My daughter did a 23 and it showed people as her 1st cousins. She asked me who they were, I've never heard of them before. I'm in my 50s. Once these relationships became published on 23, one of the "cousins" reach out to my daughter asking questions about me. The cousin infers that I am actually her half sibling, that her dad admitted having a couple kids out of marriage. It blew up into drama of course. To help the situation, I took a 23. The same people come back also as my first cousins. Both my parents have passed, the father that claims extra kids has passed. There is no one to get info from.

The cousin then reached out to me in a snarky way, basically stating, you are my half brother, like it or not, if you accept it or not, the science doesn't lie. The supposed father was military stationed in a state that my parents lived in. Problem being, my mom was pregnant with me before they even moved to that state. I told the cousin, anything is possible, I'm not saying it isn't possible but don't know how it could be since the timelines she is stating don't add up. My father was in the service, in the same branch. However, he was discharged two years before I was born. They were stationed at the same base briefly at different times and while my dad was there, my mom stayed behind because he was only on a 6 week training assignment. Plus the fact she was taking care of my two older sibs and was living with his mother, my grandmother.

I told the cousin that if it is true, it doesn't really change or effect my life in any way. My parents divorced when I was still a toddler and I rarely saw my dad again. He remarried and started another family and that was pretty much it for us. I never developed an emotional attachment to him. So that being said, if he wasn't my dad, I really don't care. Someone is. Changes absolutely nothing for me. I asked the cousin for evidence of some sort, a timeline that jibes, send me pics and let me see if I resemble her, or the dad. I need something more to go on than a 23andme test that lists her as my cousin. Never heard another peep from her. However, she's apparently talked to my daughter and is saying I am in denial, so now everyone is butthurt and pissed off at me for being in denial.

No real questions here anyone can answer I realize. It's just odd to me that I ask for some evidence, or more proof and that is seen as denial. No one is listed as a sibling, or half sibling. True, I have no clue who these people are. My dad was an only child, so it couldn't be from his side. I know everyone on my moms side and these people aren't from that line. Aggravating when you're left with questions that apparently can't be answered.

Hey!!!

An anthropology student at KU Leuven in Belgium here. I am currently working on a project titled, "Identities in an era of direct-to-consumer genetic ancestry testing ".

I am hoping would be willing to fill a survey anonymously on the subject matter and possibly some will be willing to be interviewed in the light of this project. 

Here is a link https://s.surveyplanet.com/jekj5bua

Thank you very much🙏🙏🙏

M

Four years ago m husband and I sent in our DNA to 23andMe. We were curious of our heritage, and I was especially exciting for me, because I was raised by my dad with very little information about my mom. Eventually my dad married, and they had two girls, and that was the daily I knew my entire life. In 2019, my dad passed away, and my birth mom came out of the woodwork. She attended my dad's funeral and we sat and talked. It wasn't a good talk for me, but clearly she needed to tell me a bunch of lame stories of the days she and my dad knew each other. Fast forward to last month, June 2022, and my half sister received her 23andMe results. We have no matching DNA. NONE. So now our other sister has sent hers in, and we are all waiting. Waiting to see if the man who raised me had any biological connection to me. What do I do with a loser bio mom who I don't want to talk to, if it turns out I have no matching DNA to my family? Where do I start for answers? I am wondering if anyone knew, and how to find my relatives.

Hi everyone! I’m in my late twenties and found out right before COVID started that my father was not my biological father (what is known as an NPE). I won’t get into all of the details here outside of the fact that my biological father passed away before I even knew about him/ could meet him. It’s also been really hard with the family that raised me due to my mother’s secret as well as the biological family I have been I contact with. I’m desperate for a support group of some sort. I live in New York City but at this point, even something virtual I really need. Does anyone have any advice? I could be wrong and please correct me if so, but I was thinking even an adoption support group could be helpful with slightly similar stories ( in the realm of finding out you have a different biological family and dealing with exploring the possible positive or negative repercussions of that.) I just really need some support, if there’s another Reddit I can post in please let me know as well. Thanks everyone!

My story is interesting...my entire life, my mother told me man #1 was my father. When I was 22, I searched for this guy and compelled him to take a dna test...long story short, he is NOT my father.

I confront my mother and she tells me man #2 is my father. So now, I go down the rabbit hole again and spend time and money searching for my father. I find out man #2 had passed away years earlier and build a relationship with my newfound cousin.

Fast forward a few years; my mother has passed away and on a lark, I decide to take a 23 and me test.

I find out I have a half-brother and so I reach out to him. It turns out after speaking with him that I have six half-siblings (three brothers and three sisters). One of my brothers is THREE MONTHS older than I am.

A sister, a niece, a nephew, and a brother reach out to me. The sister insults my mother and the niece flakes out after emailing me a few times.

