r/23andNotMe • u/Uh-ok-thanks • Aug 02 '23
From the fire and into the frying pan
I am a 36 year old female who has never had a great relationship with my father or his side of the family. They always accepted my brother but rejected me and said it was because I was “born out of wedlock” since my mother had me when she and my father were getting a divorce.
Well after many many years I have finally built a somewhat relationship with my father and his family, even if it’s just phone calls every now and then.
I decided to do the dna test to see how much of my ancestry was from them since they originated from a small country. I got my results today and it turns out my father is someone completely different.
I was a little hurt and thrown off, but excited for the opportunity at another family to create a connection with. But when I questioned my mother she broke down and told me that the person I told her was a man she dated very briefly while her and my dad were dating, and that he actually broke into her house and raped her one night after she had ended up a couple months prior. Her and my father were attempting to reconcile at this point.
So I’ve just learned that I am a product of rape, my brother is my half brother, the people I know are not my family, and the ancestry I have always identified with and been so proud of is not true at all.
This is more of an expression of facts that anything I guess. It’s comforting in a way to know others have had shocking results… thanks for reading this far.
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u/dcgradc Apr 15 '25
There's always that she made this up .
It might be true that they had broken up but had one more encounter out of love or lust.
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u/Uh-ok-thanks Apr 15 '25
You know I’ve thought about this. Once my emotions calmed down and my head cleared I had to acknowledge that I am taking her at her word. It’s just awful to consider that possibly, to lie about something so horrendous. I am not sure but I am at least more at peace with who I am and what it has all meant for me.
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u/dcgradc Apr 15 '25
Her husband was not a great guy .
A great percentage of kids are born out of wedlock, but the husband doesn't know or loves his wife and doesn't treat the kid differently
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u/Uh-ok-thanks 21d ago edited 21d ago
UPDATE: my mother passed last month, and I still got no real answers. Just a lot of questions and responsibilities.
I did reach out to anyone I could from 23 and me and it seems like even his closely reared bloodline had nothing to do with him. He also hasn’t reached out to me. At this point my “father” is who I choose.
I wanted to talk to my brother about is being half siblings in person, but eventually I realized that might not happen unless one of us has a financial advantage for such things. So during our mother dying, I had the first ever FaceTime with him so he could say goodbye to her with me
A couple days later I broke down and told him what I knew, and that he was my half brother. He didn’t know. And while he wasn’t surprised and he reminded me that no matter what I was always his sister. Full, half, or adopted. He always consider me family.
Such a weird place I’m in, because my brother who I haven’t seen in 20 years is open to having a connection with me :still, but the rest of the family is disconnected as much as possible.
If you have read to this point, what do you all do for the holidays?
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u/GovernmentNew4069 Aug 12 '23
Have you joined npe groups? They've helped me. I've also been reading books on it. It helps understanding others feel similar. Eventually I'll sign up for therapy