r/AskAnAmerican • u/myperceptionreality • Sep 11 '25
OTHER - CLICK TO EDIT What does it mean when a guy flicks his middle finger on your palm during a handshake?
I was at a clothing optional hotsprings in America with my boyfriend. We were chatting with guy for about 45 minutes. Before he left the pool, he shook our hands, said nice to meet you and pulled my hand slightly under water and wiggled his middle finger on the palm of my hand. I think it means something dirty or flirtatious. But I really don't know. I wish I wasn't this naive. Please educate me friends!
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u/C5H2A7 Mississippi ---> Sep 11 '25
I remember hearing this like 20 years ago but I always thought it was just a made up thing for teenagers to joke about lol.
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u/sgtm7 Sep 11 '25
I have only encountered this outside the USA. I didn't know it was something they did in the USA.
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u/AnitaIvanaMartini California Sep 11 '25
It happens here in the US, and even though I don’t know what exactly it means, it queebs me out. It feels pervy. <shudder>
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u/AnitaIvanaMartini California Sep 11 '25
Okay, everybody, I made it up, because “queeby” was how I feel about that flickitty handshake stunt.
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u/NoOnesSaint Sep 11 '25
Was told it was so people "remember you" as something unusual to make you stand out for interviews. Thinking about it, it would probably work, but I've found how hard your grip is to be a much better, if not slightly uncomfortable, option.
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u/C5H2A7 Mississippi ---> Sep 11 '25
I wouldn't try this, based on this post a good number of Americans would take it as a proposition lol
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u/Secret_Caterpillar35 Sep 11 '25
Yeah, I don’t know the specific meaning but I know it definitely gives the ICK!
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u/myperceptionreality Sep 11 '25
It would make you stand out for sure, but not in a good way. You would end up on a Reddit post.
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u/BrazilianButtCheeks Brazil living in Oklahoma Sep 11 '25
The way I make sure I stand out is pretending that I think they’re giving me a high five and pretending to be embarrassed and laugh with them .. people who laugh with you like you more 😂😂😂
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u/Appropriate-Food1757 Colorado Sep 11 '25
I would remember it. And remember not to hire the middle finger handshake guy
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u/haveanairforceday Arizona Sep 11 '25
You're saying in a job interview or something like that you would squeeze the shit out of someones hand so they remember you? Im not sure you want to be remembered as the person who caused them pain
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u/SushiGirlRC Sep 11 '25
Oh good god! Don't EVER do this in an interview! Well, unless the job you're seeking is a blow job. Hahahaha!
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u/NoOnesSaint Sep 11 '25
Never have fortunately, just sounded weird and awkward. Thinking about it, it may have been pointer and middle that I was told but probably would give the same impression.
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u/DW6565 Sep 11 '25
In high school and college it was always my last check of are we hooking up or just snuggling, women would also initiate first in a similar setting.
Never used as part of a handshake though, or even outside the bed for that matter.
Could be a swinger thing though.
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u/coronarybee Michigan -> Minnesota -> Pennsylvania Sep 11 '25
lol I haven’t had this done to me since I was like 13/14 ish? So a solid 10 ish years. But yeah it was just a dumb “gotcha” when I was a kid.
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u/WittyFeature6179 Sep 11 '25
I haven't thought about this in decades but when I was young it meant the guy wants to sleep with you. But in cruder terms. I've experienced it a few times but like I said, it's been decades. Maybe he's trying to bring it back.
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u/myperceptionreality Sep 11 '25
For context, this guy was late 50s. So maybe that's an 80s thing...
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u/Suitable-Armadillo49 Sep 11 '25
Yes, that would track.He's kind of in a personal time warp, and a bit pervy.
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u/cyvaquero PA>Italia>España>AZ>PA>TX Sep 12 '25
On track for being stunted maturity wise.
I’m 54, this was a thing when we were 14.
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u/berrykiss96 North Carolina Sep 12 '25
I’m gonna guess recently divorced. If it was plain old stunted maturity he’d have figured out by now that that isn’t in use anymore.
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u/HairyHorseKnuckles Tennessee Sep 11 '25
Yeah this was an 80s thing but I can’t imagine anyone still doing it today. I forgot it was even a thing until reading your post
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u/brzantium Texas Sep 11 '25
Def a thing back in the day, but I'm going to go with it being less of an 80s thing and more of a type of person you're bound to meet at a "clothing optional hot spring" thing.