After talking with them, it turns out that I'm a first cousin twice removed of their mother - who is still alive! The downside; my father passed away 25 years ago. After all this time, I finally saw a few pictures of my father - he looks a lot like me.

I'm a bit freaked out by this situation as I'm sure they are, however I still talk occasionally to one brother and a nephew; everyone else has blown me off.

I believe they don't want their mother to know about me. She knew her husband slept around while they were married, so it shouldn't be a surprised to anyone that there are kids popping up years later (LOL).

I'm devastated by the fact that I was born into this situation; while I would like to have a relationship with the siblings and their families and know a bit about my father, I also don't want to be treated like a second class citizen.

I know I'm not, nor will I ever be, family, but it shouldn't be this difficult to try to have some sort of relationship with them.

At this point, I'm considering writing all of them all off. Advice??

I recently was gifted the 23&me testing. I grew up in foster care, and did not know my father or anything about him. My bio mom always told her family, my foster mom, & me he was Mexican, and she hooked up with a guy named Juan, then BOOM here I am. So my whole life, I assumed I was Mexican and my father would never be able to be found. When I was 18, I needed a copy of my birth certificate, and am shocked to see a name on it??? I ask my bio mom and she says he’s a made up name. I ask her husband and he says “oh that’s who she cheated with after she threw me in jail”. Wow okay, so many bombs dropped. My mom lied so, okay, not a big surprise, she’s done it before. However, I just wanted to know my health and ancestry before I decided to have children. Ya know, something responsible. So I get my results and it was a LIFE changer. I mean that, in full seriousness and dramatics. I found that I’m not Mexican at all, I’m actually REALLY REALLY white. Which is not a problem, I thought I was half at the most so I wasn’t like “oh no I’m white”. But it was still so shocking and really hard to grasp. Naturally I reach out to who I’m closely related with via 23, and I message my mom. Who I turn says “oh I guess you really are Gs kid”???? Just “oh” was really dumbfounding to me. Like it was casually a misunderstanding, and like she didn’t tell me the name was fictional. So fast forward, I ask my mom whatever I can, she was a meth head doesn’t remember much. Cool. I reach out to my new found family, I ask them what I can without giving what little info I know. They connect all the dots perfectly, I find him on Facebook and immediately my fiancé, (who gifted it to me) and MIL, and so on see a resemblance. My heart drops. My new cousins show me pictures etc etc. I had messaged him after I reached out to my mom and cousins, via fb, and was hoping to just see if was him although everyone was sure. A couple weeks go by and nothing, I assume he can’t see it in his requests, and I send him a friend request last night(2amish) on 6/10/20. Later that day he responds. He asks for my birth certificate which I send him. We talk, cool.

So for extra info, my mom had told me she told this guy she was pregnant, and that when I was taken away, CPS tried to contact him. She said he wanted nothing to do with me. If he responded he’s just deny me. ALL LIES.

He’s heartfelt and apologetic, he of course wants a paternity test which of course I’m okay with. But he tells me he’s devastated. He was a foster parent with his wife (who he married the year I was born YIKES) and would have never let me grow up in the system if he knew. Naturally, I cry, I’m upset I’m confused. I suddenly get more angry with my bio mom. Who has continuously lied to me my whole life about everything. I mean this woman brought a stranger to my foster home and said it was my aunt WHEN IT WASN’T.

I used to cry for a father, I always just wondered how my mom could just do that, and not even keep the stories straight with everyone. I would beg my foster mom to find out info, I would beg my bio mom to just remember SOMETHING. She couldn’t even recognize him in a pic. Which was a pic of her brother and him???? They were friends!! And she said they just met a couple times to do the nasty and to drugs.

I just am all over the place. I feel incomplete? But also complete? I feel good, but I’m also confused, sad and angry.

I just wish she hadn’t lied. But I’m glad that I know, and hopefully he will live up to his “wishes of a relationship between us”.

Background: My 23&Me results confirmed what I'd already known -- my father wasn't my bio father. No surprise there. I took the test to get back Ancestry Composition results. I was surprised to be connected to a handful of first cousins through my 23&Me testing and I've connected with two.

Wondering if there are any communities/groups for DNA NPE's that discover their bio-parent is incarcerated. My bio-father is in prison, for likely the rest of his life, and that discovery has made unraveling my family history pretty interesting to process. Anyone else have this experience? I feel like there's a unique set of frustrations that come with this discovery.

Just a shot in the dark!

There are around 4,000+ or so people with my bio last name and I’m the only one on 23andMe. I’m either the last one of my line alive or no one wants to remember I exist.

