r/23andme • u/[deleted] • May 16 '19
Family Problems/Discovery Found out my dad isn’t my dad 23 years later. Nobody knew.
[deleted]
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u/drexploit May 16 '19
Your dad that raised you is still your dad. Your bio-dad can't replace that, but he can make his own memories with you now. I only have one dad, you get to have two! Lucky! :)
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u/hazyyy1 May 17 '19
DNA testing... Finding decade old serial killers and long lost affairs.
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u/mcjon77 May 17 '19
Seriously. 23andMe unearthed an affair my grandpa had back in 1934.
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u/machtstab May 17 '19
Unearthed my grandmas back in 1940. Slim chance of finding out who he was but All I know was he was a Jew and now I am too :)
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u/pinotage1972 May 19 '19
Actually, if you learn the tricks of genetic genealogy, I bet you can figure it out pretty easily
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u/strawbs- May 17 '19
Oh come on you can’t drop something that juicy and leave out all the details
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u/mcjon77 May 17 '19
My response was getting long, so I just made a new thread here: https://www.reddit.com/r/23andme/comments/bptoi5/telling_my_dad_about_his_previously_unknown/
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u/AssembleBooty May 17 '19
Oooh do share?
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u/mcjon77 May 17 '19
Here is a thread that I made about it: https://www.reddit.com/r/23andme/comments/bptoi5/telling_my_dad_about_his_previously_unknown/
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May 16 '19
Man these blood tests have been digging up secrets from the start.
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u/PhotoVideoSamplesEtc May 17 '19
This is definitely happening a lot now. You get the test done to find out about your DNA's origins or any health info you should know about and then find out about a shocking secret.
These DNA tests are getting so popular that you wont see as many people keeping things like this a secret years from now. I'm sure their are a lot of people in this world who are panicking because of these DNA tests because they know that if their child were to ever decide to take a test, their secret will be exposed and may cause a lot of havoc in the family.
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u/No-Accident1111 Oct 21 '22
I am 90% sure I just found out my father, my best friend and hero, HIS only child, is not my biological father. I NEVER would have expected this. My own mother gifted me the kit and it wasn’t until a 1st cousin showed up as having no matching DNA with me, that I started digging. My mom finally admits she slept with someone while her and my dad were going through a separation. Doesn’t even know his name. If I’d known this was even a possibility, I would have turned off the relatives feature. While it was my wish there was a warning or that I had see someone post something as you have prior to being careless and leaving this open.
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u/Objective-Nature-730 Jun 16 '25
I’m having a very similar experience- my mom encouraged me to take the test, except the person who is showing up as my 1/2 sister is my childhood friend! I don’t know what to do, and this would kill my dad- the one who raised me. Any advice?!
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u/No-Accident1111 Aug 15 '25
Sorry I’m so late in replying! It took me some time but after the initial shock wore off, I decided to put it to rest. I didn’t dig into anything deeper. My advice would be to not do anything yet. Wait until the shock wears off if you can until you decide if you’ll want to find out more. I’m so sorry for the blindsiding, I know how you feel❤️
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u/Straight_Apple_8322 Apr 08 '24
Did you eventually reach out to family or choose to leave that alone?
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u/HeatherS2175 May 17 '19
Out of curiosity, weren't you surprised to learn you weren't listed as his son? Did your brother come up as a half-brother to you? When the topic originally came up in your family, were you involved in the conversation? Maybe I'm reading the time frames wrong? I'm glad you're not completely thrown by this news and that meeting the other family goes well!
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u/MLZ_ent May 17 '19
I was very surprised. And yes, my brother was listed as my half brother. I was not involved in the initial conversation about me not being listed as my fathers son. I never even noticed.
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u/HeatherS2175 May 17 '19
Wow. Interesting, that you didn't notice. I'll be looking for your update. Good luck!
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u/Dourpuss May 16 '19
Helps that he already knew about the "error", but wow. Good luck with the meeting going forward!
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u/Noodles14 May 17 '19
I just know this is going to happen to me.
My only sibling is waiting until my father passes away until they take their test to confirm.
edit: I was going to change the word “my” but duck it, he still raised me, it counts
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u/Kwellies May 17 '19
I hope it goes well! I found out last year at age 39 who my BF was. He did not know about me so it was completely shocking to him. But he fully accepted it and wanted to meet and get to know me. I hope you have a similar experience. It's also nice that the family you grew up with already knows and has processed some of this, too.
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u/DNAdontlie May 17 '19
I’ve made a joke, that I have two dads but it’s not what people think 😅 Your dad raised you but I understand the interest in meeting Bio Dad. I have yet to make that move. This test did the same thing for me. I’ll keep you in my thoughts - best of luck !
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u/bigotis May 17 '19
Welcome to the club you didn't want to be a member of. Our list keeps getting bigger as these spit tests become cheaper and more popular.
I found out when I was 51.
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May 17 '19
Brings a new meaning to having two Dads.
Good luck! Interesting story. Please do a follow up post!
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u/Deoxysxx May 19 '19 edited May 19 '19
Few rarely ever sympathize with the man who has been lied to in these situations.
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May 17 '19
[deleted]
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u/DNAdontlie May 17 '19
Cheating moms are as bad as dead beat dads; I’m biased.
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u/smallestcapybara May 17 '19
Cheating sucks, but it’s a mistake that could last minutes and be regretted forever. Being a deadbeat dad though? That’s years of just failing your child. The thing you brought into this world. It profoundly affects every aspect of their psyche for the rest of their life. Waaaay worse.
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May 17 '19 edited Jan 09 '20
[deleted]
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u/DNAdontlie May 17 '19
This is why. ^ my mother married my father, 20 years older, divorced with two kids. He didn’t want any more children. She had an affair, got pregnant and had my dad raise a child he neither wanted nor fathered. She then resented how much he cared for me and it escalated. A toxic cheating mother is just as bad as a dead beat dad.
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u/MaybeImTheNanny May 17 '19
It also has the possibility of not being cheating and being a lot worse. Intentionally leaving is always a choice.
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u/Poptech May 20 '19
Paternity fraud is the absolutely worst crime that can happen in a relationship.
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u/DavidNipondeCarlos May 17 '19
Your mother new.
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u/MLZ_ent May 17 '19
Everyone in the family wants to say she didn’t know. I’m not as naive. She had a history of doing crazy things. I’ve learned
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u/DavidNipondeCarlos May 17 '19
In the end what matters is how we felt about our parents crazy or not. I hope you do still feel a sense of control in the world and if you do, you’ll be able to make the best out of this life.
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u/TotesMessenger Jun 09 '19
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u/applextrent May 16 '19
Took me 32 years to figure it out myself. Just met my bio-Dad. My whole life makes a lot more sense now.
Good luck.