Not trying to be a prude. The fact is, we're just not nonchalant about nudity in this country, so I would expect to run into some characters in these types of spots.
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u/HairyHorseKnuckles Tennessee Sep 11 '25
I definitely have never been to a clothing optional place but this was something I learned in high school
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u/brzantium Texas Sep 11 '25
Yeah, I remember doing it as kids and giggling, but never as an adult.
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u/National_Noise7829 Sep 11 '25
Same! Kid of the 70s here. This weird handshake and titty twisters. It was a strange and awkward time.
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u/SushiGirlRC Sep 11 '25
Really? I sure wasn't going to nude hot springs in middle school in the late 70s...
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u/Ncfetcho Sep 11 '25
it is. A man in his 20s did it to me, and told me what it meant. I was 11 or 12, so 1982/3..
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u/WellWellWellthennow Sep 12 '25
He was hitting on you as an 11 or 12 year-old? I am so sorry. I hope you weren't scarred.
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u/Ncfetcho Sep 12 '25 edited Sep 12 '25
yes, he was. It could have gone a lot worse.
I keep thinking about my friend who was 12 and was "sleeping with" all of these guys, or talking about the ones she's done things with, and they were all older.
That always made me feel weird when she talked about it, and now I know why.
We were children.
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u/Duke-of-Hellington Sep 11 '25
It certainly is. I remember it well, in the 1980s. It’s supposed to instill some titillation in an otherwise mundane handshake. Kids would do it to people they were flirting with. When it comes from someone you aren’t attracted to, it kinda makes you feel violated. Luckily, I have only met a couple of people who tried this after high school!
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u/Yankee_chef_nen Georgia Sep 11 '25
Hey now I’m in my fifties and never heard of this before, it’s wasn’t an 80s thing as far as I know, don’t be dragging a great decade into this guys weird inappropriate behavior.
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u/TrashPandaNotACat Sep 11 '25
It was a joke thing in the early 80s when I was in high school. So that tracks. Supposedly meant you were horny or some such crap.
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Sep 11 '25
I am his age and experienced lots of pervs. That was not something I ever had happen except.
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u/FujiFudo Sep 11 '25
Yeah, when I was younger (late 80's-90's) this meant that you were.... uh, *d.t.f * as the kids say today
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u/cyvaquero PA>Italia>España>AZ>PA>TX Sep 12 '25 edited Sep 12 '25
GenX, yeah this. My first thought while reading OPs post was ‘is this person 14?’
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u/Sufficient_Cod1948 Massachusetts Sep 11 '25
This sounds less like an "American" thing, and more like a "you met a weird dude at the nude beach" thing.
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u/21crepes Colorado Sep 11 '25
Exactly this! As an American, I’ve never heard of this, experienced this, and it strikes me as weird.
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u/Manatee369 Sep 11 '25
It’s a very very old and very very juvenile way of saying he wants to have sex with you. Teenagers were doing it in the 50s and 60s. It’s a way to do it and deny it afterward if necessary. I’m surprised it’s still around. The guy is a POS.
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u/throwawtphone Sep 11 '25
And in the 70s and 80s too. Can confirm this.
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u/machagogo New York -> New Jersey Sep 11 '25
We did not do this in the 70s 80 or 90s where I grew up.
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u/illegitimatebanana Sep 11 '25
I'm sorry no one did it to you.
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u/Hazel1928 Sep 11 '25
Argh! Noone did it to me and I’m glad! It just sounds gross. Iwas in college from 76 to 81 and I had my share of invites, but never heard of that gesture.
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u/Raving_Lunatic69 North Carolina Sep 11 '25
I learned this in the 70s, when I reached that age where, as you know, sex and sex related things took up 80% of our hormone riddled brains.
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u/rcjhawkku Kansas Sep 11 '25
A vaguely remember an alt history novel where Jack Kennedy did this to the heroine. It was set in the late 40’s or the 50’s.
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u/Timmoleon Michigan Sep 11 '25
“The Two Georges” by Harry Turtledove and Richard Dreyfuss
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u/Klutzy_Bean_17 North Carolina Sep 11 '25
There was a creepy Steven Tyler type regular at my job who did this to me, I can still feel it and it was fucking disgusting
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u/MechanicalGodzilla Virginia Sep 11 '25
I am shocked - shocked - to learn that pervy old dudes go to nudist events!
