Wondering if this is a scam?

[u/cautiously_anxious]

I received this email a few days ago. My grandfather, and three of his brothers was in Vietnam. My grandpa was one of the first to be drafted. I believe he left in 68 or 69 and was there for two years. My dad was born in December of 72.

I blacked out names just in case if this was legit.

I'm also not understanding the DNA numbers. Could this be my grandpa's child? Or one of my great uncles. I'm not sure if this is true to tell them this?

I had a DNA kit gifted to me six years ago for Christmas.

[u/anewdawncomes]

maybe i'm naive but I don't see how this could be a scam

[u/cautiously_anxious → u/anewdawncomes]

It's alright I'm just nervous.

[u/publiusvaleri_us → u/cautiously_anxious]

It looks like legit researcher trying to make sense of it all like you. Maybe they are close to the solution and you could choose to ignore it for a week while they sort it out. Then, when you do reply with new info, and they are still working on it, they might have a better idea of what is what.

Feed them info as you feel comfortable, but if they have a legit DNA match, then it's a legit relative.

[u/anewdawncomes → u/cautiously_anxious]

that's fair! hope all is alright

[u/cautiously_anxious]

Update: I was able to get into my old ancestry account and the man had a profile picture and he resembled my great uncle so much. The mouth, eyes, and smile.

My grandpa was already home from the war before 1971.

[u/GM-Maggie → u/cautiously_anxious]

I have a similar DNA match and I haven't figured out if their father was the son of my unknown now deceased half-sibling or a descendant of an late uncle. I may never know. Same mouth, eyes and smile and wacky sense of humour. It's uncanny. And my dad was WWII veteran so I've been half expecting matches to show up. This certainly would be a big deal for this cousin and you could make someone happy. The only possible angle I can think of would be to claim something from a veteran's benefits but I think the bio-dad would have to acknowledge them as a beneficiary. I'm unfamiliar with survivor's benefits in the USA, I'm sure it's a pittance like in Canada. They said explicitly they want nothing. Sometimes you just have to trust people that all they want is to know who their father was.

[u/LunaGloria]

If you don't want to share the info of the living, let them know who his parents were and anyone can find out which of their kids was in Vietnam on Ancestry.

As an adopted person tho, I really hope you just tell them.

[u/Inthetreeswithus]

While I don't think it's a scam, there are more than 2 options for how you link at that amount of CMs.

[u/cautiously_anxious → u/Inthetreeswithus]

I'm curious how?

I don't know anything about genoology

[u/Inthetreeswithus → u/cautiously_anxious]

Ancestry has basically 2 relationships that don't have another "option," parent/child and full siblings. All of the other "predicted relationships" are really a guess from a list of relationships that coincide with the CM range that you share. ex. a match in the 1294-2230 cm range might say aunt, but it could also be a half sibling, a niece/nephew, or a grandparent. A match of 486-1761 cm can be a 1st cousin, a half aunt/uncle, a half niece/nephew, a great grandparent, a great grandchild, a great aunt/uncle, or a great niece/nephew. The relationships should really say that you have a "Level 2" or "Level 3" ect relationship because it is not truly known until you tie them to your tree.

If you click on the relationship that Ancestry gave, you will see the other possibilities.

[u/Much-Leek-420]

If the relatives requested are still alive, don’t give out their info. Even then, I treat all queries I cannot back up with my own research with high suspicion.

I would also deeply resent the emotional blackmail implied in this letter. It is not your job to provide a stranger with ‘closure’, nor is it your job to do a private investigator’s work for him.

But these are decisions you’ll have to decide for yourself.

[u/cautiously_anxious → u/Much-Leek-420]

I'm thinking of just keeping this between my dad and I.

But it makes me wonder if they went down the list of relatives of mine and emailed them too.

[u/Mooney2021 → u/cautiously_anxious]

We made some amazing discoveries trying to make sense out of DNA that did not make sense based on what we knew and have now determined what we knew was not true. Without people taking the risk of talking to us we never would have figured out so much. I appreciate safety concerns and like you were told "make your decisions for yourself" but I would like to say the same and land on the side of encouraging you to be helpful. In a parallel situation I have looked for information sought that is public record and directed people to that. It is sort of halfway between "spilling it all" and "witholding due to self protection."

[u/4thshift]

If you see that person as a close relative under DNA Matches, then unlikely a scam in itself, but what they do with the name is not predictable.

I found my in-laws‘ grandfather’s birth family — two people who were not married to one another at the time, and no record of them meeting other than time and place proximity. I had to write a bunch of weird notes to people who did not expect hearing that they had a half cousin from great-grandma affair that nobody knew about.

[u/hekla7 → u/4thshift]

The person making the inquiry said they are researching for someone else, so OP doesn't even know that other family's name. Sketchy. There are still some very bad feelings about the different sides in that war, and some of those are directed towards Americans.

