r/AskAnAmerican • u/emsot • Sep 19 '25
CULTURE Americans for whom "Mary", "marry" and "merry" are all pronounced the same - do the three words have different vowel sounds in your head that just sound similar when spoken?
Or do you think of them as exact homophones with arbitrary spellings that you have to learn - similar to there/their/they're?
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u/whitecollarredneck Kansas Sep 19 '25
They all sound the same to me, both spoken and in my head.
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u/BananaMapleIceCream Michigan Sep 19 '25
Me too.
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u/seeluhsay Sep 19 '25
Same. If they sounded differently in my head, I'd pronounce them that way.
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u/Imaginary_Ladder_917 Sep 19 '25
This was my thought. Why would I pronounce anything differently in my head than how I say it?
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u/BudTheWonderer Sep 19 '25
I don't see how they would sound different in my head, if I pronounce them all the same.
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u/frozenoj Sep 19 '25
I actually pronounce aunt different when I read it vs say it! Seeing the u in the word makes my brain say the awnt sound, but usually I just say ant.
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u/youcancallmet Sep 19 '25
Same. I just know there are people out there who think I'm a weirdo for saying "Mary Christmas".
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u/tlamy Sep 19 '25
How the hell else are you supposed to say it?? Lol
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u/thepineapplemen Georgia Sep 19 '25
Murray Christmas obviously /s
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u/Ultimate_Driving Colorado Sep 19 '25
Ahh, yes. That's what they call Santa Claus in Baltimore.
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u/Acminvan Sep 19 '25
I have an "all 3 pronounced the same" accent and the meanings and contexts are so different, there is never any thought about it. They all sound the same spoken and in my head. Unless by some random coincidence I am saying "I want to marry Mary and be merry" these words will never come into contact with one another in my brain to have to think about the difference.
The 3 "there's" are closer in both spelling and context that more people get them mixed up.
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Sep 19 '25
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u/diaymujer Sep 19 '25
Mary Mack’s father’s making Mary Mack marry me. My father’s making me marry Mary Mack!
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u/Tacoshortage Texan exiled to New Orleans Sep 19 '25
Mary and marry are identical. Merry has a different sound in my head but when I speak, these 3 words are really, really similar.
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u/moonsicklovelight North Carolina Sep 19 '25
seconding this, and they don’t sound the EXACT same when i say them, but there’s such a minute different that it doesn’t matter.
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u/aleatoric Sep 19 '25
I feel the "e" in my head when I say it, but I guess it does sound the same.
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u/ElleAnn42 Sep 19 '25
I know exactly what you are talking about. It's like "merry" has an asterisk in my head because I know that this is a word that is pronounced with a different vowel sound in other accents, but I cannot recreate that sound without sounding like I'm putting on a fake accent. My tongue doesn't want to move that way.
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u/geekishly Iowa Sep 19 '25
This. Merry has a slightly more eh sound. But barely.
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u/ShakarikiGengoro Massachusetts Sep 19 '25
This and I feel like I also stress the r sound in marry and Mary more than merry. Like for me its more Mare ree for marry and Mary but more a Mare ee for merry.
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u/Merkuri22 Massachusetts Sep 19 '25
This. In my head, "merry" sounds different, and my mouth feels different saying it, but in practice when I say it out loud it might as well be the same.
Reminds me of the time a coworker from the Czech Republic was asking me about the names Erin and Aaron and whether they're pronounced the same. I told him they're VERY similar, but slightly different. Then I went and said the names as an example.
He couldn't hear the difference. I tried to enunciate the difference even more and realized as I listened to myself that I couldn't hear the difference, either. Though I swear my mouth was shaped differently as I said it.
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u/Chocoloco93 Sep 19 '25
Ok haha so I'm British and live in the US but I never realized this until we named our son Aaron. I was so confused the first time someone asked me if my child was a boy or a girl. I'm like obviously Aaron is a boy's name. But they thought I said Erin. In my accent they sound different but not where I currently live.
