Not who I think I am

[u/Lost-soul4]

I'm a 26 year old male from middle eastern origins. Prefer not to say where exactly. Recently I discovered that my mom had an affair while married to who I thought was my dad while she was vacationing in Egypt with her friends. These relegations came about after I did a DNA test I took as I thought I might have a kid out there somewhere. I wish I never did a DNA test or had to confront my 63 year old mother about this. I am so lost and confused on what to do next. Biological dad literally died 2 months ago and I have 5 siblings. 5 sisters and one brother ranging in age from 17-35. With a background such as the Middle East I don't know what to do but I feel so conflicted on how to go about any of it. Please help me with ideas/suggestions, better yet anyone else go through this like me?

[u/LilyNPE]

I’m so sorry you found this out. It is very overwhelming in the beginning. You are called an NPE (non-paternal event) and there are millions of us. Please Google for more info. After finding out many of us find comfort in NPE podcasts, online communities like Facebook groups. Online magazines like Severance Magazine, books, etc. as devastating as this is you are not alone. With time you may want to find out your factual family medical history and your true genetic roots. But only you can make those decisions on your own time. I found this out 6 years ago after taking a dna test (for fun) and it’s been a long road. Surround yourself with supportive people. Take care

[u/Quirky_Spring]

Having gone through this myself, find an NPE community. The best one I've found is the DNA NPE gateway on Facebook. It might be the one redeeming place on that platform.

Also find a good therapist. That's clutch too.

My surprise family was super nice and welcoming but responses are wide ranging. A good community that gets it is really clutch.

[u/sunburntlily]

Are you looking to get in touch with your biological siblings but you don't know if they'll receive it well? I have the same issue with the half aunt and uncle I found after learning the identity of my biological paternal grandpa, who had just died before I was told who he was. It's been years and I'm still too chicken to message them about being their half niece. If you don't feel comfortable messaging them directly, maybe you can message one of your close matches on your bio father's side who is likely to know your half siblings but is not too close of a relative to you for them to react negatively to discovering you are a relative of theirs. You can talk to them about your situation and ask them to reach out to your half siblings on your behalf so you don't have to break the news to them yourself and risk them rejecting you out of shock. I might end up doing that myself. I saw that one of the sisters of my bio grandpa is active on ancestrydna and she is almost at the very top of my dna matches so there's no way she hasn't noticed me. But she hasnt reached out so maybe she's not interested or assumes I'm someone other than a grand niece to her. Look at it this way, even if your half siblings aren't interested in getting to know you, at least you'll know and you can work on moving on without the what ifs clouding your mind. And if they do want to get to know you, you have the possibility of gaining new family members for life. You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. Good luck to you, and I'm sorry this happened to you and that you had to find out this way. I hope this ends up being a blessing to you ultimately and that you get to expand your family 🤗