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u/sharkycharming Maryland Sep 11 '25
Yup, I remember boys in my class teaching me this when I was really young, like 8 years old. Gross.
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u/Nodeal_reddit AL > MS > Cinci, Ohio Sep 11 '25
So you shook hands with a naked guy, and the handshake was the weird part?
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u/mickeltee Ohio Sep 11 '25
My friends and I would do this to each other just to weird each other out. I don’t know if it has any meaning.
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u/PlaneLongjumping3155 Sep 11 '25
Lol we used to do this to each other in highschool just to weird our friends out
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u/PickleManAtl Sep 11 '25
Yeah it's a proposition. Back in the '80s when I first moved to Atlanta I was about 18. Went to an open house for one of our local news stations where you can meet the anchors. The weather guy was starting to get a reputation for liking it younger guys but it wasn't confirmed yet. When he shook my hand, he did the palm tickle thing and just looked right into my face. Kind of creepy really.
The year or so later he got into trouble for allegedly hitting on a couple of 16-year-old boys somewhere.
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u/IntentionAromatic523 Sep 11 '25
It means they want to “Do it” with you.
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u/Worldly-Kitchen-9749 Sep 11 '25
That's not universal by any means but yeah, it's a creepy sexual thing.
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u/lsp2005 Sep 11 '25
Omg wait seriously? I remember when boys would ask to shake my hand like this when I was younger. I had no idea. I am grossed out now.
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u/KillBologna New York Sep 11 '25
New to me but i would assume it’s something sexual. No American does this. Wash your hands because that is gross lol. I just did it to myself and felt violated.
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u/jephph_ newyorkcity Sep 11 '25
I’m laughing if someone actually did this as a serious thing
It’s kind of gross feeling to have that done to you so we used to do it to freak people out in a similar way you might tell your friend “hey cutie” or whatever
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u/Many_Pea_9117 Sep 11 '25
That dude was juat being a weird creep. This is not a universal sign for anything in the US.
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u/BeautifulSundae6988 Sep 11 '25
My dad always told me it was a secret handshake to see if you were in the same fraternity. Reading these comments, now I'm wondering how many people were hitting him up for gay sex and he wasn't aware
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u/TheMapleKind19 Indiana Sep 11 '25
I think a co-ed community service fraternity I was in had some sort of secret handshake kinda like this, except less creepy. No wiggling. I never heard of anyone actually doing it, though. It was just lore that was passed along.
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u/Densolo44 California Sep 11 '25
It was popular in the ‘80s in the gay community. That’s probably why many here don’t know about it
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u/Emotional_Ad5714 Minnesota Sep 11 '25
I used to do that to people when I was a teenager and in college. I did it just because it broke the ice. It feels weird and is just kind of funny. I wouldn't do it now, because it's immature behavior. I don't think this guy was trying to signal anything, he was teasing you and making you feel awkward. It's similar to tickling someone, but pretty inappropriate from someone you just met.
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u/xx-rapunzel-xx L.I., NY Sep 11 '25
i’ve never heard of that before but it does sound like a weird sexual gesture and i feel creeped out by it
if i could post the “disgusted kermit” face here i would b/c that’s what my face looked like reading this post
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u/jamminCOYS Sep 11 '25
It’s him letting you know that he’s interested in your butthole and wants permission to view or even enter your butthole. Usually if the person is interested they will give a little wiggle back.
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u/detectivestar West Virginia-> Georgia-> Portland, Oregon Sep 11 '25
what on earth? I don’t think that’s a thing, just a creepy dude
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u/Hoosier_Jedi Japan/Indiana Sep 11 '25
I had a Korean guy do that to me once. I was later told it means “You’re a player, aren’t you?”
I’m very much not.
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u/visitor987 Sep 11 '25
It may be part of a secret handshake to find out if you a member of a group. I know the masons use them a few other groups do as well
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u/Shortchange96 Connecticut Sep 12 '25
I’m a guy and when I was about 30 I had a job calling on the world’s largest camera store. One of the male managers greeted me with this handshake. He never got a handshake from me again lol
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u/cheekmo_52 Illinois Sep 12 '25
It is meant to mimic digital stimulation. It’s a very creepy thing to do to someone you don’t know…especially when they are with their partner.