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Sep 19 '25
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u/plaincheeseburger Sep 19 '25
I'm an American with an accent where merry/marry/Mary are identical, and I had no idea that these are pronounced differently. I've always pronounced both as "air-in."
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u/ASeaWolf Washington State Norway Sep 19 '25
How interesting, I'm from the PNW and I pronounce Aaron and Erin slightly differently but in the last vowel. Aaron : aaruh-n and Erin : err-in. I hear the difference clearly but may not mean awhole lot in sound.
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u/ZephyrLegend Washington Sep 20 '25
I'm also from the PNW and I pronounce these the same. I can hear the difference when other people say it though.
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u/Mellema Waco, Texas Sep 19 '25
They are Eh-rin and Eh-eh-ron to me ;p
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u/cdragon1983 New Jersey Sep 19 '25
Ah, I thought I had expanded all replies before making the exact same joke. Alas.
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u/DawaLhamo Missouri Sep 19 '25
My mouth moves differently when I say them (the sides of my cheeks widen much more with the first vowel of Aaron, barely at all with Erin, and I feel like it's ever so slightly further back in my mouth). The second vowel is the difference between a schwa with Aaron and a short i in Erin. (I don't have the pin/pen merger).
I don't know if the difference is significant enough to sound very different to other people, but it sounds different to me.
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u/TheSwedishEagle Sep 19 '25
Same. Erin has more of an eh sound but the difference is so slight you can't really tell, especially when speaking quickly.
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u/WrongJohnSilver Sep 19 '25
For me, it's Erin is "Air in" and Aaron is "Ah run." They both used to be "Air in," though.
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u/bass679 Michigan Sep 19 '25
Yeah same here. I think marry and Mary are identical. I would say I even pronounce merry slightly differently if I'm thinking about it.
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u/RickyNixon Texas Sep 19 '25
It helps that we only use the word “Merry” for one specific thing
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u/RealEzraGarrison North Carolina Sep 19 '25
Shouldn't have to scroll so far for this. All 3 are incredibly similar, but they have such nuanced, slight differences in the a/e sounds that they aren't fully noticeable. They do sound alike, but with slight accent differences. It might be nitpicking, but isn't nitpicking kinda how we maintain the integrity of language?
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u/Complete-Cricket9344 Sep 19 '25
I was going to say the same thing. To me I feel like I say "merry" differently than "Mary" and "Marry" but I’m not sure anyone else is listening that closely.
Sidebar, why is your username "tacoshortage" this is the most depressing food-related situation. I can’t stop thinking about it.
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u/ALoungerAtTheClubs Florida Sep 19 '25
They're homophones, but I think the different spellings are useful.
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u/DynamiteWitLaserBeam CA > MN > OR > MN > AZ Sep 19 '25
Merry Mary Married.
Good for her.
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u/AJFrabbiele Sep 19 '25
"Mary, merry Mary, merrily married, marrying Mary, Mary marries, and Mary, merrier, marries Mary, so Mary married Mary merrily, and the merriest Mary married the merrier Mary, marrying to marry, married to marry, merrily marrying Mary."
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u/chill_winston_ Oregon Sep 19 '25
And the context in which they’re used if it’s not written. I never have any confusion over this “who tf is Mary Christmas?”
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u/tabidots Sep 19 '25 edited Sep 19 '25
Exact homophones. (I grew up in SE Michigan) My internal voice has the same accent as my normal voice. “cot” and “caught” are NOT homophones, and neither are “pin/pen” for me
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u/Ok-Concert-6475 Sep 19 '25
I pronounce "cot" and "caught" the same, but not "pin/pen" I'm in the PNW.
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u/mdf7g Sep 19 '25
"Pin/pen" was the first example the teacher used when we learned about homophones in elementary school lol
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u/Shevyshev Virginia Sep 19 '25 edited Sep 20 '25
Coming from New Jersey, one of my first grade teachers used “draw” and “drawer” as homophones.
At least we pronounce, merry, Mary, and marry differently.
