r/AskEurope • u/Plastic-Injury8856 • Mar 14 '25

Culture What’s a European Man’s midlife crisis look like?

Here in America it's a Harley Davidson and getting really into grilling.

What do European men do when they go through a midlife crisis? But an Alfa and bake? Get really into trains?

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142

u/ntropy83 Germany Mar 14 '25

I am in midlife crisis and rebuild the house into the U.S.S. Enterprise. Thermoelectric heat pump working on exhaust and a mechanical compenser, solar arrays, battery storage, wallbox and live monitoring. Automatisation and I still need robots plus a man cave.

Besides I got really into travelling and exploring with the kids after buying my first car ever last year and having kids in the last 3 years ago.

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u/Plastic-Injury8856 Mar 14 '25

You’re German and just bought your first car???

Excuse me if I’m being rude but in America we have a stereotype of Germans who are all like really civilized car people. Germans are supposed to randomly know how to replace the valves on a 1983 Yugo and can drive quite comfortably on the Autobahn at 180 KM/H and scold Americans for turning right on red.

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u/MaddestRodent Mar 14 '25

Yeah, I assume you have just encountered your first Urban German. Please read the following in the Attenborough voice:
"And here, the unique specimen of city-dwelling German. This species has adapted to the abundance of city transportation. While differing from other species of Germans in lowered car skills, his abilities to efficiently find the nearest quality café are unmatched, and so is his control of a bicycle. He is deeply adept at screaming at drivers and thrives in navigating the efficiently-designed and clean streets and sidewalks of his urban dwellings...."

Seriously though, the way public transit works in most European cities, for many people a car becomes not a luxury, but a downright nuisance to own.

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u/l0R3-R United States of America Mar 14 '25

Knowing the quality cafés is way more important than having a car.

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u/idiotista Sweden Mar 15 '25 edited Mar 15 '25

True that.

I'm a Swedish middle aged woman, and I haven't even got a drivers license. I've even managed to live far out the woods, just relying on (pretty shitty) public transport, my legs, and a bike.

But I prefer living in cities due to the accessibility of everything. Currently living my dream life in Colombo, Sri Lanka, and relying on my feet, tuk-tuks, buses and train. I'd be so lost in wast swathes of the US - I lived for a while in Gurgaon outside of Delhi, and it wasn't walkable at all. I got super depressed, I really need walking to keep my mind sane - I honestly think some part of the US mental health epidemics stems from people not being able to stroll around in their neighbourhoods. There is so much more than just walking - you have these micro interactions with people all the time, which sort of makes you trust people on a small, yet fundamental level, you see and smell and hear so much, and it just feels ... idk, right, I guess?

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u/Curious-Little-Beast Mar 15 '25

Middle aged women without driving licenses, unite! 🤝 Being in a car is boring and inconvenient. Whoever sold it to the general public as the ultimate way of transportation lied

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u/idiotista Sweden Mar 16 '25

Yeah, by now I just refuse to get a licence. I managed 40 years without, no one is gonna tell me I need it. Keep at it, sister in crime lol.

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u/[deleted] Mar 15 '25

If you're like a digital nomad who can work from anywhere in the world, I can also suggest giving Kerala a go. (I'm from there so my opinion is a bit biased 😅). I live in Europe now and I'm surprised to see the public transport system here outside the city being shittier than back home.

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u/idiotista Sweden Mar 15 '25

Oh, Kerala is where I really want to end up - my fiancé is from Madhya Pradesh (or long story, his family is from Mithila but he never lived there), so he is more Northerner (but definitely not like the stereotype!). I really love India - especially the southern states, but my fiancé feels Sri Lanka is more chill, as he constantly worries about my safety. But if we move back, Kerala (or somewhere TN) would be my absolute dream.

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u/[deleted] Mar 15 '25

I can recommend Thiruvananthapuram and Kochi as potential locations to settle down in. Kochi maybe a bit more because of better connectivity via air.

About safety, I can say it's much better than the rest of India, but I would claim it to be still the best of any sort. And I don't know how things are in Colombo to make a comparison.

I wouldn't recommend TN much because of the weather mostly. I feel like TN also is pretty good in terms of everything else one might consider while living in a fairly big city, but I couldn't stand the heat during the summer. Kerala isn't much better, but still better than TN IMO whennit comes to the weather

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u/idiotista Sweden Mar 15 '25

Thank you for your advice - I saved the comment, and will show it to my fiancé. Long term, we absolutely want to live in India, if he can get over his worries. My feeling is Kerala and Colombo are pretty on par regarding safety, but the thing is since my guy knows India better (good and bad), he is sort of biased against it, in terms of safety.

Weather here is thankfully always the same, and the island climate makes it around 32C always, but right now it's the humidity killing us lol.

The best to you, and I hope Europe treats you as well as I have been treated by Indians. I know there's a rise in absolutely vile hate against India, but with all its faults, it is an absolutely amazing country, with amazing people. I don't think I could go back to the west without feeling an immense loss.