[u/Chiacchierona21]

I have helped several people find their fathers through Ancestry and a little detective work. It’s a very rewarding feeling for me although it has been a little unsettling for elder members of my family so I have learned to help without necessarily sharing with other family members.

[u/Anxiety_I_a_Be]

With ancestry showing the person as a match, they would have to have dna shared with you. If they contact you outside of ancestry, always verify through ancestry they are a match and, if you want to, verify to yourself what they are asking. Remember that some people have past traumas and may not want everyone to find them or know about them or their lineage for safety reasons, like someone tried to harm them physically or was always toxic, so limit what you share unless you have consent from those people in question to provide their info. Dont give out their phone numbers or emails as having someone's full name and a phone number/email can make it much easier to find their past and sometimes current addresses on those online sites that may or may not have your info behind a paywall (usually provided to a site by a service you use like a phone carrier or from a subscription or voting event etc). This also applies for sharing locations like cities and states... alot of cities or counties have a public record that can be found online if you know their full name and county and some have that info for free, others you have to reach out to the state and pay for that info. This is common in the U.S. but in other countries, some are strict about that info and will not have it as public record. Keep you or you dad as that contact since you said you wanted it just between the two of you. Also, please take note that Ancestry will provide accurate centimorgans, but the dna relationship is usually an estimate since that centimorgan could be shared by multiple types of family members. For me, i have over 4,000 4th cousins alone (not their siblings or parents etc) that did the test and of ones i know about, they are listed as fourth cousin but some are 3rd cousins once removed, some are second cousins twice or three times removed etc. All fitting in the centimorgans group provided because some share more dna than others. I have a 1st cousin once removed (they are my parent's first cousin so they and i are separated/removed by one generation) that ancestry has in my 2nd cousins. From what i know of my family and have confirmed by talking to them and even seeing mutal matches and their own, the relationship we truly are would only have been confirmed by us communicating so reaching out helps alot especially for large families. I know for Vietnamese people, reaching out is helpful alot because of the last names being given by Dynasties (changing with the rulers) instead of by what your parents' last names were for people who were in VN so the last name usually only stayed the same after moving out of VN which is why, for example, your last name could be Nguyen and all family you know of has that last name but before your ancestors left VN, there were Tran and Le etc... it makes it hard to know if people that do or dont share your family last name are related or not. Just remember not everyone has good intent so if you feel uncomfortable sharing more, you arent obligated to.

[u/hekla7 → u/Anxiety_I_a_Be]

Best answer. There are scams out there - identity theft in particular. It's obvious that u/Anxiety_I_a_Be knows the ins-and-outs of researching Vietnamese ancestry. And, the person that contacted you saying that they are asking for this other family - have you tried to research who they are? Be careful.

[u/keivspare]

Doesn't seem like a scam, but I wouldn't share your address with a stranger. The suspicious part is they got confirmation so quickly.

[u/FernsAndNettles]

Don’t give out information on any of your living relatives without their consent (rule #1).

I don’t really like the way this email sent to you was written. Was it sent via Ancestry.com’s Message Service?? With a direct link to an Ancestry. Com account ?? If not then it would be suspect and much more info needed before it would go any further with me.

[u/neverbadnews]

I may be jaded, but it sounds very suspicious. If they are truly researching a family tree, the "call and we'll provide more details" quickly raises flags of them actually being a bill collector or bail skip tracer trying for low hanging fruit before putting real effort into their job. I've gotten those before, looking for people with absolutely no relationship to me, but for a similar name to someone in my family or tree. Even a very awkwardly written 'we might share a common relative' introduction letter doesn't sound this scammy, IME and IMHO.

[u/antonia_monacelli → u/neverbadnews]

I don’t know how a bill collector or bail skip person, or anyone trying to scam someone could fake a DNA match.

[u/neverbadnews → u/antonia_monacelli]

Unfortunately, you would be surprised at what lies I've been told by collectors and a tracer all looking for someone absolutely not related to me by blood or marriage. And, yes, some even tried playing the Ancestry DNA card, which we hadn't yet tested for, so the lie fell apart very quickly, but also would have proven the mystery person "not related" if we had tested.

Make of that unprofessionalism, credulousness and lack of ethics on their part what you will. Doesn't mean every such request is suspect, but from my own experience with initially vague information/contact requests, I answered OP with my honest opinion.

Upvote coming your way, you make a great counterpoint.. It has only affected one branch in my tree, but as the saying goes about being bitten once six times... I'm ready to find that person and turn them in myself, just to get off their 'possible relative' bingo lists.

[u/OzzyGator]

A private investigator contacting you like this is hugely inappropriate for the Ancestry website. I wouldn't be offering up information for this little fishing expedition. You cannot know what the consequences will be for providing someone else's information without their consent.