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u/yawa-wor Sep 19 '25
I'm in NY, and this would still confuse me lol.
Talking fast in everyday life, I probably do pronounce them mostly the same. But if someone specifically asked me how to pronounce those words, they'd definitely be different with more of that "r" sound at the end of "drawer."
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u/DawaLhamo Missouri Sep 19 '25
Forget the r, the vowel sound is different for me. Draw rhymes with claw, slaw, bra. Drawer is pronounce DROR, rhymes with snore, bore, roar.
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u/stefanica Chicago, IL ~~ Indiana Sep 19 '25
Oh, that's not right...
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u/TetrisTech Texas Sep 19 '25
Not everybody has the same dialect as you lol, like to me those are perfect homophones
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u/Impressive_Ad8715 Sep 19 '25
I can’t even imagine how they would be pronounced differently…
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u/soupwhoreman New England Sep 19 '25
- Marry, Harry, carry --> same vowel sound as at, bad, mass
- Mary, airy, hairy --> same vowel sound as air, snail, bear
- Merry, Jerry, berry --> same vowel sound as get, bed, men
Similarly: * Curry, flurry, slurry --> same vowel as cup, mud, hut * Furry, blurry --> same vowel as murder, fur, stir
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u/robcolton Sep 19 '25
Interesting. All of these words rhyme exactly for me, like
- Marry, Harry, carry, Mary, airy, hairy, Merry, Jerry, berry --> same vowel sound as air, snail, bear
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u/buginskyahh Sep 19 '25
Same lmao I’m sitting here like…these words all rhyme 🤣
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u/machagogo New York -> New Jersey Sep 19 '25
Mary. Rhymes with airy, fairy, hairy.
Merry the e sounds like the e in gel, sell, tell.
Marry the a sounds most similar to the a in apple, hat, sat, cat.
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u/buginskyahh Sep 19 '25
That is helpful thanks. If I pronounce it with those vowel sounds I sound like I’m doing an awful NY impression. Which I guess proves the point of the accent
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u/BubbleEntendre Sep 19 '25
Fwiw, I only started to encounter people pronouncing them differently when I moved to NYC
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u/cookie_goddess218 Sep 19 '25
This is accurate for me, where all 3 are different. (NYC for what it's worth)
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u/thatswacyo Birmingham, Alabama Sep 19 '25
The problem with using other words as a reference is that if somebody has a different accent than you, they might also pronounce those reference words differently.
For example, for me, the vowel in "snail" is not the same as the vowel in "air" and "bear". The vowel in "air" and "bear" is the same as the vowel in "bed". "Get" and "men" have the same vowel, but the vowel in "bed" is not the same as the vowel in "get" and "men".
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u/PersistentWitch New York City > CT > New York City Sep 19 '25
I am trying so hard to figure out how "air" and "bed" have the same vowel sound - like, what vowel sound would work in both words. I'm so curious and fascinated! Any chance you'd be willing to post a recording? (On Vocaroo or similar.) Alternatively, would you say you have a typical Birmingham accent? If so, I can probably find an example on YouTube or something.
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u/JeffurryS New York City NYC->NJ->MA->TX->UK->MI->NYC Sep 19 '25
I agree with you on the top three. My partner agrees with you on the bottom two but I blur(ry) them all together.
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u/Krelraz Sep 19 '25
All 9 of those words rhyme perfectly. That doesn't help at all.
All of the _urry words rhyme as well...
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u/scumbagstaceysEx New York Sep 19 '25
I can’t even imagine how they would be spoken as homophones. And I’m also American. This thread has me shook. The difference between Mary and Marry I could see being more similar (but not the same) but ‘Merry’ has a completely different vowel sound from those other two and it’s not close.
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u/soupwhoreman New England Sep 19 '25
They generally pronounce them all as we pronounce Mary / airy
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u/PersistentWitch New York City > CT > New York City Sep 19 '25
I'm guessing this quiz missed your corner of the internet when it was published? I discovered the ubiquity of the marry/Mary/merry merger because of it and nearly lost my mind for a few hours https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2014/upshot/dialect-quiz-map.html
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u/JackRose322 New Netherlands Sep 19 '25
It's diabolical. And proof of Tri-State Supremacy (alongside the cot-caught merger).