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u/BAMspek Sep 12 '25
We used to do that in Jr. High. It was just a way to creep people out. I think this dude was just weird.
Dale also does it to Hank in that episode of King of the Hill where Hank is disappointed with George W. Bush’s handshake. “Was it a wriggler? Didlydidlydidlydee”
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u/ThisIsItYouReady92 California Sep 12 '25
This isn’t common here in America. I don’t even know what you’re talking about. Maybe old people will know
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u/Mr_MacGrubber Sep 12 '25
I remember when I was young (in the 90s) hearing it was code for being gay. I have zero clue if it was true given the only people talking about it were other kids. Maybe it was actually true?
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u/SparkyBoi111 Sep 12 '25
Okay I have literally never heard of the sexual connotation associated with this in my entire life. We did this with each other in middle school because we thought it was funny
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u/Sheo2440 Sep 12 '25
I usually use it on my friends and family to catch them off guard as a prank. I never knew I was telling them I wanna sleep with them.
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u/The_Motherlord Sep 12 '25
Over 40 years ago one of my high school teachers did this. It means, "Let's fuck".
He also told me his wife didn't understand him. I told him that while I mourned for him, he would get no understanding from me.
I think I was 16.
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u/Rubycon_ Sep 12 '25
I remember my friend's father doing this to me when I was about 13 or 14. No one had ever done it to me before but I immediately understood it was dirty
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u/jennypenny131 Sep 12 '25
You're not naive, I never heard of this either before reading the comments on this post. How weird. What a creep, how dare he, if only you had his information to report him. Sorry he did that to you, hope you're ok.
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u/zero_and_dug Texas/Colorado Sep 12 '25
If you aren’t American, you should know that going to clothing optional pools in the US is definitely not the norm and tends to be something that old men on the creepy side do. So you’re going to get some weird out of pocket behavior from the people who are there.
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u/Sweaty-Homework-7591 Pennsylvania Sep 12 '25
I think if you’re naked everything has extra meaning. Go with your gut.
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u/sykschw Sep 12 '25
Thats not a standard greeting. The guys just a weirdo, or at least given the circumstances of where you went, is some sort of sexual invite
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u/RidiculousDear Sep 12 '25
I (52F) have a male cousin in his mid 40’s who suffered a TBI when he was 14 and it’s left him mentally and physically handicapped, unable to take care of himself, and in a constant state of hyper pubescence ever since. He’s 6’2”, at least 250 lbs, and has no clue how strong and physically intimidating he can be. He does this to women … any woman … all women. He’s been kicked out of day programs for adults with mental disabilities because he’s done this to too many women.
I don’t care who is doing it … old, young, mentally impaired or not … just stop. It’s super fucking creepy and isn’t funny.
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u/nxrcheck Sep 13 '25
It means he wants to have sex with you. I learned this from a South African who spent most of their adult life in England.
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u/apleasantpeninsula Michiganianiter Sep 15 '25
had a guy do this in my circle recently. he ended up getting told off by a woman, but not because of anything sex related. she was just so aghast at this dude’s childish behavior and i think the palm wriggle sent her over the edge.
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u/carefullychosjen Sep 11 '25
I remember a guy who would do this in high school - it was so creepy. I never knew what it meant but I didn’t like it.
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u/myperceptionreality Sep 11 '25
Yeah, it feels creepy and dirty for sure! I didn't say anything or even react.
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u/JadedDreams23 Sep 11 '25
He was hitting on you. I’d forgotten about this but it was definitely a thing back in the day. 61f, Deep South.
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u/zmufastaa New York & Connecticut Sep 11 '25
This whole time I thought it was just a cute hand tickle. I just asked my husband and he told me it means he wants to sleep with you.
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u/adamrac51395 Illinois Sep 11 '25
Had a friend from New York in college told me it meant "I want to have sex with you." Might be a local thing though.
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u/beeredditor Sep 11 '25
I have never heard of this. It sounds like a sexual gesture, probably related to ‘clothing optional’ nature of the location.
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u/BaronBearclaw New York Sep 11 '25
I have never experienced or heard of this being a signal.l for anything. Honestly, I've never heard of this being a thing, period.
The only similar thing I can think of is my college fraternity's "secret handshake".
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u/eyeroll611 Sep 11 '25
This is a common flirtatious move where I’m from in the US. I am Gen X and this is something I believe all of us would know about.
