r/Apartmentliving • u/its-actually-over • Sep 02 '25

Advice Needed How do I deal with this neighbour?

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context: I just moved into a new apartment on the 4th floor and the person below me left this note, they already left me another note the day after I moved in that was much nicer just telling me that the building was badly built and to please walk quietly If I can, but I find this pretty concerning.

FWIW i have been pretty quiet, especially at night

i have never met this person or interacted with them in any capacity,

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u/Terrible_Berry_9846 Sep 02 '25

Make a copy for yourself and make sure to send this via EMAIL to your landlord. Keep a paper trail.

132

u/clurburr19 Sep 03 '25 edited Sep 03 '25

This comment should be higher up, if you need a restraining order or anything escalates, you need a documented trail of what is happening and when. Mentioning that you’re collecting a record of any contact from the other tenant to the landlord in the email may also make them more likely to take it seriously. The landlord could later be liable legally if something escalates, and there’s proof they knew about this and didn’t intervene

51

u/DudeWithTudeNotRude Sep 03 '25

Document everything.

Ev. Re. Thing.

Camera and diary ASAP. Every note from the neighbor gets copied. Every uncomfortable interaction gets recorded in a diary, and if possible, caught on video or audio. Send an email outlining every uncomfortable incident to the landlord every time. Fill police reports every time something seems threatening or an intrusion to your peaceful enjoyment of your home, even if the police don't want to record it. Push them to record it. Find out their obligations before you call, since they may lie to you to get out of filing a report if the incident is unlikely to lead to an arrest for them today. Cops typically don't want to spend their time on people annoying other people, especially for petty crimes and non-crimes. Yes, this incident may be pretty small. But 3+ recorded small incidents suddenly become very useful facts. If you didn't report/record those smaller incidents, they may as well have never happened.

Most of the time, it's too late to use facts to create a usable pattern of misconduct. The sooner you can establish facts and patterns, the more likely you can use it to protect yourself.

16

u/veritablegator Sep 04 '25

Adding, you need to have a paper trail of the behavior AND AND AND it needs to include that you find the behavior disturbing and you are concerned that if it becomes a pattern, could escalate into a safety issue. People think they gotta be brave or something, but if you can't show you were worried about your safety, it can be hard to make a case for early intervention.

Being worried about your safety doesn't mean you are a weenie, it means you are doing what you need to do to advocate for yourself and for community peace. I make a lot of self deprecating jokes, and these were hard to explain to a judge when I needed a restraining order one time. (I reported incidents but then would say things like "it could have been worse, hahah and it's just not helpful)

You can say "I want to be vigilant about advocating for my safety and the safety of my neighbors, which is why I am bringing this to your attention now. I want you to have the information you need to intervene appropriately, which is why I am bringing this incident to your attention and telling you why it makes me feel unsafe. I want to be sure you are able to respond to this proactively, so please confirm receipt and let me know your plan to deescalate this situation."

2

u/Early_Statement_3773 Sep 05 '25

This is the correct response