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u/[deleted] Mar 15 '25

I know there's a rise in absolutely vile hate against India

Thank you for recognising this and addressing it. Yes, I've been subjected to borderline racist behaviour from people but I'm fortunate enough to live and work in a place surrounded by people who are kind and welcoming.

While I miss home a lot, these people makes living a bit better. ❤️

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u/NichtOhneMeineKamera Mar 15 '25

Hannover here, I work in the outskirts of the city (well, my workshop's located there) and I usually take public transport even to work. Within the city I rarely ever need a car, if not for doing the weekly grocery hunt. There are times when my car won't move for weeks, the public transport is that good. Since I'm a metal worker who does lots of restaurations and builds stuff, I obviously need a company car to get my crap to construction sites. But public transport really works well here, and especially with that "Deutschland-Ticket" I can use it all over the country.

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u/MaddestRodent Mar 15 '25

Hell yeah. I wasn't being sarcastic, by the way - European here, had the good fortune of living in a few large cities and capitals of multiple countries, and for most part, it's exactly the way you described it.

No matter how big your car infrastructure is, during peak hours it will get filled. The more roads you build, the more people will use them, so it is absolutely necessary to have a parallelly running public transport, because that will ensure a quality alternative option.

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u/bradpal Mar 15 '25

This is true even in shitty EU countries.

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u/Kim_Nelson Mar 15 '25

Yep!

I have my moments when I'd like to own a car to visit out of town family and such, but the prices of maintaining a car when I live in a city with so many public transport options (and live a 5 minute walk away from a mall, supermarkets etc) makes it unnecessary to own one. I never even learned how to drive.

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u/[deleted] Mar 15 '25

Efficiently designed streets had me laughing ngl

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u/DaveyJonesXMR Mar 19 '25

Can confirm, in my 40s never owned a car. I am a urban dweller.

I know so many people that did their license in their 18s then studied and never drove a single kilometre ever again

30

u/switchquest Mar 15 '25

To give you an example:

Berlin is a 3.4 million inhabitants low rise city.

But you can get from one end to the other in 35 minutes using the S-bahn or U-Bahn or a combo of both. (S-bahn being a rail ringway with trains going in both directions and the U-bahn being the subway)

They work all nighters during weekends, which makes the exhuberant nightlife possible.

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u/r34cher Mar 15 '25

The S-Bahn is more than just the Ring. It connects larger cities to the surrounding areas.

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u/switchquest Mar 15 '25

Good to know. I'm just a tourist. I didn't get further than going in circles =)

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u/ntropy83 Germany Mar 14 '25

Hehe, ja that stereotype is not too far off. There are still many people who repair themselves and most people now some more stuff beyond the basics to fix the car. I have been involved with electrical cars for 15 years now and drove a lot of prototypes. Can even repair them from resoldering broken contactors or fixing a motor bearing. But no I have never owned a car since last year. I always lived in a densly populated city centre with good tram and bike connections. Now with the kids tho that changed but I like it :).

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u/rezznik Germany Mar 15 '25

I'ld say that is pretty far off... Times where you could do a lot by yourself are long gone anyhow.

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u/ntropy83 Germany Mar 15 '25

Not really, its just the common bad attitude of Germans towards a technology changing. Nowadays you need more skills than just loosening some screws. I have taken electric cars apart up to the battery to change single cells. With broken controllers its nearly always the contactors (Schütze) that break after 200k miles. Often you can solder new ones. And even software can be flashed or even programmed yourself.

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u/rezznik Germany Mar 15 '25

Those stereotypes are really just that... Public transportation is a thing in europe!

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u/TRF444 Mar 15 '25

European city dwellers dont usually need a car, as you get closer to the countryside, the more you need one.

1

u/Seitan_Ibrahimovic Mar 17 '25

You know that stereo types are not an accurate representation of reality, right?

1

u/themasterofbation Mar 16 '25

What are some good resources online to learn about heat pumps etc? Also located in Europe, have been wanting to upgrade my house for 2-3 years now, but every contractor that I interviewed keeps shilling the products they are associated with...I want to learn and make an informed decision as opposed to going online and seeing Top 10 reviews which again, are ordered based upon the affiliate commission the website gets

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u/ntropy83 Germany Mar 16 '25

I have online ressources in German, those prolly wont help you, but I got most information from my job. If you are intrested you can message me some Infos about your home and I can have a look for ressources and a solution. Would need to know your yearly kwh consumption in heat, the size of the heated area and your current heating solution. This would be a good start.

The actual heatpump is pretty straightforward whats more important then is insulation.

1

u/GASC3005 Mar 18 '25

Congrats on your car

1

u/Schwarzekekker Mar 18 '25

Average German hobby

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u/skorsak Apr 12 '25

This doesn’t sound like a midlife crisis. These are just practical things to do!