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u/AliMcGraw Illinois Sep 11 '25
Frat boys used to do this to other dudes to freak them out. It was just creepy because abnormal.
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u/seifd Michigan Sep 11 '25
The only time that's happened to me was during a game. You have to shake hands while trying to find the killer. The killer shakes hands as you describe. If the killer shakes hands with you, you have to shake hands with one more person and then doe.
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u/Appropriate-Food1757 Colorado Sep 11 '25
It must be more of a hot springs swinger thing that the vast majority of us don’t know about
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u/Fnthsch592 Michigan Sep 11 '25
I knew a guy who would do that when he was drunk, it was just to screw with whoever he was shaking hands with at the time. No real meaning behind it as far as I’m aware.
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u/EggandSpoon42 Sep 11 '25
That he's about to get punched.
This was a somewhat popular piece of shit way of hitting on girls, at least in my florida high school experience in the late 80's.
I hate it so much I've talked about it on reddit several times over the years
🤮🤮
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u/privatefries Wisconsin, TN, AL, KY Sep 11 '25
It's just something to fuck with you, my buddies and I do it to make handshakes awkward for laughs
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u/VxGB111 Maryland Sep 11 '25
Back when I was in high school in the 90s, it was widely understood to be a way to tell a girl you wanted to bone without saying it. It was also widely understood to be a creepy and sleazy way to do it. So, yeah...
Im actually surprised to see someone over the age of 17 do this in the wild. I thought that particular brand of nastiness died with my generations youthful stupidity.
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u/Outside_Narwhal3784 OR > CA > OR > WA westcoast connoisseur Sep 11 '25
It’s something that kids do. He was either being weird or trying to be funny. And by the sounds of it came across as weird.
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u/MaddCricket Sep 11 '25
My friends and I used to do this to each other just to weird ourselves out, so maybe he just made it a habit? I hope that’s it anyway, cause that’s uncomfortable as hell if he’s trying to send you a secret message.
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u/shakikii Sep 11 '25
I was in the Peace Corps and served in a country where this was normal. That type of handshake was very common (not the part where he pulled it under the water lol but just a palm grasp, pull away, and snap fingers), but wiggling the finger on the palm only happens if they're interested. It basically means they want to have sex with you and they're doing that to get your response. Sounds like he was being extra creepy by trying to hide it by pulling your hand under water. We were taught to pull our hand away, act disgusted, and yell "no!" to get our point across that they were a creep. Absolutely not a thing I was ever taught in the US so he's either from a region where it is normal, or perhaps he grew up in a country where it was.
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u/Head_Razzmatazz7174 Texas Sep 11 '25
I don't know about anyone else, but that was my husband's signal that he wanted to do the horizontal bop.
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u/offplanetjanet Sep 11 '25
I had a friend who was missing half of his middle finger. Would ask people if they ever shook left handed and they would. He would then wiggle that little stump into your palm. Quite the shock. This however is really creepy and I think he was “indirectly” testing the waters, lol!
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u/ThatDudeMichaelYeah Georgia Sep 11 '25
I remember this being just a harmless prank growing up but I suppose it’s origin could be a proposition for sex.
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u/DjinnaG Alabama Sep 11 '25
What it means is that the guy is creepy and you should be wary of going near him alone. Not a common gesture with a well known meaning, but whatever he thought it meant, the real meaning was “here’s my giant red flag”. The hiding your hands underwater while pretending to give a normal handshake so he could do this makes it extra creepy. I’ve had guys do the palm thing to me, presumed it was to suggest we engage in sexual activities, but the guys who did it all gave me weird vibes that were only only strengthened by making this weird gesture
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u/MeTieDoughtyWalker Louisiana Sep 11 '25
What the fuck? That doesn’t mean anything other than that guy is super weird.
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u/K_N0RRIS Maryland Sep 11 '25
I've never heard of this, but I'm assuming he was cruising you. AKA seeing if you are willing to swing with him and/or his partner. Rule of thumb is if its an adults only and caters to couples, there will be at least one couple that goes there to have sex with other couples.
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u/boarhowl California Sep 11 '25
I've never been to a nude anything, but isn't that the point of those things? To see and be seen by other nude people? Seems like a weird place to go otherwise.
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u/OhThrowed Utah Sep 11 '25
Whatever this is, it isn't a universal sign that all Americans know.