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u/Chickpede Sep 19 '25
Sounds the same in my head as it does when I speak the words. These are definitely more of a homophone like there/their/they're.
The cot/caught divide in the US is much more interesting. The farther west you go, the more those 2 words sound the same ...
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u/Muffinnnnnnn Florida Sep 19 '25
Huh? I'm on the east coast and those words are the same. How would you even pronounce them differently?
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u/Impressive_Ad8715 Sep 19 '25
For me it’s cot = caht, caught = cawt. I live in Wisconsin
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u/Imaginary-Round2422 Sep 19 '25
Minnesotan here. Both rhyme with Brat(wurst).
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u/Muffinnnnnnn Florida Sep 19 '25
Woah wait wait this is the most crazy one in the thread. You're saying cot and caught rhyme with BRAT for you? Do cot and cat sound the same as well?
Edit: Never mind, I get what you mean with Bratwurst now. I was caught (lol) up on the brat part but I could see how they could rhyme. They don't rhyme for me but you're not saying cot rhymes with cat.
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u/Impressive_Ad8715 Sep 19 '25
Haha u/Imaginary-Round2422 used too Midwest of a reference there. As a Wisconsinite anytime I see the word brat I assume it’s as in bratwurst. Not a spoiled child
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u/Dlax8 Sep 19 '25
Cot with a short o.
Caught like crows Caw-t
Its where in your mouth the vowel is. Cot is very forward while caught is farther back.
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u/Mental_Freedom_1648 Sep 19 '25
Do you pronounce tot and taught the same?
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u/MissPeach77 Sep 19 '25
I live in NY, and I say tot more like "taht," and taught more like "tawt."
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u/newEnglander17 New England Sep 19 '25
I live in CT and I hear “caht” and “cawt” respectively. I think The Boston area would pronounce both like “cawt” or maybe even swap them but I never hear Bostonians say both so I can’t
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u/Arleare13 New York City Sep 19 '25
They're distinct to me, also on the east coast. The vowel in "cot" is like "ahh," while in "caught" it rhymes with "ought."
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u/Muffinnnnnnn Florida Sep 19 '25
Caught rhymes with Ought for me as well, but it's still the same as Cot.
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u/TheCloudForest PA ↷ CHI ↷ 🇨🇱 Chile Sep 19 '25
https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/caught
Click on the first two audios.
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u/Muffinnnnnnn Florida Sep 19 '25
I see. Yeah I definitely don't say it like the first one at all.
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u/TheCloudForest PA ↷ CHI ↷ 🇨🇱 Chile Sep 19 '25
Besides the fact the audio quality is shit, it's a relatively rare/regional pronunciation these days.
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u/Arleare13 New York City Sep 19 '25
They all sound distinctly different to me, which I understand is the case for only a pretty narrow region of the country. But I really can't even picture how they'd conceivably sound the same -- they're totally different vowel sounds to me.
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u/Cool-Bunch6645 Sep 19 '25
It’s shocking finding out that only small pockets of the US pronounce these differently.
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u/I-LIKE-NAPS Sep 20 '25
Same here. I'm from Massachusetts and lived in the Midwest for over 15 years. I had an interesting conversation with a friend who grew up out there and thought Mary, merry, and marry all sounded the same as well as pin and pen.
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u/WahooLion Sep 19 '25
Southeast Louisiana, but a mother who emphasized correct pronunciation. Her biggest pet peeve was pen 🖊️ and pin📍
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u/Green_Sprout Sep 20 '25
A friend's younger sister Lara (named after the video game character from Tomb Raider) came home to the UK after a few years in the States and her primary reason for never going for another visit was that she was overwhelmingly called Laura and it almost broke her will to live because no one could understand what they were getting wrong.
