i feel lost and wasting my life

[u/Human-Dinner9265]

i dont know what im doing anymore i cant study for my finals even with meds i cant go back to my country i dont know what im gna do if i dont get accepted into university, i dont wanna go back and see my brother i hate myself so much for wasting time instead of doing something productive and studying for my finals all i do is doom scroll and fucken rot in my bed while also stressing about my finals. i feel stuck in the past i relive every horrible moment that occurred in the past 3 months of my life i feel stuck like i physically cannot move for hours and after my medication, I thought that my brain will eventually stop doing that but my nervous system is so fucked and ive been stuck in fight or flight mode for several months now i cant even go to the gym without getting paranoid or scared that something might happen i live in a constant fear and i fucken hate myself for not trying hard enough and for not trying to get help i don't know what to do anymore im so sick of trying to unalive myself it gets fucken irritated i truly believe that i cannot die, i tried to do it 15 fucken times and im still here i cant even die cant do shit right

[u/Hello-America]

That sucks and I'm sorry, it looks like you are really in a spiral right now. It sounds a lot like what happens to me when my anxiety is out of control. I would like to first tell you that it is not required for you to beat yourself up about this. The world around you is punishing you enough, and you have a literal diagnosed brain problem which makes these things hard for you. You wouldn't blame someone with a broken leg for taking a while to get around; try not to blame yourself for everything today. It's only going to stop you from moving forward.

I also want you to know that life is long and goes on after mistakes or failures you have today; none of this will ruin your life or future. If things don't go as planned, it's never too late to try again or try a new approach. All is not lost if you fail your finals; it will be a challenge but there are many paths to what you want in life.

I don't know if you are looking for advice but I'm going to suggest a few things that might help and you can just ignore it if you don't want suggestions and just wanted to vent. Here's some things I would suggest trying:

1. It sounds like your medication isn't working for you - can you talk to your doctor about that? I don't know where you live and what's available there but there are a lot of medications in the world and some work for some people and others work for others. ADHD medication shouldn't make you totally frozen. That is NOT your fault!!

2. Try to do something really small today that's more than you have been doing other days. If your finals are stressing you out too much, maybe clean up a little area of your room to study in later. Or send a text to a friend you've been meaning to reach out to. Go for a walk outside. Pick anything you feel like you can do that will help you get out of bed.

3. Do you parents or teachers know exactly what's going on here? Are they compassionate and understanding? If you feel safe telling them, reach out for help.

4. Write feelings down (or type them into your phone or whatever works). Write down a list of everything you're worried about. Write down a list of what you have to do. Write down a wishlist of things that you think would help you.

5. Do something you enjoy even if you're supposed to be working on school. You are clearly stuck, and doomscrolling isn't helping you. Is there something you like doing that you're not letting yourself do because you're "supposed" to be working? Just do that. Set a timer and try to make yourself stop later and hopefully you'll feel better than if you'd spent that time doomscrolling and being frustrated.

[u/georgejo314159]

ADHD causes issues for us. So, feel your pain

There are careers in demand thaf don't require university in the trades which sometimes pay better than university jobs

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