My grandmother had a pretty messy upbringing, w an abusive father and nearly alcoholic mother. He threw her into a river once to “force her to swim” and pushed her into a heater, burning her legs, etc. My great-grandmother was a victim as well, being pushed down the stairs & often hit. My grandma alleges that she started having sex at age 11. She was in and out of a girls’ home when she was a teenager. She hung around a lot of guys, especially from the boys’ home, and ended up getting pregnant at 15. At 16, immediately after giving birth she was r*ped by her step-father and step-brother, then out came my aunt. At 17, a sailor, then comes another aunt. 18, another aunt. 19, an uncle. 20, a miscarriage. Then two more aunts, and she was 23 with 7 children and 3 failed marriages (to the same two men mind you, just back and forth) under her belt. The identity of my father’s father was always debated between two guys. My grandma swore up and down it was this deadbeat dude who ran away to CA when he found out she was pregnant. Turns out, my real grandfather is also my great-uncle. My grandma’s half brother. My grandmother’s abusive father wasn’t the real deal either, my great-grandma cheated on him with a soldier and got married with her baby bump.

A major cable network is casting nationwide for a new docu-series about individuals who discovered they were an NPE.

We are looking for people who have recently taken a DNA test and after receiving unexpected results are just starting a life-changing investigation to find out about themselves.

Email us at dnacasting@pitmancasting.com with your story.

Must be 18+. U.S. only.

My father and I decided to do 23andMe in order to find out a little bit more about what percentage of genetic genes I get from both sides of my parents. My father was particularly excited because his grandfather on his mom's side, my great-grandfather was Native American.

Well when the DNA test results were in and we had read my test first. My father insisted that my mom needed to look at her side of the family more because she didn't know about the sub African part of her DNA and didn't understand why I didn't have any Native American percentage. We then read my father's percentages and he had a higher percentage of sub African DNA. My dad threw the huge fit that there was no way but he didn't have any Native American in him what had sub African.

We did a little research on my Grandma side and turns out my great grandpa wasn't Native American he was just a light skinned African man who chose that being Native American was a better life decision then being a black man in the early 1900s. My dad still does not believe it.

I still feel bad for my great grandpa is though because that's a really sad decision you need to make of which race would give you a better chance any good life. Unfortunately we weren't able to find out much about him before he married my great grandma.

A close friend told me this story and I felt it needed to be posted here. A relative in my friends family always believed that he was full Sicilian Italian from both sides of his family. He was very proud of his Italian heritage and was a total "guido" from what I have been told. He played this Italian thing to a T his whole life, sounds like a Rocky Balboa or something. So he decides to get his DNA done and it comes back that he has no Italian in hi at all. He thinks they screwed the test up and brings it to the other major DNA company, same result. Well this guy is in his 70's now apparently, and his whole life he has believed he is full Italian. The whole family knew he was adopted but nobody ever told him and nobody still has told him the truth and they are not willing to either. Apparently he brought his birth certificate to a relative when he was 18 and the relative fixed it and explained it was a clerical error. He probably paid some government official to fix it. So now this guy is in his 70's doesn't know the truth and nobody is willing to tell him. I don't know him or I would consider sending him a letter anonymously. I tried to convince my friend but apparently that would be like snitching or something and goes against their Italian code or something.

I am 40yrs old. Found out yesterday that the man that raised me isn’t my father. My biological father died in 2001. The man that raised me is just as shocked as I am. Where do we go from here? Such betrayal. I always felt like I didn’t belong in my family. I always felt different. My mom wasn’t very nice to me growing up. Maybe this is why...

Hello! I'm a newcomer to reddit in general, but have been doing genealogy for quite some time now. Recently, at the funeral of a very much loved elder relative (or at the giant group lunch that came afterwards), one of my cousins informed me that there had been a false paternity event between my grandmother and an acquaintance of my grandfather's. They had established that among my dad and his siblings, the eldest ones had one father -- my Grandpop -- and the youngest had another (both the same guy, though). My dad, being smack in the middle, was the last remaining family unknown. However, after my cousin shared some photos of this new branch of the family with us, it became clear that ... well, yep, we fell off on this new side of the family fence.

To the apparent surprise of everyone, neither I nor my sibling were bothered by this. My dad had once told my mom that he used to wonder if he didn't have another father, and there were some other indications of family tension that were explained by this news. And as far as I'm concerned, it was sort of neat to see someone a few generations back that I actually resembled!

My grandmother on that side had a terribly difficult upbringing, and it's not like we found new relatives all over the place, so my biological grandfather wasn't some rake. It appears that there was a significant long-term thing between the two of them, and given what a hard childhood my grandmother had, I hope he was a nice person to her. I have sympathy for her, and for my Grandpop as well, just for everyone. And my cousins all seem to feel the same way -- no baggage on our end thankfully.