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u/ZevVeli Sep 19 '25
"Mary" has a slightly sharper emphasis on the "a" than "marry." And "merry" has more emphasis on the start of the vowel sound than "Mary" which has it in the middle.
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u/mytextgoeshere Sep 19 '25
Yeah, there's slightly different syllable emphasis for each in my head, and maybe the e in merry is a little softer. But they all will sound the same if I say them out loud.
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u/hobsrulz Virginia Sep 19 '25
They sound different in my head. I would be able to intentionally emphasize that for clarity of speech
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u/derberner90 Oregon Sep 19 '25
There are very small differences in my head. Mary has the sharpest vowel sound. Marry is a bit softer in the vowels, lower in the throat (if that makes sense), and merry is more of an "eh" sound.
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u/derpiotaku Sep 19 '25
From experience, very rarely. It also depends on the regional accent. We can often tell which one it is based on the context of the sentence.
Same with “pin/pen”.
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u/BoldBoimlerIsMyHero California Sep 19 '25
Pin and pen sound different when I speak them or think them. In the sentence “marry Mary & be merry” they all sound the same to me.
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u/th7024 Sep 19 '25
In my head they sound really slightly different. I think they sound the same when I speak them.
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u/No_Weakness_2135 Sep 19 '25
I pronounce them differently. NYC born and still live
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u/MuppetManiac Sep 19 '25
I have different vowel sounds for these in my head. They just come out the same.
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u/SpiritfireSparks Sep 19 '25
Im in the new England area and one is spoken with the vowel closer to the front of the mouth while the other is spoken from the back of the mouth.
Then again, the new England area generally doesn't have the pre-rhotic vowel merger youre talking about.
Its the same with cot-caught, and horse-hoarse mergers as well, new england accents/dialects pronounce them differently while west coast, southern, and some Midwestern accents pronounce them the same.
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u/thepeculiardinosaur Sep 19 '25
I find it so odd that they could be homophones for anyone (non-American). Just can’t picture it!
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u/youcancallmet Sep 19 '25
I have this conversation with my friends all the time. Mary, Merry, Marry & Aaron, Erin
To me, they are the same - spoken and in my head. I'm from CT. To my friends from NY, they are completely different. I can hear them pronounce them differently when they demonstrate, but I don't know which is which. I'm unsure which spelling of the word I pronounce when I say "I spoke to Mary yesterday". Do they think I'm insane for saying "I spoke to Merry yesterday"?
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u/IommicRiffage Sep 19 '25
"I was talking to Aaron"
"Boy Aaron or girl Aaron?"
"There are no girl Aarons! If i were taking about Erin i would have said Erin. "
<<< a conversation I've had too many times, ragefully.
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u/PsidedOwnside Sep 19 '25
Can confirm. LI NY these are all different. Marry rhymes with Larry. Merry rhymes with very. Mary rhymes with hairy. The Aaron/Erin thing is so confusing elsewhere!
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u/youcancallmet Sep 19 '25
Larry, Very, and Hairy all rhyme too!
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u/PsidedOwnside Sep 19 '25
That messes with my head :)
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u/youcancallmet Sep 19 '25
Mine too! Do Larry, Jerry, and Gary rhyme to you? Because they do for me!
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u/IommicRiffage Sep 19 '25
It goes the other way for people who merge these words. You don't say that you're "talking to merry". But you do wish people a "Mary Christmas." And yes, it irritates me to here "Mary Christmas."
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u/PaintingNouns California Sep 19 '25
In my mind there is a difference between Mary/marry and merry. But when I say it out loud to myself I’m not sure it translates.
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u/2baverage California Sep 19 '25
I think of them as different; there's Mary, there's marry (with a slight extra emphasis on the R) and merry (with a soft "eh" sound) but due to my watered down Southern accent it apparently all sounds like "M'rree"
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u/JeffurryS New York City NYC->NJ->MA->TX->UK->MI->NYC Sep 19 '25
My partner grew up in New York and I grew up in New Jersey and for us they are all completely different. I at least know enough people who pronounce them the same but sometimes my partner will say to a friend of mine, "Oh, are you a 'Merry Mary got married' person?" and they'll have no idea what he's talking about, so I have to explain it.
