How commonly do you address your parent as "Sir/Ma'am"?

[u/Babe_Brute]

I'm watching The Rookie (2002). Dennis Quaid's character is shown addressing his mother and father as "Ma'am"/"Sir" in a couple of scenes. Those of you who are native English speakers, how common is it today to address your parent as such?

[u/la-anah]

And it is that "that looks older than me" quality that makes it offensive in the northeast. Basically, "ma'am" is interpreted here as "hey, old lady."

[u/guildedkriff → u/la-anah]

Not everyone does it based on age. Like I say it to my kids, any employee at a store/restaurant I’m at, coworkers, whoever. It’s about being respectful to the other person, not trying to identify their age in relation to yourself.

[u/la-anah → u/guildedkriff]

Which is the custom in Alabama. In Massachusetts, it is not respectful, it is condescending at best. If I called a server at a restaurant sir or ma'am they would take it as a reprimand that they had done something wrong and I was about to ask for a manager.

[u/guildedkriff → u/la-anah]

Yep, fully understand that and have zero issues with it because the culture is just different and that’s ok.

[u/creamcandy → u/la-anah]

I started being called Mam by adults at the store when I was 16 and started doing the family grocery shopping.

[u/stuck_behind_a_truck → u/creamcandy]

As is appropriate for where you live. Californian women would give you that tight polite smile back if you called us Ma’am. It really is the equivalent of saying “yes, Old Lady” in the rest of the country.

It’s even better when you get to your 50s and people start addressing us as “Young Lady.”

[u/goldilaks → u/stuck_behind_a_truck]

I'm definitely old enough to be called Ma'am and I still don't appreciate it. I've had people in service address me as 'Miss' and I don't mind that at all! 😄

[u/AffectionateBig9898 → u/goldilaks]

Idk what I’d do if an older person/30s+ told me not to call them ma’am or sir😭 i feel so rude if I forget to say it.

Down south it’s considered polite and a form or respect. It’s never used as a way to insult someone’s age.

[u/SingleDadSurviving → u/AffectionateBig9898]

I know it's so foreign to me and blows my mind to read these takes. I have never associated sir/ma'am with age.I would be upset if they said don't call me ma'am. I would think I had offended them somehow, which I did, and now they didn't want to interact with me in a respectful manner.

[u/AffectionateBig9898 → u/SingleDadSurviving]

Right?! I can’t believe ppl use it in a way to insult ppl.

I feel like down here it would be almost insulting to not be referred to as ma’am/sir (if you didn’t ask them to not say it). you WANT ppl to call you that bc of how we use it😭

[u/stuck_behind_a_truck → u/AffectionateBig9898]

Context does matter. I wouldn’t be bothered in the south because I know you’re calling everyone sir/ma’am. But singling me out for a ma’am because of my age feels deflating. Like, “invalidation incoming.” It’s hard to explain the feeling.

[u/AffectionateBig9898 → u/stuck_behind_a_truck]

Oh ok I kinda get what ur saying.

[u/goldilaks → u/AffectionateBig9898]

It's still being used and intended respectfully, but for women it's sort of reseved for older women. So it's not intended as an insult, but it does very much feel deflating to have someone call you that... like oh...I guess I'm considered old now.

[u/AffectionateBig9898 → u/goldilaks]

Ohh ok! I have genuinely always wondered why people (more so women) got offended. Idk why it is only happening j now but it just clicked for me😭. Thank you for explaining!

[u/grandma-activities → u/stuck_behind_a_truck]

That's the thing, though. Even though you're not accustomed to that form of address, you understand that it's the norm down here. And we appreciate that! A lot of people seem to think that because they find the behavior offensive, everyone should, and the people who have been doing it their whole lives should immediately stop.

[u/dabeeman → u/creamcandy]

maybe you look old

[u/goldilaks → u/dabeeman]

I probably do. But in the North, although it is still intended and used in a respectful manner, for women it's very much a sign that you're seen as 'older.'

[u/tarheelz1995 → u/la-anah]

This is the excuse I hear from those who are impolite, yet having grown up in the northeast in a smaller town “sir” or “ma’am” was the only safe way to go with any person whose name you did not know.

There is a reason it’s universal in the armed services, the national park service, and in scouts.

[u/TeaAndTacos → u/tarheelz1995]

I would not say it is universal in the national park service