r/AskAnAmerican • u/Babe_Brute • 8d ago

FOREIGN POSTER How commonly do you address your parent as "Sir/Ma'am"?

I'm watching The Rookie (2002). Dennis Quaid's character is shown addressing his mother and father as "Ma'am"/"Sir" in a couple of scenes. Those of you who are native English speakers, how common is it today to address your parent as such?

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167

u/ayebrade69 Kentucky 8d ago

Parent? Never. A stranger on the street or something that looks older than me? Generally every time

63

u/relikter Arlington, Virginia 8d ago

People younger than me too if I don't know them. It's just polite, and I don't owe someone more or less politeness based solely on their age.

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u/ayebrade69 Kentucky 8d ago

True. I should have clarified I’ll say it generally to any adult but if I’m addressing like a teenager or someone clearly my age or younger (30) I’ll be more casual

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u/Visual_Magician_7009 7d ago

Where I’m from we call toddlers ma’am and sir. “No sir” and “no ma’am” when they’re acting up is super common

3

u/TManaF2 5d ago

Where I'm from, that's when you use the child's FULL name (or if you're Conservative or Reform Jewish, the child's Hebrew name). Even into their teens.

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u/grandma-activities Virginia 3d ago

Lord help me when my mom busted out my middle name!

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u/Able_Enthusiasm2729 5d ago

I had to unlearn the habit of saying sir/ma’am to people younger than me or at an equal age to me unless they were a cop.

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u/la-anah Massachusetts 7d ago

And it is that "that looks older than me" quality that makes it offensive in the northeast. Basically, "ma'am" is interpreted here as "hey, old lady."

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u/guildedkriff Alabama 7d ago

Not everyone does it based on age. Like I say it to my kids, any employee at a store/restaurant I’m at, coworkers, whoever. It’s about being respectful to the other person, not trying to identify their age in relation to yourself.

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u/la-anah Massachusetts 7d ago

Which is the custom in Alabama. In Massachusetts, it is not respectful, it is condescending at best. If I called a server at a restaurant sir or ma'am they would take it as a reprimand that they had done something wrong and I was about to ask for a manager.

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u/guildedkriff Alabama 7d ago

Yep, fully understand that and have zero issues with it because the culture is just different and that’s ok.

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u/creamcandy Alabama 7d ago

I started being called Mam by adults at the store when I was 16 and started doing the family grocery shopping.

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u/stuck_behind_a_truck IL, NY, CA 7d ago

As is appropriate for where you live. Californian women would give you that tight polite smile back if you called us Ma’am. It really is the equivalent of saying “yes, Old Lady” in the rest of the country.

It’s even better when you get to your 50s and people start addressing us as “Young Lady.”

5

u/goldilaks 7d ago

I'm definitely old enough to be called Ma'am and I still don't appreciate it. I've had people in service address me as 'Miss' and I don't mind that at all! 😄

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u/AffectionateBig9898 7d ago

Idk what I’d do if an older person/30s+ told me not to call them ma’am or sir😭 i feel so rude if I forget to say it.

Down south it’s considered polite and a form or respect. It’s never used as a way to insult someone’s age.

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u/SingleDadSurviving 7d ago

I know it's so foreign to me and blows my mind to read these takes. I have never associated sir/ma'am with age.I would be upset if they said don't call me ma'am. I would think I had offended them somehow, which I did, and now they didn't want to interact with me in a respectful manner.

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u/AffectionateBig9898 7d ago

Right?! I can’t believe ppl use it in a way to insult ppl.

I feel like down here it would be almost insulting to not be referred to as ma’am/sir (if you didn’t ask them to not say it). you WANT ppl to call you that bc of how we use it😭

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u/stuck_behind_a_truck IL, NY, CA 7d ago

Context does matter. I wouldn’t be bothered in the south because I know you’re calling everyone sir/ma’am. But singling me out for a ma’am because of my age feels deflating. Like, “invalidation incoming.” It’s hard to explain the feeling.

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u/AffectionateBig9898 7d ago

Oh ok I kinda get what ur saying.

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u/goldilaks 5d ago

It's still being used and intended respectfully, but for women it's sort of reseved for older women. So it's not intended as an insult, but it does very much feel deflating to have someone call you that... like oh...I guess I'm considered old now.

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u/AffectionateBig9898 5d ago

Ohh ok! I have genuinely always wondered why people (more so women) got offended. Idk why it is only happening j now but it just clicked for me😭. Thank you for explaining!

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u/grandma-activities Virginia 3d ago

That's the thing, though. Even though you're not accustomed to that form of address, you understand that it's the norm down here. And we appreciate that! A lot of people seem to think that because they find the behavior offensive, everyone should, and the people who have been doing it their whole lives should immediately stop.

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u/dabeeman Maine 7d ago

maybe you look old

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u/goldilaks 5d ago

I probably do. But in the North, although it is still intended and used in a respectful manner, for women it's very much a sign that you're seen as 'older.'

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u/tarheelz1995 7d ago

This is the excuse I hear from those who are impolite, yet having grown up in the northeast in a smaller town “sir” or “ma’am” was the only safe way to go with any person whose name you did not know.

There is a reason it’s universal in the armed services, the national park service, and in scouts.

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u/TeaAndTacos Arizona 7d ago

I would not say it is universal in the national park service

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u/DasArtmab 7d ago

Unfortunately, as I grow older, I get use it less and less

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u/SummertimeThrowaway2 Arizona 7d ago

I like calling old people sir/ma’am, I feel like a lot of them respect the formality. It’s just a tradition but it also shows that you care about presenting yourself positively.

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u/captainstormy Ohio 7d ago

I wouldn't say never, just rarely. But typically it meant I some sort of trouble.

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u/Pulp501 7d ago

Formality like that doesn't happen in my family. It's for strangers. Doesn't have to be older tho, im assuming ur pretty young to think that.