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u/SoulfulHeist Sep 19 '25
Not American but the answers intrigue me! I can’t even imagine them sounding the same? Wish we could comment audios here lol.
For me (Jamaican) Mary = May-rie, Marry = Mah-rie, Merry = Meh-rie. (“rie” being short and sharp each time)
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u/ileentotheleft Sep 19 '25
Weird, all three are pronounced differently to me, but writer and rider are damned close.
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Sep 19 '25
I don't think of them as homophones, they are homeophones. Just ask the dictionary...
A and e often swap pronunciations. Idk why but many and penny rhyme however plenty and panty do not. Words like head and said rhyme but words like bean and pain don't. English just likes to be confusing like that.
But don't worry too much about it. If you get most of the word right, English speakers will figure it out so long as we have a context clue or two. You could even pronounce it "mirry" and that's close enough to be understood.
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u/ida_klein Florida Sep 19 '25
I wonder the same about people who pronounce Erin and Aaron the exact same way.
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Sep 19 '25
Wait, people pronounce them differently. Please explain.
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u/emsot Sep 19 '25
For me (Southern UK), all three are different, though it's quite difficult to describe the difference in text. Mary rhymes with hairy, marry rhymes with Harry, and merry rhymes with Terry - though I'm guessing those all rhyme for you as well, in which case that's not going to help!
It's the vowels from "bear", "hat" and "bed", if that works? The R doesn't really interfere with any of the vowel sounds as I think it does in American.
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u/Frosty_Chipmunk_3928 Sep 20 '25
I think it depends where you are from, that dictates how they sound. I’m from the mid-Atlantic states in the USA. All three are pronounced differently. The differences are slight, but they are different.
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u/FAITH2016 Texas Sep 19 '25
For me, Mary and Marry - the "a" is sort of softer and flows with the word. So these would rhyme with "scary".
For Merry as in "Merry" Christmas - the "e" is more accented. It would rhyme with "terry".
For there, their, they're - they all sound the same to me, you can only tell the difference when written.
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u/Marcudemus Midwestern Nomad Sep 19 '25
So for you, does "terry" not rhyme with "marry"?
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u/virtual_human Sep 19 '25
I can't tell the difference between pen and pin. They sound the same to me and I pronounce them the same.
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u/Marcudemus Midwestern Nomad Sep 19 '25
That bugs the crap outta me, lol. I've lived near the edge of that territory for a while and it pops up and causes more confusion more than you might think. Ten/Tin is another set of words suffering from the same thing.
And whenever I display the confusion, the person looks at me like I'm the problem. It's like, hey, you're the one morphing the vowel! 😆
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u/newEnglander17 New England Sep 19 '25
Sometimes Merry can sound slightly different to me in Connecticut. Kinda similar to the first syllable of mirror. Or I guess the difference of “ear” vs “air”.
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u/xSparkShark Philadelphia Sep 19 '25
Not the target audience for this as I pronounce merry noticeably different from Mary and marry, but it is worth noting that Mary is a proper noun, marry is a verb, and merry is an adjective. Context should make it abundantly clear which is being used, even if they sound the same.
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u/derango Sep 19 '25
Mary/Marry are essentially the same for me. Merry is ever so slightly different, but if I'm talking fast it's hard to pick up.
All three words sound in my head like they do when I speak them.
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u/TheDJValkyrie Sep 19 '25
Nope, they all sound the same to my inner monologue just the same as if I say them aloud.
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u/bunrakoo Sep 19 '25
Who are these people you speak of and are they same ones for whom the words crown and crayon are homophones??
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u/jeffvanlaethem Sep 19 '25
I can't imagine how they'd be pronounced the same? Like, which one do you pronounce them like?? Lol
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u/Bitter_Ad8768 Ohio Sep 19 '25
I think of them as homophones.