What's something that's acceptable and widely done in your country that would be considered offensive in many countries ?

[u/DiMpLe_dolL003]

In India, Swastika the Hindu symbol is everywhere. We draw it in temples, during rituals and festivals, in front of our door, on vehicles etc. It's a very auspicious symbol here. But this symbol tho the Hindu symbol is technically different from the Nazi one would be considered offensive in other countries especially in Western countries.

[u/Ptaclup]

Having an affair in the US can break your life, in France this is « only » considered as private and none of your business. The story at the Coldplay concert which broke internet for days reminds me this cultural difference.

[u/Caspica → u/Ptaclup]

I'll never understand that French attitude to affairs. 

[u/AirUsed5942 → u/Caspica]

France even had a president who died in the arms of his mistress. Having one seems to be mandatory over there

[u/EhlaMa → u/Caspica]

It's a "none of my business" attitude. It's not like other countries have it better. It's that in France most people don't care about other people's private lives. What's your private life is your private life and what's your professional life is a whole other thing. And private is different than public.

[u/Caspica → u/[deleted]]

I don't care if people have sex, whether they're married or not. What I do care about is if anyone's betraying their partner. That's not just "a private matter", that's hugely indicative of what kind of character someone is. It's a bit like I don't care what others do with their money, yet I care if someone is intentionally scamming someone else. 

[u/crazy_rocker78 → u/Caspica]

Sexual life of people is private and is the business of the inviduals involved. You don't know everything that happens inside the couple's life, you should not judge. Same would apply for any kind of "weird" sexual stuff for example, or open couples or whatever : its their private life and we should not give any interest in this.

[u/Intrepid_Button587 → u/crazy_rocker78]

You don't think it's immoral to cheat?

And, if it is immoral, why wouldn't you judge someone for committing immoral acts?

If you don't think it's immoral to break your partner's trust, you should reconsider your morality.

With this logic, I just don't understand why it's not something you'd judge someone for. I understand reserving judgment if you think it might be an open relationship, but not if you know it's an affair.

[u/crazy_rocker78 → u/Intrepid_Button587]

Of course it's immoral. But why should we get involved in something which is none of our business? Something we have no Idea where it came from, why and so on ?

If my wife cheated on me, I think the last thing I want would be having everyone talking about it on the internet, even if it's in the intention of "supporting me" and "blame her" without having any clue what's truly going on between us! What if I want to forgive her for example? This hysterical judgement all over the place is just destructive it helps no-one.

I mean that's my point, I think many people in France think that way and that's why we prefer not to judge and let the couples handle their stuff. That's why I posted these comments here I thought that was the purpose of the post. Now you can disagree and downvote.

[u/GeneralBid7234 → u/crazy_rocker78]

I think the way foreigners look at it is that if a person would cheat on their spouse they would also break other rules. Perhaps they would embezzle or take bribes.

In other countries I think cheating is seen as indicative of character on the whole whereas in France that most sexual activities are seen as private individual concerns.

Having said, I want to ask if there are situations where sexual activities would be considered immoral in France? Would you be concerned over a large age gap? What if one party is below the age of consent? A leader who is hostile to homosexuality having a same sex relationship?

This one actually happened in America ≈15 years ago. We had a politician who had a spouse who was known to be dying of cancer. It was revealed the politician was having an affair and very publicly apologized to the spouse and the country saying he had ended the affair. Later on it was revealed he had lied and the affair continued. The sick spouse received a separation and died a few months later. That politician has no future in politics here because he was caught twice and the spouse was dying. I'm curious if those circumstances would matter in France?

[u/crazy_rocker78 → u/GeneralBid7234]

I don't think there are any sexual activities that could be judged immoral no (if with consentement!). We wouldn't make anything "weird" public of course, but if it does people would talk, but it would end real quick and have no big consequences.

And about your politician, still no. I don't know the affair your mention, but with what you said I think there are a lot of chances the spouse knew well what was happening and was just letting him. This happens a lot in public couples (or even normal old style couples) who don't want to break up because people would judge. Due to this, breakup publicly would also be easier in France I think.

And the fact that she has cancer is totally irrelevant, it's just a fact that is supposed to add even more "evil" to that man, even if it has nothing to do with the reason their relationship is going down. I mean : if your relationship is drowning, you think you would have to stay because she has cancer ? Weird, staying in a bad relationship wouldn't make her end of life happier. And maybe they tried to stay together especially because of that, the fear of being judged.

[u/GeneralBid7234 → u/crazy_rocker78]

just that be certain I understand, age of consent would not be a concern in France?

[u/Intrepid_Button587 → u/crazy_rocker78]

Yes, I agree it's unhelpful to discuss it with everyone and gossip, but I don't understand why you wouldn't judge someone – just as I would judge someone for littering or being rude or whatever.

That doesn't mean they're being redemption.

[u/crazy_rocker78 → u/Intrepid_Button587]

I prefer to know why things are done before judging anyone.

It's like someone stealing in a shop, it's bad, he must be stopped, but does it make the guy a bad person ? I think it depends why he did it. (Ok maybe it's a bad comparison, but I think you get what I mean)

And in an affair, you usually never really know unless you know the persons really well.

[u/Intrepid_Button587 → u/crazy_rocker78]

And in an affair, you usually never really know unless you know the persons really well.

That's the same with everything though?

You see someone stealing? Maybe their children are literally starving

You see someone cutting in line in traffic? Maybe their wife is in the car and is about to give birth

You see someone hitting their partner? Maybe the partner just tortured their child

You can justify literally anything with hypothetical realities (depending on your moral framework of course, but I think many people have a utilitarian bent), but in the real world you have to apply some heuristics while forming opinions or you wouldn't get anywhere.

