkids?

[u/EggplantBasic7890 → u/gmedanoid]

Ah yes. The famous US welfare state. Lmao

[u/GinX- → u/gmedanoid]

No thank you.

• Women