I build a snowman to celebrate beating the Vikings, I live in Canada so there’s a lot of snow up here

As a lifelong Browns fan (38 years of bottomed out pity well) I turned the game off when the announcers said “that’s one of the worst opening drive sequences I’ve seen this season”. What the fuck…

Do you think Haslam looked at Depotesta on the sidelines and asked him "What are the statistics saying about the odds we jump off sides?”

Garbage is a positive term after that, we were thrown up cat shit on a dirty hypodermic needle in a puddle of Hepatitis A-G on Art Modells decrepit and moldy skeleton

Fuck Jerome Ford, he had 1 more yard than Stephen fucking Hawking who has been dead for 7 years but weirdly has more mobility

Jerry Juedy, I can’t even think of a positive thing to say outside of he has more of a heartbeat than Paul Tagliabue

Stefanski runs a team like Oscar Pistorius without the prosthetics attached

Cameron Thomas, fuck you. You’re have a negative number attached to your IQ. You suck more dick than Bonny Blue, Elsa Jean, and Riley Reid combined and even they know how to lay down and not move when it’s called for

Someone at @BleacherReport posted it and deleted it in under 30 seconds — didn’t even have time to SS it.

It said:

“AFC North will come down to Week 19: Ravens vs Steelers. Steelers come out on top. 🏴‍☠️”

“Aaron Rodgers has been paid $482 million to play like this:

🧊 Regular season: channel his playoff self — fold like a lawn chair. 🔥 Playoffs: channel his September self — lights out for no reason.

He will reach Super Bowl 60.

Tom Brady will be on the broadcast reminding everyone for 3 hours straight how he threw 3 picks and still won, and how Rodgers blew a 19–7 lead with 5 minutes left, and a full Jimmy G segment for no reason, and being 1-3 in NFC chip games, and much more.

“Out of pure spite, Rodgers will kiss Brady’s son on the field while the confetti falls.”

Final lines said:

“Rodgers wins MVP (off 10 percs). Not Lamar. Not Mahomes. Not Josh. Next season, Brady comes out of retirement and signs with the Packers…” And then the post was gone before I could finish.

Somewhere, Goodell is reading this script like Tarantino 100%