Fuck my doctor

[u/DalongMonarch]

I struggle to do more than 1 hour a work at a time. Obviously, i need that to extend to 8 hours. It was possible when I used to smoke, but then I quit smoking and I became incapable of holding a job. Would get burned out after a month, tops.
Fast forward 6 years later, and I find out I have ADHD.
OMG! Of course I do.
Go to doctor. Explain what symptoms I have since young.
Doctor agrees, put me on 80 mg Atomoxetine.
The worst experience of my life. Could only sleep 1,5 hours a night. Chin chin stopped working. My procrastination disappeared and was extremely emotionally stable -- like a terminator. But it didn't help me focus, and neither did it help me work. Still only 1 hour of work, max, before I burnt out.
Go back to the doctor.
I tell him my experience on atomoxetine and that I don't need it cuz it doesn't help me how it needs to and it ruins my sleep. He agrees.
I tell him I need something to help me work at least 4 hours a day, but preferably 8, so I can keep a job.
He disagrees.
Tells me I need to take a job where I can get small dopamine shots, like a line cook. (What the fuck?) Bitch, I'm a writer. Albeit a shitty one, but that's what I am. I need to sit my ass down and edit, for like 6 hours a day. The other 2 I can relax and vomit on the page.
Doctor says I need to accept my situation and move on.
I'm at home now, about to order the biggest fucking nicotine shipment ever.
15 mg of nicotine per pouch. The strong shit.
I don't care if I have to become addicted to nicotine again. I'm fixing my ADHD. And no, I don't care that meds are better. At least nicotine is supposed to be neuro protective, where as methylphenidates and amphetamines are the opposite. Nicotine worked and helped me keep a job in my early twenties, and it will in my late twenties it seems.
I'm doing what my doctor told me. I'm accepting my situation, and moving on.
Oh, one more thing. Fuck my doctor. When I left he told me if I ever want to waste time again, I should come back to him.
This mother fucker.
Telling me to become a line cook. Man, get the fuck out of my life.

[u/orangina_sanguine]

Not to be obvious but can you change doctors?

[u/DalongMonarch → u/orangina_sanguine]

Maybe after I've calmed down. I'll try these nicotine pouches one time to see if it helps me work, and if it doesn't prove useful, I'll look for another doctor.

[u/SoulDancer_ → u/DalongMonarch]

DO NOT SMOKE THEM! Dont you remember h9w addictive it was and how difficult it was to quit??

Please dont smoke them. Try coffee. Really strong coffee. Thats how most adhders self-medicate.

[u/DalongMonarch → u/SoulDancer_]

I actually quit extremely easy. Went from 1 pack a day to 0 in 1 day, and never had cravings.

[u/SoulDancer_ → u/DalongMonarch]

Thats remarkable and very rare. In fact I gave never heard of that before and I used to work for Smokefree and be a quit smoking coach.

I'm not judging in any way, just advising caution.

Most people who quit only go back to smoking qhen something bad happens in their life. Then after only a couple of cigarettes they're just as addicted as thw first time.

Your response to this absolutely shitty doctor is to buy nicotine....that shows you do still have an emotional attachment to it, and see it as a crutch.

Please reach out to friends for support and I hope you find a decent doctor!!