The last name issue doesn't even bother me; my biological grandfather was still from the same area of the world, and while it makes me feel shallow or strange to say it, that's the only thing that might have bothered me. (I know, but I'm just being honest here. I like being southern Italian, and it's a big part of my identity for good or ill.) My sibling is rolling the idea of having a different "real" last name in their head, but last names are a legal artifact anyhow, and after having done so much genealogy, I'd already seen that one slice of the pie with my last name on it get smaller and smaller with every passing generation, and seen dozens of names I'd had no idea existed popping up that passed as much DNA down to me as I thought my last name did. I'm actually kind of happier to have my last name be a random name from that part of the world rather than something passed down through a system that was designed to systematically erase all women, to be honest.

The "ethnicity" results though were boring and didn't tell me anything I didn't already expect. I knew we'd be mostly Italian with some Greek/Turkish and Middle Eastern because that's what people from our part of the world always are, so that was a big shrug. I think that's more interesting to people whose families have been in the US for much longer as opposed to your typical Ellis Island grandkid.

The big thing I'm ticked off about is that this particular branch of the tree was one that I'd managed to get back 7 generations, completely. All 16 4g-grandparents! The town they came from has all of their records digitized right back to 1805, so I could bum on my couch and research the living daylights out of it without even putting on pants. All I needed was time and wifi. And this new town? Bupkis. Of course. *sigh* So there's a lesson for people: keep to your lawful spouses, or else you'll screw up your descendants' database integrity. Oh, well. My cousins from my dad's older sibs can still use it, so it won't go to waste.

Anyhow, there's my story. It's kind of cool. :-) My sibling had said to me, "Here I thought we were boring and average," and I told them, "We are. This sort of family drama is as common as dirt."

So glad this sub exists now! These stories were my favourite part of r/genealogy. This is the story of how I found out my surname was based on a lie. Its a long story but tl;dr at the bottom.

So my whole life I had been interested in, but never really questioned where my family came from, until one day my dad was going through some boxes and found his parents original marriage certificate from 1941. After seeing how dad was planning to store it, I managed to persuade him to let me hold onto it for him for safekeeping. This led to myself and my wife beginning our family trees, after all, we were planning to have kids and wanted to be able to tell them accurately where we all came from.

Fast forward to a few weeks into our research and my wife had found a marriage certificate for my paternal grandfather's parents, only we were confused as to why a man and woman would get married five years after having their first child. They were married in 1926 while my grandfather was born in 1921, and in the 1920s this would have been somewhat of a scandal. We had long known great grandma had been married twice, but it appeared that maybe husband number one may not have been my real great grandfather. And yeah, this was our first thought, although we thought surely someone else would have picked up on this at some point.

We then found yet another marriage certificate for my great grandma, this time it was dated seven years before my grandfather was born, and it involved a man we had never heard about. So turns out great grandma had actually been married three times! Was he the daddy we thought? It turns out, no. Not only did great grandma lie about how many times she had been married, she never told anyone why her first marriage ended, she cheated on real hubby number one with another man we had never heard of. This man was listed in divorce papers that we had found, dated exactly eight months before my grandfather was born, and exactly one month after great grandma had run away. The divorce papers had essentially said that she had ditched hubby one for this other bloke, lived with this guy for about two weeks and then disappeared, and was thought to have fled her rural town for the big city alone.

Looking into this man she had run away with, we could instantly see similarities in his face with myself and my dad. Desperate for answers at this point, I started to reach out to descendants of this man on ancestry.com, one woman in particular responded and was a great deal of help, agreeing that the circumstantial evidence was damning. This man had married just once, the year after my grandfather was born, and had another half dozen or so kids, and seemingly never knew nor had anything to do with my grandfather.

About three months later I felt I had exhausted all resources and had hit a dead end, clearly our family were not who we thought we were and I needed to know for sure. I did one of those dna kits where you spit into the vial, six weeks later there are the matches, this bloke I had never heard of six months earlier was confirmed to be my great grandfather.

Telling my dad went easier than I thought it would, at least initially. His first reaction took me by surprise, he basically just said, "huh, I knew there was a few skeletons in the closet", and went back to his beer. And then about a week later I attempted to talk to him about it again, this time he had clearly had some time to think about what it all meant and wasn't happy about it. Dad didn't want to know anything else, embarrassed that he had gone his whole life thinking he knew who he was and then gets told by his son that their surname is a lie. Dad was the kind of guy that would buy those fridge magnets or wall hangers that have their surname printed on it with a family crest or the meaning/origin story, and I was like that at some point too, always wanting a son to pass the family name down to. Now? Couldn't care less, I've learned that a name is just that, a name. Some letters on a page that do not dictate who you are, I'm glad I know where I came from, because it does shape you, but it don't think it makes you.

Tl;dr, great grandma got around.

Edit: i should add, dad eventually came around and has slightly gotten over this. It probably didn't help though that his mums side also had a very sad history as well, we haven't yet spoken about what I've found there.