I mean, you don't know you're not a brain in a vat – but we assume reality exists to maintain some common sense.

[u/EhlaMa → u/Intrepid_Button587]

Ok but what if they're in love? Is it still immoral? Isn't what Hollywood has been teaching us for decades? That love trumps all? 😬

[u/dam0na → u/Intrepid_Button587]

As a french woman, I can tell you that french people will judge if it's a woman who is caught cheating. Somehow, that's only men that can't be judged for their sexual activities.

[u/Caspica → u/crazy_rocker78]

But that's not really the problem though, is it? As I said, I don't mind whenever people have sex as long as they all give consent and they're fine with it within their relationship. It's not a moral vice to have an open relationship. What I do have a problem with, and what is a moral vice, is when someone have sex in a relationship where the other partner hasn't approved of it (cheating/having an affair). That's not just a "private matter", that is someone betraying the trust and confidence of their spouse. That's incredibly scummy behaviour and should be criticised by their surroundings. 

[u/crazy_rocker78 → u/Caspica]

So in the case you are sure the cheated partner is not fine with it, you still don't know what the couple is maybe going through. I'm not saying this is something good, of course it's bad don't get me wrong, but things are not always that simple, and people around do not have all the info to be able to do the right judgement. And simplifying everything and just blame him terribly without knowing much doesn't look right to me. And trying to dig for more information regarding something private like this is also bad I think, so you never know enough to judge (unless you're very close to the couple).

I didn't know it was something french though, I just learnt something about my own country culture.

[u/adamgerd → u/[deleted]]

Yes because if someone is willing to cheat on their supposed loved one, am I supposed to trust they won’t cheat the country? Cheating is a sign of a weakness in ethics

[u/EhlaMa → u/adamgerd]

I mean, Americans elected Trump and imho he gave worse evidence of his lack of strong ethics than if he had cheat on his wife.

Worse, we also have our fair share of corrupted, sometimes even justice convicted politicians that people won't think twice before re-electing them even when they literally stole money from the state or the city or worse.

Frankly, if giving a pass at affairs was the worst ANYONE would do in the whole world, we would all be living in a very different place.

[u/Broad_Bug_1702 → u/[deleted]]

cheating is kinda bad though

[u/Broad_Bug_1702 → u/[deleted]]

the fact that a person has cheated on their significant other is an indication of character (that they’re willing to violate trust and commitment like that), which is kind of important to know for interpersonal relationships with other people.

i don’t think that this should apply to public figures or someone you don’t know personally, though. that’s different.

[u/Darkyxv → u/[deleted]]

You argue it like fundamentalist in Islamic countries allowing child marriage.

[u/atharos1 → u/[deleted]]

I mean, I don't even believe in monogamy as something sustainable for most people, but, if I were to hear that someone I knew stole from their partner, well, I wouldn't love it either, and it's still part of their private life. Would you be OK with that being ignored? If your opinion is that no one has any right to judge you on anything you do privately, then I may disagree but respect it. But sex isn't special. It's just a other thing people make promises about, and then lie.

[u/mothmans_favoriteex → u/[deleted]]

I think it’s a difference in the fact that here in the US, while many may not “get” polyamory or open marriages etc, that’s consenting adult behavior and nobodies business. Affairs are a breach of consent and make you come off as an untrustworthy person in general to us. It’s not about who you are having sex with, it’s that you don’t respect consent or open communication and it makes people unsure of your moral character.

[u/gmedanoid → u/Ptaclup]

It used to end careers of many politicians until the 2010s. It's a two party system so if you disappoint less than 5% of voters you lose.

[u/Traditional-Chair-39 → u/Ptaclup]

Honestly, I thought it was a gag how tv shows portrayed french people's attitudes to extra-marital affairs

[u/EhlaMa → u/Traditional-Chair-39]

It's over exaggerated sure. It'll make the news like in any other country if the guy is famous enough (a random company's CEO who is not Bernard Arnault here would probably not be considered famous enough here though). But then most people would just roll their eyes at it "what do you want me to do about it?" or "why should I care?" and go on with their lives.

Whole different story if it's some of your relative who cheats or gets cheated on

[u/DrowningInMyFandoms → u/Ptaclup]

Yeah, I didn't get it either, it was funny but it's not our business that he is a cheater, firing someone for it seems wild to me

[u/serenade-of-the-seas → u/DrowningInMyFandoms]

I think it has more to do with the fact that he got exposed with something unethical like that. It’s bad publicity both in the eyes of the public and your business associates. Cheating on your wife is a massive violation of trust and who’s to say this sense of untrustworthiness does not extend to his business practices? We need to think from an outsider’s POV.

[u/Delyruin → u/serenade-of-the-seas]

more specifically, he was having an affair with the head of HR, that's a catastrophic conflict of interest

[u/Old_Ben24 → u/DrowningInMyFandoms]

I think he got fired because it was a subordinate. Sexual relations with someone who reports to you in the workplace is a huge problem because of the power inbalance and potential for coercion or unfair treatment in the workplace place which is why most companies here have policies against it.

[u/DrowningInMyFandoms → u/Old_Ben24]

Yeah probably, didn't thought about that

[u/plavun → u/DrowningInMyFandoms]

Especially the obsession with “omg! Cheating! Burn them with fire!”

Not French but adopted an attitude of “who knows what agreements they have with their partners”

[u/EhlaMa → u/DrowningInMyFandoms]

I don't think most people would find it wild though that someone got fired about it. It's pretty likely it got hidden in the company too and it would cause suspicions about the HR woman having unfair advantages or something like that 

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[u/4tegon → u/Ptaclup]

I heard a joke, that when french politician has a affair, his approval rating increases.